


A Dark Place Called Denial

by theFourthofDecember



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Happy Ending, Honesty, M/M, MIA - Freeform, Mechanics, Military, Missing, Mystery, car, hostage, robron - Freeform, unrequited love???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 01:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 45,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12180450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theFourthofDecember/pseuds/theFourthofDecember
Summary: Aaron Dingle had been trying so hard to stay on the straight and narrow since he got back to Emmerdale, but when he meets a stranger with a mysterious past who has also just returned to the village, is his life about to change forever? For better or for worse? What will end up keeping them apart is something Aaron would never have guessed...





	1. Vic's Brother

“Oi! Soft lad! Do you work here or not?!” Cain yelled over from the car he was working on. “Only I seem to remember you asked for your job back so if you’d like to actually lift a finger that’d be great.” Aaron frowned at his uncle's sarcasm, pushing himself up from the bonnet he was leaning on and stuffing his phone back into his pocket.  
“This finger do?” He replied, raising his middle finger at Cain who threw his spanner down and strode towards Aaron. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” Aaron laughed.  
“I only took you back on ‘cause your mam begged me. Now get your back into it before I throw you out on your ear.” Aaron turned away, smirking as he picked up a spanner and started to fix the car. At that moment the phone rang and Cain headed into the garage to answer it. It had been a couple of days since Aaron was cleared for arson and absconding. Life was getting back to how it used to be before he left for France – well sort of – and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. It was certainly strange being back after so long. Emmerdale dragged up so many memories (some more than a little unwelcome). Chas was thrilled to have her son back, that was for sure, but somewhere deep down Aaron was unsettled by being back in the village. “Right I’ve gotta go out on a pick up. Can I trust you here on your own?” Cain called as he came back out of the garage.  
“I’ll be fine.”  
“It wasn’t you I was worried about.”  
“Nice.” Aaron sniped sarcastically. His uncle clouted him on the back of the head on his way to the way to the van. “Oi!” Cain drove off leaving Aaron alone. He wandered inside to put the kettle on and then stood there looking around the place. It really was weird being back. It had barely changed at all.  
“Excuse me!” A call came from outside. Aaron stepped out to see a man in his late twenties, sweat dripping down his forehead, swinging some car keys from his fingers.  
“Can I help you?” Aaron asked plainly. It came out more harsh than he’d meant and for some reason that seemed to matter.  
“Yeah. My car – well I say car – my piece of junk," he corrected, "has just packed up at the top of the village. I’m pretty sure it’s a loose HT lead…”  
“You sound very knowledgeable.” Aaron cut the man off. He smiled and nodded.  
“I’m a mechanic.”  
“Oh right….why do you need me then?”  
“I don’t have any tools so I was wondering if…”  
“You could borrow some?”  
“Yeah, if that’s okay. I’ll pay you of course."“What do you need?” Aaron asked, already heading for a box of tools.  
“Spanner, some screw drivers…you got any gaffa tape?” Aaron went back to the bloke and handed over the stuff. “Thanks.”  
“No problem."  
"How much do I owe you?" The man attempted to wipe the sweat from his brow as he spoke.  
"You're alright mate."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Just call it a favour." Aaron smiled.  
"Well, thank you."  
"You sure you don’t need a hand?”  
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for these. I’ll bring them back in a bit.”  
“Sure.” The man smiled.  
“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”  
“Aaron.”  
“I'm Robert.” The man introduced himself, balancing the tools in one arm as he extended the other. They shook hands. “Well thanks Aaron.” He nodded as Robert turned and headed back up the road. Aaron stood there watching the man go for a minute. His white t-shirt had a few black smears on it from where he'd been rummaging about in the bonnet of his ‘piece of junk’ and his blond hair was messed up in a way that somehow made it all the more striking. Aaron smiled at the way Robert strode confidently up towards the top of the village. He caught himself and shook his head. Now was not the time.

“How was your day?” Chas questioned her son across the bar.  
“The same as yesterday.”  
“Enlightening.”  
“Just stop checking up on me mum, I’m fine.”  
“I’m not checking up love. I’m just asking you a simple question.” Aaron took a deep breathe.  
“Yeah. Sorry. Just tired.” He smiled lightly at Chas. “Can I have another?” Aaron pushed his pint glass towards his mum who smiled and took it to fill it up again.  
"Hi. Aaron wasn't it?" The blond man from earlier greeted as he appeared beside Aaron at the bar. Aaron looked up at him. Robert was now wearing a leather jacket and he'd obviously fixed his hair.  
"Yes. Hello again Robert."  
"I brought the tools back earlier. You weren't around."  
"I got called out." Robert nodded in recognition.  
"Well I'm glad I tracked you down anyway." He said with a smile. "Now I can buy you a pint."  
"There's really no need..."  
"Just call it returning the favour." Aaron smirked.  
"Alright then." Aaron looked the bloke up and down. "You seem very comfortable around here." Rob looked over to the pictures of the previous Woolpack owners as he replied.  
"I'm from here. Not been back in a while mind."  
"Robert Sugden." Chas said plainly when she looked up from what she was doing. Robert snapped his gaze back to look at her. "Vic said you were due back."  
"Alright Chas?"  
"I see you've not lost that smarmy smile of yours then?" Robert just shook his head with a smirk.  
"I'll have a pint when you're ready. And I'm getting his too." He gestured to Aaron who was watching the exchange a little confused.  
"When did you two meet then?" Chas asked.  
"He popped into the garage earlier." Aaron half spoke half mumbled.  
"Check up on him a lot do you?" Robert accused Chas as he leant forward on the bar. It made Aaron laugh that this bloke who barely knew him had picked up on that exact fact too.  
"She's my mum." He explained.  
"Oh..." There was a moment of silence. It was almost as if Robert was judging a decision on this new found information but Aaron wasn't sure why he got that sense.  
"So you're Vic's brother then?" He asked to break the silence.  
"Yeah."  
"I should've guessed when you said your name was Robert and you were from 'round here."  
"Know Vic well then do you?"  
"She's a mate." The lads looked at each other for a second and then something seemed to click in Robert's head.  
"Hold on...are you Aaron as in ex-boyfriend Aaron, Aaron who's gay, Aaron?" Aaron cringed.  
"Please tell me that is not how Vic introduces me?" Rob laughed.  
"No mate. I'm sorry if that sounded blunt. Vic tells me pretty much everything that goes on around here whether I want to know or not. Unfortunately that's what comes of having a sister. Those just happen to be the two things about you that have stuck in my head." Aaron smiled.  
"Fair enough." Chas put the two pints down in front of them.  
"Thanks." Robert picked up his glass and took a swig. Aaron had to stop himself from staring as the bloke licked his lips before resting his pint back down on the bar. "Hey, d'you wanna grab a table and continue this conversation? I've gotta admit I'm quite interested to learn more about you and my sister." He raised his eyebrows with a smile.  
"Sure." As they both stood to head for a table, Chas gave Aaron a warning glance which had the exact opposite to desired effect, only making her son more determined to learn more about this mysterious 'Robert Sugden'.

"So how long have you been away for?"  
"Years." Robert pushed a coaster between his two index fingers on the table. "I never really fitted in 'round her. Not once I got older anyway." Aaron watched the bloke as he stared down. He wanted to ask another question - to ask why or where he'd been - but he thought better of it. "How long have you been around here then?"  
"I actually only got back recently. Spent some time abroad."  
"I don't remember you being around when I was still here though."  
"I only came to live with my mum when I was fifteen."  
"Bet you were thrilled about moving to a quiet village where a good eighty percent of the population are over forty-five." Robert joked, reaching for his pint again.  
"Not exactly every teenagers dream." Aaron smiled. "I guess it's not so bad though. Mum likes having me around anyway."  
"So why d'you leave then?" Aaron looked down.  
"It's complicated."  
"What isn't?" Robert spoke sincerely. Aaron looked up and caught his eye. It felt like they understood each other. It was like Robert knew exactly how Aaron was feeling....and it felt good.  
"What the hell are you doing back here?!" Andy bluntly interrupted. He glared down at his brother with a look that could kill.  
"Andy..." Rob began.  
"Vic said you were back."  
"I was gonna come see you tomorrow. Vic said you had a lot on today. I didn't wanna bother you." Robert stood up to face his brother. "How've you been bro?"  
"Get stuffed. What gives you the right?! You didn't even have the decency to come to dad's funeral and then you vanish for five years without so much as a letter. Vic was going spare Rob." Aaron wondered if he should go but something made him stay and listen.  
"Andy..."  
"No! Victoria might've forgiven you but I can't." Andy looked Robert up and down with disgust. "Just do us all a favour Rob and go back to wherever the hell it is you've been hiding all this time." He looked down at Aaron. "He doesn't deserve you're time mate. He's a waste of space. Always has been." Andy gave Rob a final shake of the head and stormed out of the pub leaving the doors swinging and Aaron with a head full of unanswered questions.


	2. Useless

Aaron tried to focus on his work but his mind kept wondering to Robert and the confrontation in the pub with Andy last night. Rob had left pretty sharpish after Andy had stormed out and Aaron had tried to ask his mum more about the mysterious Sugden brother but all he'd got from her was warnings to stay away from him. Everyone seemed afraid of Robert which just made Aaron more curious.   
"Hi." Aaron turned to see Robert stood just outside the garage door. He was wearing a black leather jacket over a white shirt and Aaron couldn't help but stare. "I just came by to say sorry." Aaron looked confused.  
"Sorry for what?" Robert took a few steps closer.  
"For running out last night. It was rude." Aaron's heart jumped a little at the way Rob had thought it important to apologise to him. It was like that simple drink at the pub had meant something more to him. He wiped his hands on a cloth and shrugged a little trying to play down his emotions.  
"It's fine."  
"Me and Andy have always had our disagreements. I didn't expect him to like me coming back."  
"You don't have to explain yourself to me." Aaron replied although secretly he was glad of any conversation with this bloke who he so desperately wanted to hate but just couldn't. Robert nodded with a smile. They stood there staring at each other for a minute. There was something about the way Rob was looking at Aaron...  
"Nice Mercedes." Robert distracted himself, gesturing at the car Aaron was working on.  
"Isn't it just. I wish it was mine."  
"One day maybe." Rob smiled.  
"Yeah maybe." Aaron returned with a laugh. There was another moment of silence.  
"I should let you get on......Do you maybe wanna get a drink later?" Aaron noticed how Robert sounded a little nervous. "I was thinking of heading into Hotten this evening. There'll be less chance of us bumping into my delightful brother there." He bit his lip slightly.  
"Sure."  
"Ok. I'll pick you up around seven." Aaron nodded. "Ok see ya."  
"See ya." As soon as Rob's back was turned, Aaron grinned. This didn't mean anything - he had to tell himself. They were just two mates going out for a drink. That was all.

Chas came into the back room just as Aaron was finishing up ironing his shirt.  
"Ooo, going on a date are we?" She question in her 'most embarrassing mum' voice.  
"No. Just some drinks with a mate."  
"A mate who you iron a shirt for?" Aaron shrugged. "Which mate?"  
"You're doing it again mum. Please just get off my case. I'm an adult." Chas stared at her son for a moment. He sighed. "Look, I promise not to set anything alight or take the rap for anyone, alright?"  
"That's not funny Aaron." He looked down.  
"I know, I'm sorry." Aaron grabbed his shirt. "I should go get ready."  
"Have a nice time." He smiled.  
"I will."

Aaron looked over at Robert as they sped towards Hotten. He hated himself for feeling this way. He hated that he couldn't stop his heart pounding every time Rob looked at him. He hated that he couldn't help but want to kiss the blond every time he looked at him. Aaron told himself over and over again that Rob was straight and that this was useless - that he'd only be hurting himself - but it was no use.

"So how long did you and my sister go out then?" Aaron smirked.  
"Not long."  
"Wasn't your type?" Rob smiled, taking a swig of his beer.  
"Well considering I'm gay, no not really." They laughed.  
"What is your type then?"  
"What?"  
"I'm just curious." Aaron blushed a little and hoped Robert didn't notice.  
"I don't know." He tried to brush of the question.  
"You must do.......Come on. Tall? Dark? Handsome?" Rob joked making Aaron look uncomfortable. The older man realised his mistake and leant in a little. "Sorry. I didn't mean to..."  
"It's okay." There was an awkward pause in conversation before Robert finally spoke.  
"If it makes you feel any better, I haven't had a relationship for over three years."  
"What?" Aaron sounded genuinely surprised. "Why?"  
"Life just gets in the way sometimes."  
"But seriously, who wouldn't want to date you?..." Aaron went bright red, cringing internally. 'What an idiot. Why the hell did you say that?'. Rob bit his lip, eyes sparkling slightly. He snapped out of it.  
"How about you?"  
"What about me?"  
"When did you last have a boyfriend?" Aaron swallowed.  
"A couple of years ago." Rob smirked. "What?"  
"What a pair." He jested. Aaron smiled.  
"We should be getting back." Robert suggested looking down at his watch. They both finished their drinks and then headed back to Emmerdale.

Aaron lay in bed thinking about Robert. He had to try and come up with a way of getting rid of his feelings for him but so far the only thing Aaron could think of was to stop seeing Robert and that wasn't an option. For the first time in a long time he felt like he had someone who truly understood him and he wasn't about to give that up over some stupid crush. There had to be some other way...


	3. Complicated

"Morning." Rob called out as he approached the garage where Aaron was working on a Land Rover.  
"Hi."  
"I brought you a coffee." Rob smile, offering the drink with a confident hand.  
"Thanks.....But why?" Aaron asked curiously as he accepted the coffee with his greasy hands. Robert shrugged.  
"Does there need to be a reason? I'm just a nice person that's all." Aaron laughed. "Don't you ever have a day off? You seem to be working here all the time."  
"Yeah it often seems that way to me too. My Uncle Cain likes to remind me that he only took me back on as a favour." Aaron explained with a roll of his eyes.  
"Took you back on?"  
"Yeah. I worked here before I went to France. I left him in the lurch a bit when I went so he wasn't exactly my best friend when I came back." Rob nodded. "Anyway, you seem to be at the opposite end of the spectrum. You've been back, what, a couple of weeks and you haven't so much as mentioned a job."  
"You sound like Victoria." Rob said as he leant back against the Land Rover. He looked thoughtful. "I have a job it's just...I don't have to do it right now." He looked at Aaron who was visibly confused. "It's just..."  
"Complicated?" Aaron finished for him.  
"Yeah." There was a moment of silence and then Robert seemed to snap out of his thoughts. He stepped away from the car. "I was wondering if you'd like to help me with something."  
"Oh?"  
"Do you think you can get off for half an hour?"  
"I'm due on my break soon anyway."  
"Good. Come on then." Aaron put everything down, yelled something to Cain and then followed after Robert.

They drove to a barn five minutes from the village. Rob swung the door open, allowing Aaron to step inside. There was a beautiful vintage Ferrari parked in amongst the hay bales. It was in a sorry state but Aaron was still awestruck by it regardless.  
"Wow." Was the only word he could muster.  
"That is my car. My proper car. Not the heap of junk that I'm currently driving around."  
"It's...it's...."  
"Beautiful. I know."  
"Where did you get it?" Aaron couldn't tear his eyes away from the car and it was a good job because the look Rob gave at that question revealed more than he would've wanted.  
"A friend." He answered simply which seemed to satisfy Aaron. "I thought you might like to help me restore it." Aaron was beaming at the thought that Robert wanted him to be the one to work on his pride and joy with him.  
"Like? Rob are you kidding? I'd love to help!" Aaron wasn't even embarrassed by how overly enthusiastic he was about the car and that made Rob smile.  
"Right then. We start tomorrow."  
"Tomorrow?" Aaron questioned, looking a little disappointed.  
"I'm waiting on some parts. Don't worry they'll be here first thing and then we can get started....If you can get the day off that is?"  
"Oh believe me, I can get the day off for this."  
"Good." After a second, Aaron finally turned his full attention back to Rob, stepping a little closer to him.  
"Thank you." He said lightly.  
"For what?"  
"For asking me."  
"I wouldn't wanna ask anyone else." Rob smiled again and Aaron wondered if he was reading too much into that statement. It didn't really matter though. He was going to be spending a lot of time with Robert on this project and the prospect of that seemed pretty amazing right now.


	4. Fragile

Aaron lifted the bonnet of the Ferrari and gazed down at the mellay of engine parts; some rusted badly and some entirely missing. "Wow." He breathed, shaking his head in disbelief.  
"How many times are you going to say that today?" Rob said with a laugh as he looked into the bonnet over the other bloke's shoulder.  
"How many times did you say it when you first got this beauty?"  
"Probably a good fifty." Rob smiled.  
"Then about that many."

They spent the next four hours picking apart the engine and discussing the work that needed to be done. Robert was clearly as much in his element as Aaron which the younger man was happy to see. At one point they both reached for a screwdriver at the same time and their hands touched briefly. They caught each other's eye and Aaron could've sworn he felt something between them...but as Rob smiled and turned back to the engine, he forced himself to believe he'd dreamed it.

A while later they decided to take a break and sat down on a hay bale to drink some beers which Robert had thought to bring with him.   
"So..." Rob started, "Are you having fun?" Aaron swallowed down his mouthful of beer.  
"Are you kidding me? This is brilliant." Rob smiled. "Thanks for letting me help you."  
"Of course. It's nice to have some company anyway." Robert stared at Aaron with kind eyes. "And it's nice to see you having fun." Aaron was confused at that comment.  
"How's that?" He asked, nervously staring down at his beer.  
"It's just that...well...you seem to always be stuck at the garage. And....."  
"What?" Aaron urged, watching Robert and hopeful of what he might say next.  
"Well, there's something about you Aaron. And I know it's not really my place to say but...you seem....troubled...?" Aaron looked down again. "I don't mean to be rude....and I know we've only known each other a couple of weeks but...if you ever want to talk..." Aaron stood up and took a few paces away, keeping his back to the older man.  
"What makes you think I need to talk?" He asked harshly.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." Aaron turned to him.  
"No. I want to know. What makes me look so fragile Robert?"  
"You don't look fragile. I just mean that...you always seem to have your mind somewhere else, your mum is really overly protective and every time I talk to Vic about you she always end on "take it easy on him Rob" or "don't mess him about". So I'm just curious as to why everyone seems to wrap you up in cotton wool." Aaron stared at him. Rob had no idea what was going through his friend’s head as he stared back at him.  
"Screw you."  
"What? Aaron. I'm sorry." Rob stood up and stepped towards Aaron but he backed away.  
"Forget it Rob. I can't do this." And with that he was out the barn door and gone.


	5. The Real Reason

Robert knocked on the back door of the pub and waited. The last thing he'd wanted to do was upset Aaron. He knocked again. What was he thinking asking all those questions? They'd been getting on so well and now he'd ruined it. He was just about to knock a third time when Chas answered the door. Her face turned to anger as soon as she saw Robert stood on the doorstep, a guilty look on his face. "Go away Robert. He doesn't want to see you." She spoke harshly before looking behind herself to check nobody was around. She stepped out of the door, pulling it to behind her and glaring at Rob. "I told him to stay away from you because I knew you'd end up hurting him. Somehow you always manage it Robert Sugden. Your father was the only one who ever saw you for what you really were. I honestly don't know why you came back. Nobody wants you here."  
"I just want to apologise Chas." He continued, trying to pretend the comment about his father hadn’t hurt him. She just sniggered in response. "If I could just speak to Aaron..."   
"Get lost." She sniped before going back inside and slamming the door behind her.   
"Who was that?" Aaron asked from where he was stood at the bottom of the stairs.  
"No-one love." She smiled. "Brew?"  
"It was him wasn't it?" He continued, ignoring her question. Chas' face gave Aaron the answer he needed and he shook his head in disbelief.  
"What did he do Aaron? If you'd just tell me..."  
"You'd what? Go and make more of a mess of things?"  
"I just want to help, Aaron."  
"I know." He returned more softly.   
"Why does it matter to you so much anyway? You've not known him that long. Surely what he said can’t have been that bad?" Aaron couldn't tell his mum the real reason why this had hurt him so much. Mostly he was just angry at himself for overreacting. Now what would Rob think of him? He didn't want to tell Robert about his past. He wanted Robert to like him and if he knew what Aaron had done there would be even less chance of that.  
"I'm going to bed." He told his mother plainly, before slowly heading of up the stairs.

Aaron sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. Maybe this was for the best. He knew he'd never have any chance with Robert anyway - the guy was straight. Besides, Aaron was trying his level best not to mess things up this time. He was actually quite enjoying his life back in Emmerdale. Screwing things up again because of a crush was the last thing he wanted to do. His phone buzzed on his bedside table and he reached over to pick it up. A message from Robert popped up on the screen - 'I'm really sorry Aaron. I didn't mean to upset you. I definitely don't think you're fragile and I hope you know that. You're a really good mate and I hope things can stay that way. Anyway, I need someone to help me fix that carburettor on the Ferrari don't I? Meet me at the barn tomorrow, 3pm? R'. Aaron reread the text a couple of times. Then, after a few seconds thought, replied....'OK'.


	6. Better Than Before

When Aaron turned up at the barn the next day, Robert acted like nothing had happened. Somehow it made Aaron feel more at ease knowing there would be no more awkward apologies or questions about why Rob’s comments had been such a big deal. Aaron had never found Rob more attractive as he smiled and joked whilst they worked on the car. It was even better than before.

Both men had their heads under the bonnet and Aaron could hear Rob's breathing as he tried to focus on what he was doing. His lapse in concentration must've been noticeable to the other man. "Everything alright?" Aaron turned to face him. They were so close and Rob had that look in his eye again - the one which Aaron could never figure out.   
"Fine." He replied softly. Rob licked his lip slightly and Aaron knew he had to break the moment before he lost the plot entirely. "I need some of that oil." Aaron gestured towards a bottle that sat on the floor a little way away, his head still under the bonnet of the car. Robert went to get it and undid the lid as he walked back over to Aaron who flung his arm out to receive the oil, instead sending it flying all over Robert and the barn floor. Aaron turned around and saw the mess he'd made. "Oh, Rob, I'm so sorry." He reached for a cloth and handed it to the other man who was stood absolutely still, his shirt covered in the dark substance. Rob looked at Aaron for a few seconds longer and then burst out laughing. Shortly after, both men were in hysterics and it took Rob a good few minutes to calm down enough to speak.  
"I think I might have to take this off." He explained, gesturing to his t-shirt. Aaron's heart jumped a little and he tried desperately to hide a blush at the thought of Robert topless. The older man chucked the cloth back at Aaron before pulling the shirt up over his head, trying carefully not to get the oil all over himself. Aaron's eyes were fixed as Rob's upper-half was revealed. He knew he shouldn't stare but he didn't seem to be able to stop himself. The blond was as toned as he'd imagined and the golden tan that adorned his face and hands seemed to extend to the rest of his body as well. There was a noticeable scar on the left side of his chest which looked quite new. Aaron's eyes flicked up to meet the other man's and to his surprise Rob was staring straight back at him with a look which, if he didn't know better, he would've called lust. He desperately tried to read the situation as Robert took a few steps closer. Aaron's breathe hitched as his heart beat faster. The two men's eyes stayed locked together as Rob took a final step, leaving them inches apart. Robert smiled lightly, his eyes sparkling, causing Aaron to bite his lip a little. He was confused but decided not to try and make sense of anything right now. He reached up slowly, trying to judge if Robert was about to back away. As he became confident the older man was indeed as invested in the moment as he was, Aaron connected his hand with the side of Rob's face. He let it rest there, gently and slowly moving his thumb back and forth. Aaron felt Robert lean into the touch slightly, blinking softly. Maybe he hadn't been imagining all the times when he thought he felt something between them. Maybe Robert had felt it too. As they stood there together, so relaxed and comfortable in each other’s presence, nothing had ever felt so right.


	7. Connection

Aaron felt Robert reach for his hand and take hold of it, interlocking their fingers together. "Aaron..." He spoke in almost a whisper. 

Suddenly Rob's phone rang and his eyes darted over to it - the first time their eyes had lost connection in about four minutes. He looked back at Aaron, swallowed and stepped away, disconnecting them entirely. "I'm sorry." He apologised gently. Then he turned and went to pick up his phone. Aaron’s head was spinning. “Robert Sugden…..yes…..yes sir….thank you.” The call lasted a matter of seconds and then Rob turned back to Aaron with sad eyes. “I have to go.” It was almost as though he was embarrassed at the moment he and Aaron had just shared – like he was uncomfortable with himself.   
“Okay.” Aaron returned gently and then watched Robert hastily gather his things and throw his jacket on, eager to cover himself up in a way that he hadn’t been just moments earlier. “Tomorrow then?” Aaron asked cautiously.  
“No. No, I have to go.” Aaron’s heart sunk.  
“I’m sorry if I did something…”  
“No….you didn’t…” Rob gazed into Aaron’s eyes again. “I have to go away for a few days.” There was a moment’s silence.  
“I…”  
“I’ll call you or something.” Rob said quickly, becoming awkward again. “Bye Aaron.”

Aaron walked down the country lanes, back to the pub, alone. He smiled to himself. He and Robert had shared a moment – for whatever reason – and it gave Aaron hope. He could still smell Robert’s aftershave and feel the way their hands had touched. Aaron hadn’t felt like this in a long time. In fact he hadn’t felt quite like this ever. Robert was different. He was still a mystery to Aaron but one that he was willing to take his time to solve. 

“Where have you been?” Chas asked as her son finally stepped in through the door. “It’s late. I was getting worried.”  
“I’m not a kid mum. I’m allowed to be out past nine o’clock.” Aaron replied, kicking his shoes off and heading into the back room. He slouched down on the sofa, leaving Chas standing above him.  
“You were with Robert weren’t you?” Aaron sighed. He hated that his mum always knew everything but he had to hand it to her, it was a real skill.  
“So what if I was?”  
“How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from him?” Aaron shook his head. “I mean it love. He’s dangerous.”  
“What are you going on about now?” Chas thought for a second, took a deep breath and then went to sit next to her son.  
“He’s dodgy Aaron. Always has been. He was involved in allsorts when he was younger, cheated on dozens of girls and even got mixed up in his own father’s shooting. Eventually his dad sent him away from the village and he’s not been seen since. I’m telling you Aaron, he is not someone you wanna be hanging around with.”  
“He’s a mate and, from what I’ve seen of him, a very decent bloke.”  
“Decent bloke my arse.”  
“Mum!” Aaron turned to her with a stern face.  
“Fine. Do what you like but please be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”  
“I’m not gonna break, mum.” She nodded. “I’m going up.”  
“Alright love.” He kissed her cheek and headed upstairs. She didn’t know it but Chas had just given her son a whole lot more to think about…


	8. Tomorrow

Aaron looked down at his phone again. He couldn't decide whether to send the text or not. Robert was due back tomorrow and they still hadn't spoken since the moment they'd shared at the barn. Aaron had spent the last few days worrying about Robert and the way he'd suddenly had to leave the village without any explanation. He'd practically jumped out of his seat in the cafe when he overheard Vic talking about Robert coming back tomorrow and then he'd spent the entire evening trying to form a cohesive message to send to him to ease the awkwardness before he got back. Aaron read through his words again - 'Hi Rob. Heard you're coming back tomorrow and wondered if you wanted to go for a drink? I know what happened at the barn was unexpected and perhaps a bad idea but I can't deny that it felt right in the moment. Anyway, let me know about the drink, A'. He wondered if it sounded too needy or perhaps even desperate. He considered rewording it or just asking Rob for a drink and then discussing the rest later but eventually he realised if he didn't just send it right now he never would. His thumb hesitated over the button...and then he pressed send.

Aaron went downstairs to distract himself. He made a brew and settled down on the sofa to watch 'Die Hard' for the millionth time. Almost as soon as he'd started watching the movie, his phone buzzed and he picked it out of his pocket to see a new text from Robert. His reply had come so quickly. Too quickly. Aaron nervously opened the message and began to read - 'Sorry I haven't been in contact when I said I would. I should get back around 3pm so a pint any time after that would be great. Just let me know when. R'. Aaron's heart dropped a little. Rob had obviously deliberately ignored his comments about the barn and his feelings about it. He felt stupid at ever having brought it up again. It was so clearly only a mistake to Robert. Aaron kicked himself inside and was just about to put his phone down when another message popped up...from Robert....'And just so you know, it felt right to me too. R x'. He stared at the message, his hearing beating faster. He couldn't wait for tomorrow...

The next day, Aaron waited nervously in the pub. He and Rob had shared so many drinks in the past but this time was different. This time they both knew that they meant something more to each other than just a drinking buddy or general mate. When Robert finally entered the Woolpack, he had a wide smile on his face. He was wearing his leather jacket again and looked just as amazing as ever. "Hi." He greeted, sitting opposite Aaron.  
"Hi." Aaron smiled. "That's for you." He gestured to the pint sitting in front of the older man.  
"Thanks." Robert picked it up and took a large swig. He licked the foam off his lip before he spoke. "So, how've you been?"  
"Alright. It's been a bit boring without you around to be honest. I missed the Ferrari."  
"Is that all you missed?" Rob asked suggestively, causing Aaron to smirk in response.

They talked for a couple of hours. It was clear to Aaron that Rob didn't want to talk about wherever it was he'd been the last few days so he decided not to push it. They joked about Cain and Chas and debated which car they should restore together next. Aaron caught his mum's eye at one point and noticed a look of distain there but he decided to ignore it. Eventually it got late and Chas called time in the pub.  
"I'm glad your back." Aaron beamed.  
"Yeah me too."  
"I've got a big job on tomorrow so the Ferrari might have to wait another day but we could do this again in the evening?" Rob's smile dropped to a look of guilt.  
"Oh...um...I'm sorry mate, I can't."  
"What, got a hot date have you?" Aaron joked.  
"Yeah." Rob answered plainly. Now it was Aaron's turn to drop his smile.  
"Oh. Right."  
"Sorry. I should go. I'll text you." And with that, Robert hurried out of the pub, leaving Aaron alone again.

He sat in the back room in the dark. How could he have got this so wrong? Robert was into girls and he knew that, he'd always known that. So what ever made him think he was in with a chance? He must've read too much into it. No. He didn't. Robert had said he'd felt right in their moment of closeness together and the signals he was sending were very much leading Aaron on. It was all such a confusion in Aaron's head. All he could really make sense of was that it hurt him to know that Rob was going out tomorrow night to see someone else. A girl. A hot girl, no doubt. It hurt. It really hurt. As he sat there a tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He had to stop being so pathetic about this. How could he be upset over something that never happened? Something that was never going to happen and never will happen. He had to get over this. He had to get over Robert.


	9. A Foul Mood

“Morning love.” Aaron just grumbled in response to his mother. She paused and watched her son slump down onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table and pull his shoes on lazily. “Everything alright?”   
“Fine.” Chas wasn’t convinced.  
“Hangover is it?”  
“No.” He replied harshly, standing up and grabbing his keys.  
“You’re not going without breakfast.” Chas attempted to insist as her son headed for the door.  
“Watch me.” He gestured sarcastically and went. 

“You’re here early.” Cain commented, turning to Aaron briefly before going back to unlocking the garage. “Not that I’m complaining or anything but to what do I owe the pleasure.”  
“Not now Cain. I’m really not in the mood.” Cain pushed the garage door open and Aaron barged past him to go inside.  
“Someone’s a bit mardy today.”

“Aaron! You’ve got a visitor!” Cain yelled into the garage. Aaron came outside, wiping his hands on a cloth. Robert was stood on the gravel with a very guilty look. They stared at each other for a minute.   
“I’m busy, Rob.”  
“Yeah. I know. Sorry.” There was another silence. Aaron just wanted to shout at Rob and tell not to go out with this new girl but at the same time he wanted to run to him and hug him and not care about anything else. He knew that he couldn’t do either of those options. It wasn’t fair on Rob and it certainly wouldn’t fix anything. So instead he just stood there. “I wanted to apologise for the way I ran out yesterday.” Aaron didn’t know what to say. “Do you want to go and work on the car for a bit?” Rob looked so perfect with his freckles standing out in the sunlight.  
“I’m busy Robert.” Aaron answered bluntly and then quickly headed back into the garage before his face started to portray his true feelings. Cain smirked from where he’d been eavesdropping by a car he was working on.  
“Don’t worry mate, he’s been mardy all day, it’s not just you.”   
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Rob replied sadly. He shook his head and kicked at some gravel as he turned and walked away.

Aaron remained in a foul mood all day and everyone he bumped into felt the need to remark on his grumpiness which, of course, didn't help the issue. Paddy insisted he met Aaron in the pub for a drink. Eventually Aaron reluctantly agreed and the two of them headed for the Woolpack. Paddy was halfway through one of his parental speeches about making the best of things and some other stuff that Aaron couldn't quite follow, when Chas came over to join them. She proceeded to add her own contributions to Paddy's garbled advice at which point, Aaron could take it no longer.  
"I'm going for a walk." He announced, interrupting Chas halfway through a sentence.  
"What? At this time of night? Why?" She interrogated.  
"Because I feel like a walk." He stood up and did up his jacket.  
"I'll come with you." Paddy offered, standing up too.  
"No." Aaron mumbled, heading out of the pub on his own.

He was walking up Main Street on his way to the bridge for some peace and quiet when he heard laughing from a little way ahead. He noticed someone coming out of Vic's house and it took him only second to realise who it was....Robert.....and following behind him was a girl. A tall. Blonde. Beautiful. Woman. Aaron tucked himself back into a nearby bush and watched as the couple laughed and joked on their way to Rob's car. He couldn't hear what they were saying but as Robert opened the passenger door to let his date inside, she touched him gently on the shoulder giving him an alluring smile before slipping down into the car. Aaron moved out into the road a little more to get a better look as Rob walked around to the drivers' side. The older man had dressed up nicely and he'd clearly taken a lot of time on his hair. Aaron couldn't help a pang of jealousy surge through him. He was about to turn and walk back the other way up the street when Robert's eyes caught his. The bloke's expression dropped from one of excitement to one of guilt and almost sadness. Aaron saw him bite his lip and it was almost like his eyes were somehow saying sorry. Then Robert too slipped down into the car and a few moments later the car sped past Aaron as he stood there in the dark, wondering what the hell to do now.


	10. It's Nothing

Aaron got up early and went for a run. He couldn't deal with any of Chas' questions - not today. As he jogged through the forest the image of Robert and that woman stayed glued in his mind. He tried to think about something else but every time he did, his mind eventually drifted back to Rob. His feet were getting sore but he continued to run anyway, needing the distraction. Suddenly he stumbled and fell face first onto the ground. Aaron groaned in frustration and picked himself up, noticing his right hand was throbbing. He looked down at it and saw that his palm had been badly cut up by the stony ground. There was still some gravel stuck in the wound. Aaron clenched his fist, wincing slightly in pain. It made him feel slightly better. He knew it was a twisted way of helping himself....but he had nothing else.

Aaron made it back to the village and was just walking past the park when he caught sight of Robert heading towards him. "Hey!" He called in greeting, his usual cheerful smile beaming at Aaron, who kept his head down and sped up his pace towards the pub. "Aaron!" Rob persisted. "Hey!" He caught up with Aaron, as he diverted across the road, and grabbed his arm. "Stop." Aaron glared at him.  
"What do you want Robert?"  
"What's going on? We're okay right?" Aaron sniggered.  
"Yeah. Yeah, we're fine." He answered sarcastically, clenching his fist in anger, making himself wince again. Rob noticed and his face turned from confusion to concern.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine." Aaron turned and tried to walk away but Robert got in front of him.  
"What's wrong with your hand?" He asked gently. Aaron looked away. "Aaron?" Rob could see that he wasn't going to get any answers so he reached for Aaron's hand and held it palm up so he could see the damage which Aaron's fall had caused. "Jesus Aaron. What did you do?"  
"Nothing." The bloke answered defensively, worried that somehow Robert had worked it out. "It's fine." He insisted, pulling his hand out of Rob's grip.  
"It's not fine mate, it's still got stuff in it. It'll get infected if you're not careful. Let me help you clean it up." The truth was Aaron couldn't care less if it got infected....but for some reason he was intrigued as to why Rob cared so much. He thought about it for a second. "Please." Robert urged. Aaron looked at his hand and then back up at the man in front of him.  
"Alright."

Robert held Aaron's hand under the tap. While the blond was so focused on what he was doing, Aaron took the opportunity to gaze at him. He was sure he could never get over this guy. The way his eyes sparkled made Aaron's heart throb and there was nothing he could do about it.  
"You really did make a right mess of this mate." He reached over and turned the tap off, bringing Aaron's hand closer to his face for a better look. "Well we've got all the bits out of it anyway." Aaron nodded, still not making eye contact. "Does your mum have a first aid kit somewhere?" Aaron pointed at the cupboard behind Robert. "Right. Thanks." He turned and looked through the cupboard for the box of medical stuff. When he found it he began to rummage, pulling out a tube of antiseptic cream and squeezing some onto his finger. He picked up Aaron's hand again. "I'll be gentle." He said softly as he began to touch the cream to Aaron's wound. As he concentrated on what he was doing he started to speak. "So, are you gonna tell me what this is all about?"  
"It's nothing." Robert looked up at him.  
"I know you better than that Aaron." Then he went back to what he was doing. "You can talk to me. Just tell me what's up?" Aaron braced himself.....  
"You."  
"Oh, what have I done now? I'm always messing things up and not noticing." He laughed at his own expense but Aaron didn't join in.  
"No Rob. I...I think I've fallen in love with you..."


	11. Forget

Rob stared at Aaron wide eyed, still holding onto his hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." Rob bit his lip and kept eye contact with Aaron as he let go of his hand.  
"You should put a plaster on that." He commented plainly, slightly in a daze.  
"Robert..."  
"I'll get you one." He interrupted, trying to ignore what Aaron had just said and turning to the first aid kit again to look for a plaster. "Surely your mum has plasters. Everyone has plasters right?"  
"Rob!" The older man stopped what he was doing but stayed with his back to Aaron. "I know you don't feel the same way. I know you're straight and I'm sorry for what I just said but it's the truth. I've fallen for you Robert. I've tried to stop myself feeling this way, believe me, but nothing has worked.......which is why I think we should keep our distance." Rob turned suddenly.  
"What?"  
"I don't think I can be near you anymore Rob. I can't control these feeling and I don't want to make you uncomfortable..."  
"It doesn't." He interrupted.  
"What?"  
"It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable." Aaron stared at Rob. The man had that look in his eye again. Aaron was confused. He shook his head in defeat.  
"You don't have to say that Rob." Robert put his hand on Aaron's hip, breathing deeply.  
"I'm not just saying it....It wouldn't make me uncomfortable because.....I feel the same way...."

Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd dreamt so long of this moment and now he couldn't believe what was happening. He took a step back from Robert's touch in an attempt to ground himself.  
"I don't understand Robert, you're..." Sensing what Aaron was about to say, Rob cut in.  
"It's complicated." They gazed into each other eyes for a moment.  
"Why did you go out with that girl then?" Aaron asked, desperate for answers. Robert looked down. "Come on. I want to know. If I really do mean something to you then why would you do that? Did she mean something to you as well?" His voice wasn't angry but genuinely inquisitive.  
"No. She meant nothing."  
"Then why go out with her?"  
"Because she meant nothing."  
"What?"  
"It's..."  
"Complicated? Explain it to me. Please. I want to understand." Robert stared at him. He looked like he was questioning himself on what to say. He looked down.  
"I can't. I'm sorry."  
"Why?"  
"Because you'll just end up getting hurt and.....I couldn't bear that." Robert looked genuinely distressed at the thought. Aaron went towards him and put a hand on his arm.  
"I'll be okay." Rob shook his head.  
"I can't do this. It's not fair on you."  
"Rob."  
"I'm sorry." He apologised sadly pulling his arm away from Aaron. "I'll stay away. Then maybe we can both try and forget our feelings." He looked at Aaron's sad eyes and his heart broke. Rob lifted a hand a placed it on the side of Aaron's face (like Aaron had done the day at the barn). "You're amazing Aaron." He spoke ever so softly. Then he leant in and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He kept their heads close for a moment longer and then he forced himself to walk away without looking back.


	12. The Kind Of Guy

‘Are we okay? I’m really sorry. A’

‘Are you okay? I’m worried about you. Please text me back. A’

‘I’m so sorry Rob. Can we just go back to how we were? A’

‘Drinks in the Wooly? A’

Aaron sent text after text over the next couple of days. Rob never responded. He wondered if he should try and track him down to talk to him face but he decided he should probably just keep his distance. Aaron couldn’t understand what Robert thought was so bad that they could never consider being together. The only thing that made sense was that Rob was too scared of his own feelings and that he didn’t want anyone to know that he was the kind of guy who call fall for another guy. Whatever the reason for Rob distancing himself, it made Aaron worried. 

When the fourth day without any contact from Robert came, Aaron realised he couldn’t hold on any longer. He went on an early lunch break and made his way back to the pub. He went into the kitchen and found Victoria preparing some vegetables. “Aaron. Alright?”  
“Yeah….well, sort of…” Vic put her knife down and turned to face her friend properly. “It’s Robert…”  
“Oh God, what’s he done now? I swear, my brothers are gonna be the death of me one day.”  
“No. It’s not that he’s done something, exactly. It’s just…..I’m a bit worried about him…”  
“Oh?”  
“We had…a bit of a disagreement the other day and now it’s like he’s dropped off the face off the planet. He’s been avoiding me and I haven’t had a single text.”  
“Well I can’t make excuses for his lack of communication but I can tell you why you haven’t been seeing him around. He’s been away for a few days.”  
“How many days?” Vic thought for a second.  
“Four.” Aaron’s heart sank. If Rob had left the village because of him, he’d never forgive himself.   
“Where’d he go?”  
“Business trip.”  
“Business trip. But he’s a mechanic.”  
“I’ve learnt not to ask questions Aaron. What’s got you so worried about him anyway?” Aaron bit his lip, in a world of his own. “Aaron?” He snapped his eyes up to Vic.  
“It’s nothing Vic. Don’t worry.” Aaron sped out of the kitchen and went up to his room. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled Rob’s number. Just as he’d expected he got the voicemail. “Rob, Vic says you’ve gone away for a few days. I hope it’s not because of me. I’m really sorry Rob. I should never have said anything, but the truth is when I bottle up feelings – of any kind – it always ends badly……I miss you. Please call me….Okay. Bye.” He hung up and took a deep breath.

The next day, Aaron still hadn’t heard anything from Robert. Just to make his day even better, Cain was in one of his moods. By three o’clock he could easily have smashed one of the cars’ windows up in frustration. He was just about to start on his final job of the day when he heard a car pulling up outside the garage. Cain yelled to him to go and deal with it so he sluggishly wiped his hands and made his way outside. There…standing on the gravel…was Robert. Aaron stood there staring at him for a minute.   
“Hey.” Rob spoke softly. “Can we go somewhere?” He asked shyly. Aaron smiled in encouragement and nodded.

They walked out of the village, towards the bridge. Eventually Rob started to speak. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been a total prick…like usual.” He said sadly. “I’m really sorry.” He stopped walking and turned to Aaron. “Tell me what to do to make it right.”  
“What you said the other day….did you mean it?” Rob stared into his eyes.  
“Yeah, I did.”  
“Then, all you have to do is talk to me Robert. Please just tell me what’s going on. You keep running off and being on and off towards me. I’m confused.”  
“I know, I’m sorry. I have a lot of explaining to do.” He thought for a second before taking Aaron’s hand and leading him over to a bit of grass by a tree. They sat down next to each other. Rob turned slightly to look at Aaron. “It’s not what you think. I’m not a closeted weirdo who can’t stand to accept their feelings. I know I’m bisexual and…I guess I’m okay with that…now anyway.” He took a shaky breath. “The truth is nothing can happen between us because…I have to leave soon.”  
“You keep leaving. You’re back and forth all the time without explanation.”  
“No, Aaron…..I have to go away and I won’t be back for a long time.” There was a silent pause as they stared at each other.  
“I don’t understand.” Aaron looked deeply disappointed. Robert looked down and braced himself…  
“I’m in the army Aaron. I go back to Afghanistan in 2 weeks’ time…”


	13. A Relationship

Aaron stared at Robert in total shock. “I don’t understand, Rob. You said you’re a mechanic.”  
“They have those in the army too, Aaron.” Rob replied with a slight smirk to lighten the mood but Aaron didn’t notice as he tried desperately hard to comprehend what Rob was saying.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“I don’t talk about it to anyone. Diane, Vic and Andy – none of them know.”  
“So where have you been going when you keep running off?”  
“A training base. Briefing etc….I only got back a month ago. Before that, I hadn’t stood on British soil in nine months.” Aaron didn’t know what to say. In the end he went with…  
“Well that explains the tan and the incredible six pack then.” Rob laughed.  
“I knew you were checking me out.” He joked.  
“Of course.” Aaron returned with a smile. Rob’s face dropped a little.  
“We can’t do this. It’s not fair for me to get into a relationship with anyone when I spend most of my life away from home.” Aaron gazed into his eyes.  
“Wouldn’t that be for the other person to decide?”  
“I don’t know. If it was…what would the other person say?” Rob asked tentatively. Aaron thought for a moment before answering.  
“They would say that, they think you’re amazing and that outweighs everything else.”  
“So…” Rob had a glint in his eyes.  
“I like you Rob. A lot actually. I’ve not felt like this in so long. We’ve got two weeks. I say we give this a go.”  
“Are you sure?” Aaron smiled and leaned towards Rob.  
“I’m sure.” He whispered before he moved forward and connected their lips and started something which would change both of them forever.

“Rob.” Aaron breathed as he finally pulled back from their kiss. “How are we going to do this?” Robert stared into to his eyes.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well….what are we doing here?”  
“Well we were just kissing and now we’re talking…” He joked making Aaron smirk.  
“You’re such an idiot.”  
“Oi!” Rob shoved Aaron’s shoulder a little.  
“No, but you know what I mean.”  
“Well, like you said, we’re seeing how things go. We’ll just take things slowly…well as slowly as you can with only two weeks.” He smirked again.  
“Okay. So…if we’re seeing how things go…is it alright for me to ask you out tonight?” Aaron smiled shyly. Rob leant in again and kissed him.  
“Does that give you your answer?” He spoke softly. Aaron smiled.  
“Yeah.” He touched Rob’s arm. “Look I’m sorry to spoil the moment but Cain’s gonna nail me to the garage wall if I don’t get back there soon.”  
“It’s fine. You go, I’ll see you later. Pick you up around seven?”  
“Okay.” They stayed grinning at each other for a moment longer. Eventually Aaron managed to force himself up off the ground. He gave Rob one last longing look before heading back to work. Rob stayed sat on the grass watching him go and beaming to himself. Neither of them had ever thought this would actually happen. They both just really hoped that – somehow – it would work out…


	14. You've Got Me

“So where are we going then?” Rob asked as he drove him and Aaron towards Hotten.  
“Dunno….Have you ever been to Bar West?” Rob smirked. “What?”  
“It’s a bit…..”  
“Gay?” Aaron finished for him.  
“Well, yeah but that wasn’t what I was going to say. I was gonna say it’s a bit downmarket.”   
“Ooo, not posh enough for the likes of Robert Sugden, is that it?” Aaron jested making Rob laugh.  
“No. Trust me anything is better than being in the middle of a warzone with no alcohol at all.”  
“I can imagine.” There was a silent pause before Robert spoke again.  
“This is weird.”  
“What?”  
“Me being able to talk about Afghan.”  
“Is it a bad weird?”  
“No. It’s good. I don’t have to hide a part of myself now. I can talk about whatever I want without having to think if it will give anything away.”  
“Sounds like when I came out.” Aaron responded thoughtfully. “Paddy was great though – when I told him I was gay. It really helped having someone, who I knew wouldn’t judge me, to talk to.”  
“And now I have you.” Rob affirmed. Aaron looked over at the older man.  
“Yeah. You’ve got me.”

When they got to Bar West they bought some drinks and found a quiet table in a corner. They just chatted and it was so easy. Aaron had never done the whole ‘friends before lovers’ thing before but he was beginning to see the appeal. There was none of those awkward first date moments. The conversation just followed and both men knew clearly where they stood by the intimate looks that were regularly exchanged between them.  
“I’ve never been on a date like this before.”  
“A date like what?” Aaron asked, although he already knew the answer.  
“A date which is so…natural. I don’t feel like I have to try and impress you at all.”  
“Oh?”  
“You know what I mean. We already know each other. I’m pretty sure you’d know by now if you couldn’t stand to be around me.”  
“I suppose.” Aaron replied with a smirk. “Just out of interest though…what would you do if you were trying to impress me?” Rob smiled.  
“Maybe this…” He let go of his beer bottle and extended his hand out across the table. Aaron placed his hand in Rob’s and Rob closed his fingers around it. He blinked longingly at Aaron. “I think you are the most beautiful guy in the world.” He claimed, completely unashamed to say it. Aaron blushed a little and hoped that the dark lighting in the bar would mask it a little.  
“Beautiful?” He picked at Rob’s choice of word.  
“Alright, handsome then. Either way, you get the point.”  
“I do.” Aaron leaned across the table. “You’re not so bad yourself.” He returned before leaning even further to kiss Robert. Just as their lips connected, Rob’s hand knocked one of the beers and it fell over, spilling its contents all over Aaron’s trousers. Aaron stood up and tried to dab some of the drink off with a napkin.  
“God Aaron, I’m so sorry.” Rob apologised, standing up to face the other bloke.  
“It’s okay.”  
“No, really, I’ve made a right mess.”  
“It’s fine Rob. It’s no big deal.” Aaron gazed into his eyes. “I was getting a bit bored of this place anyway.” He said suggestively. “D’you wanna head back?”  
“Sure.”

They pulled up at the back of the Woolpack and Aaron undid his seatbelt. He turned to Rob.   
“You coming in?”  
“I shouldn’t. What would you’re mum say if she knew I’d been in her home.”  
“I don’t think you being in her home would be what she’d be most angry about. Anyway we’re a bit beyond that Rob. What would she say if she knew we’d gone on a date tonight?”  
“I suppose.”  
“So….are you coming in?”   
“No.” Rob replied gently. “Not tonight.” Aaron tried to hide his disappointment but at the same time he could definitely see that Rob had a point.   
“Okay. See you tomorrow then?”  
“Absolutely.” They stared at one another for a moment, taking each other in. Rob leant in and pressed a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “I’ll text you.”  
“You’d better.” Aaron opened the car door and got out. As he walked to the backdoor of the pub, he could still feel Rob’s eyes on him and it made him smile. He opened the door and stepped inside, kicking his shoes off and then heading straight upstairs. He bumped into his mum on the landing. She had obviously noticed the happiness and excitement radiating off her son which she knew could only mean one thing…  
“Who’s the lucky guy then? And when do I get to meet him?”  
“What?”  
“It’s okay; you can fill me in tomorrow.” Aaron’s heart sunk. “Night love.”  
“Night.” He turned into his bedroom and felt his phone buzz in his pocket – ‘Any questions from your mum yet? R xx’. Aaron smiled. Robert already knew him so well. It made Aaron feel safe. A kind of safe he couldn’t remember ever having felt before. Everything about this relationship felt so new, so different and Aaron had to keep reminding himself that this was still only the beginning…


	15. Mates

'Hey'  
'Hey'  
'Are you free today?'  
'Yep'  
'The barn in an hour?'  
'I'll be there'

An hour later and Aaron arrived at the barn. Rob was already sitting on one of the hay bales waiting for him. He jumped up when Aaron entered. "What's on the agenda today then?" Aaron asked gesturing at the car.  
"Whatever you want to do first." Aaron smiled at him with longing eyes.  
"I know what I'd like to do before anything else." He took a step closer to Robert.  
"What?" Aaron made a final step and pressed his lips to Rob's. When he pulled back, he left their foreheads connected, still holding on to Rob's arms. Rob smiled gently. "Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty good place to start." He joked lightly. "Now what?"  
"Now, we fix the car's electrics." Aaron smirked, stepping away from Rob and heading to the Ferrari, pleased he appeared to be in charge. Rob bit his lip, watching every move Aaron made as he set about finding the tools he needed. "You gonna help at all?"  
"I'm fine here thanks."  
"Good view is there?" Aaron jested.  
"Something like that, yeah." Rob reluctantly went to help.  
"You never did tell me where you got this." The younger man commented absently as he continued to search for the correct screwdriver. There was a pause before Rob replied.  
"A friend gave it to me." Aaron stood up straight, having found the screwdriver, and faced the other bloke.  
"Must be an amazing friend to give you a Ferrari." Rob looked away and Aaron could immediately tell that he'd hit a nerve. "Sorry. Did I say something?....I didn't mean to...."  
"No, it's okay." Robert looked back at Aaron. He took a deep breath. "It's just...." He couldn't bring himself to say it so instead he took his phone out of his pocket and found a photo. He turned the phone so Aaron could see. The photograph was of a group of soldiers all posing in front of a large army tank. Aaron could tell that Robert was the soldier furthest on the right. He was a lot dirtier than Aaron had ever seen him and he was wearing his uniform but there was no mistaking the striking eyes and sandy blond hair. "That's him there..." Rob pointed to a brown haired man who was beaming towards the camera. The two of them had their arms around each other's shoulders and it was obvious they were good friends. "Matt......We went to training together.....We were deployed together.....We spent so much time together....Best mates we were...The best of mates." Aaron could sense the sadness in his voice. "Two days before we were due to be sent home on leave...he stepped on an IED....and bled to death in my arms." A solitary tear rolled down Robert's cheek. Aaron didn't know what to say. He knew, when he found out that Rob was a soldier, that he must've seen some terrible things but....  
"Rob, I'm so sorry." Aaron placed a hand softly on his arm.  
"So am I. He was one of the best guys I ever knew and I will never have a better friend....It's his wife I feel most sorry for....she'd just had a baby...a little boy." Rob wiped at a few more tears that fled his eyes. "That's why I'm fixing the car. So when he's older he can have something which was his daddy's and he'll know just how much Matt loved him." Aaron reached up and held Rob's cheek.  
"You're amazing Rob. I'm so proud of you....and I'm sure Matt would be too." He managed to catch Rob's eyes. "You're a good man, Rob. It wasn't your fault."  
"It makes no difference. You have no idea how it feels to have someone, someone who you love, dying in your arms and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it!"  
"I do know!" Aaron exclaimed more harshly than he meant, the pent up emotion having built up beyond control. He forced himself to go on. "Believe me, I know exactly how it feels..."


	16. Pasts

Robert watched Aaron intently as he went to sit on one of the hay bales. "You're not the only one with a past, Rob, and mine is not one I like to think about too much." Robert slowly went to sit next to him. "I know what it's like to feel responsible for someone else's death, believe me." He sighed, sadness filling his eyes as the memories of his past in Emmerdale flooded back. "I killed a man, Robert. A man who I loved. My own boyfriend." Aaron turned to look at Robert. "I loved him...and I killed him."

Rob stared at him in confusion. He couldn't understand how Aaron, a man he thought he knew so well, a man who he knew to honest and genuine, could have committed such an act.  
"What are you talking about, Aaron?" The younger man swallowed deeply, staring ahead and preparing himself for what he was about to do.  
"Jackson was my first boyfriend. I'd just come out and I was still an angry, messed up kid. I didn't know how I was feeling or what I wanted but he...he was amazing. He put up with so much of my crap - far more than he should've done - and he stood by me." Aaron dug his right thumb into the back of his left hand. "One night, we'd been to town, and we got in an argument. He wanted me to say something, anything, to let him know how I was feeling. He was trying to help me...I know that now......He ended up driving off and...he crashed...on a train track." Aaron tried to stay calm as he recounted the story. "He was paralysed from the neck down....I tried to make it right. I stayed with him. Cared for him...I loved him....But eventually it was all too much and he asked me..." A tear fell down Aaron's face.  
"He asked you to help him die?" Robert guessed, speaking in as soft a voice as he could manage. Aaron's solemn nod answered his question.  
"Assisted suicide they called it. Like they were trying to make it sound official...legal even. But I killed him. I killed him and I will never forgive myself." All Robert wanted to do was to hug him and tell him it wasn't his fault but at this moment he sensed that Aaron needed some distance. Aaron turned to Rob again. "Don't you hate me?"  
"What?"  
"You should hate me. You've seen friends, good friends, get killed right in front of you; guys who don't deserve to die. You spend your life fighting against the people who killed your friends - the people who killed those guys who didn't deserve to die....Well, I'm one of those people, Rob. I killed a guy who didn't deserve to die. You should hate me." Suddenly Aaron broke down into tears, slumping forward and sobbing into his hands. Rob felt his own tears threatening to break through again and he could take it no longer. He reached out and pulled Aaron into a tight embrace.  
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I think you're so brave, Aaron. You did the most amazing thing for your boyfriend - you let him go. You are nothing like those evil bastards we fought in Afghan. Nothing like them. Do you hear me?" Rob kissed Aaron's head, rocking him slightly in comfort as the tears began to subside.  
"I don't deserve you, Rob. I don't." Aaron pulled back slowly to look at the older man. "Why would you want to be with me?" Rob's face changed.  
"Because the moment I saw you, I knew I had to be around you." He put his hand on Aaron's knee. "We're similar you and me. More than we ever knew. And, I think, we might just need each other. We both have pasts, Aaron, and neither of us can change them. But the future...the future we can change and I'll tell you now Aaron Dingle, I want you in my future."


	17. Vic

The next evening…

When Robert heard a knock at the door, he half ran, half fell down the stairs to let Aaron in. He was standing outside the door hands in his hoodie pockets as he smiled warmly. “Can I come in?” Rob reached out to grab his hand and pulled him inside, slamming the door behind him. They went into the living room. “How long is Vic out for?”  
“All evening she said. Finn’s dragged her along to some party thing. She sounded thrilled about it.” He joked sarcastically, making Aaron smirk.  
“At least it gives us some alone time somewhere other than that draughty barn.” Aaron smiled. “Did you get those beers in?”  
“Of course.” Rob replied, going to the fridge to fetch a few cans. He handed one to Aaron. “Movie?” He suggested.  
“What have you got?”  
“Dunno actually. There not mine of course. They’re Vic’s. It’s probably all romcoms.” He feigned a grimace. Aaron walked over to the shelf with some DVDs on.  
“’The Holiday’, ’27 Dresses’, ‘Notting Hill’.” He read out as he went along the line. “Ooo, ‘Reservoir Dogs’.” He picked the DVD out of the shelf and handed it to Rob.  
“God knows why Vic’s got that. Sure. I’ll put it on.”

The movie started and the two men sat on the sofa together. Robert looked at Aaron. He looked so at ease - so happy. It made him smile. He shuffled a little closer to Aaron and relaxed back into the sofa. 

As the movie went on, Rob and Aaron got closer and closer until, eventually, Aaron’s head was resting on Rob’s shoulder and Rob had his hand on Aaron’s knee. It felt so natural. Aaron was so pleased that they’d had the conversation in the barn. It had made him feel like he wasn’t hiding from his past anymore. Rob knew what Aaron had done and he still wanted to be with him. Never in a million years would Aaron ever have guessed that things would’ve turned out like this when he started having feelings for Robert. Back then he didn’t even think those feelings were reciprocated and that alone was enough to make Aaron feel terrible about himself. But now he was happy. With Robert, he was happy.

Towards the end of the film, both men were in a sleepy doze, slumped against each other, covered by a blanket. Suddenly, they were startled awake by the front door clicking open. They looked to each other but before they could do anything Vic was walking into the room. She stopped in her tracks on seeing the two blokes staring back at her.  
“Rob. Aaron.” Robert pulled the blanket back and threw it beside him.  
“Vic, I…” he started.  
“What are you…? Are you two....you know know…a thing?”  
“Um…” Rob looked at Aaron for permission to give an honest answer. When he got it, he turned back to his sister. “Yeah……Aaron’s my…boyfriend.” Aaron turned to Robert, stunned at what he’d just said. They’d not used the word ‘boyfriend’ at all yet. They’d not even mentioned it. His heart pounded. Rob looked at him again as if to ask if it was okay for him to have used that label. Aaron gave him a reassuring smile. Vic was still stood there in shock. Rob knew his sister well but in this moment not even he could determine what she was thinking.  
“So…you’re gay then?” She asked her brother.  
“Bisexual actually.”  
“Right.” She said, trying to take it all in. “How long have you two been…?”  
“Not long. You’re the first person to know so…”  
“You want me to keep it quiet.” She finished.  
“Yeah.”  
“Of course.” She assured. There was a tense moment of silence and both men were dreading what Vic would say next. All of a sudden a smile broke onto her face. “Wow. I’m so happy for you. For both of you. Come here.” He pulled her brother up into a hug. “Love you bro.”  
“Love you too Vic.”


	18. I Promise

“Will you please just tell me where we’re going?” Robert asked his boyfriend as he was marched out to the car.  
“No. You’ll find out all in good time.” Aaron said with a smug smile. Rob stopped in his tracks and turned to him.  
“You’re making me nervous.” Aaron smirked.  
“I promise you you’ll like it.” Rob gave him another suspicious look. “Just get in will you?” Reluctantly, Rob sank down into the car and Aaron smiled in excitement as he went around to the driver’s side. He got in and turned the music on.  
“I didn’t know you liked the Artic Monkeys.” Rob commented as he did up his seatbelt.  
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” Rob stared at him for a second and grinned.  
“You’re so weird.”  
“I know.” And with that they set off out of the village.

Aaron began to get fed up with Rob’s constant questions about their final destination but he refused to give in and tell him. Eventually they made the final turn onto the seafront and the need for questions was eliminated.   
“You’re taking me to the seaside?”  
“Yeah. You got a problem with that?”  
“No. Absolutely not. It’s….cute.”  
“I told you you’d like it…….But Rob?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Don’t ever call me cute.”  
“Deal.”

They parked the car, put their jackets on and headed down to the beach. There was a biting wind come off the sea but neither of them minded. Away from the village they could be together and not hide it. Rob reached out and took Aaron’s hand as they walked along the sand. They smiled at each other.  
“My mum brought me here when I was little.” Aaron explained. “We went on a day trip and came here. I loved it. She left not long after that.”  
“Must’ve been tough.”  
“Yeah. Nothing to what happened to you though.” Rob looked at Aaron a little confused. “Your mum.” He clarified. “Vic told me what happened. I can’t imagine losing my mum. It must’ve been awful.” Rob sighed.  
“I was close to her; much closer than I was with my dad most of the time. It hit me hard when she died and it certainly created more of a divide between me and Andy…..I think that’s where it all started really.”  
“What started?” Aaron questioned, sticking his free hand into his pocket.  
“I started to become….an outsider in the family…or at least, that’s what it felt like. Dad was always far more keen to blame me than Andy and it turned me into a really angry and unpleasant teenager. That’s the memory that most of the people in the village have of me – including your mum.”  
“Yeah I know. I wish it wasn’t like that.”  
“Me too…..Anyway. When I was nineteen, me and Andy had been fighting and…we ended up playing chicken on the road by Wilson’s fields. There was a crash. I got Andy out of his car but…our friend, Max, died. Dad found us. Blamed it all on me of course. Said he’d never forgive me….He told me to leave and never come back….That’s when I joined the army. I felt like I had nothing to lose.”  
“Do you regret it? Joining the army?”  
“No….There are times when I wish I hadn’t seen the things I’ve seen but I enjoy my work. Besides I don’t have it nearly as bad as a lot of soldiers. Being a mechanic keeps me away from most of the frontline action anyway.”  
“Still dangerous though.” Aaron mumbled. Rob stopped walking and took both of Aaron’s hands, turning him so they were facing.  
“Hey. I’m careful. I do alright.” He smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend.  
“I still can’t help worrying Rob. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”   
“I won’t let anything happen okay?” He touched Aaron’s cheek. “I joined the army because I had nothing to live for. The best soldier is one who has nothing to lose. But now…I have you. I have you to live for, Aaron. I’m not gonna get hurt okay? I promise.” Aaron swallowed deeply and nodded. “Now, I don’t know about you but I fancy a coffee.”  
“Sure.” Rob smiled at Aaron again. He gave him a kiss on the cheek and then they walked up towards the row of shops and cafes hand in hand.


	19. More Time

"Could you pass me that spanner?" Rob lazily handed it over from where he was sitting on a hay bale. "Ta." Aaron put his head back into the bonnet again. Rob watched as his boyfriend's arms jostled and fumbled as he attempted to put the finishing touches to another part of the engine. His heart ached at the thought that Aaron was his. The time they spent together was the best time either of them had ever had. Over the days, they'd become closer and closer and they were now more than happy just to be in each other's company - no matter where they were or what they were doing. The pressures of dating were off. Neither of them needed the step by step lead up that most people trudge through when entering a new relationship. They both knew that the little time they had to spend before Robert had to leave would be used most effectively by skipping out all the other stuff. They knew where they stood and it made them both happy enough that most of the time they could manage to forget the looming countdown to Rob's departure. But today was different. Today Rob couldn't force himself to be oblivious. Today Rob was savouring every moment with Aaron as if it was his last. "You know, I think we're making real progress here."  
"Mmm." Robert mumbled. Aaron turned to him, downing tools as he tried to understand the look of sadness on his boyfriend's face.   
"What's up?"  
"Nothing." Rob brushed the question off nonchalantly in the hope that Aaron would leave it at that but he knew deep down that wouldn't be the case.  
"Rob. You've been down all day." Aaron carefully sat down next to the older man and put a hand on his knee. Robert knew he would have to tell the truth eventually and so he decided to just get it over and done with.  
"I have to leave the day after tomorrow." He explained sadly.  
"What? But we still have almost a week. I don't understand." Aaron was panicking.  
"I have to go to the base for the last few days of training before we're deployed. I'm sorry."  
"No."  
"Aaron..."  
"No, you can't go. Not yet. You can't." A tear broke from Aaron's eye and Rob immediately pulled him into a hug.  
"Hey, it's gonna be okay. I can still call you. We'll talk every day, I promise."  
"I thought we had more time."  
"I know. So did I. I'm so sorry Aaron."  
"Please don't leave me Rob. I don't want you to go." Rob rubbed his hand in circles on Aaron's back in comfort. His own tears began to well up and he had to fight hard to keep them back.   
"We'll get through this Aaron. Together we will. I'll take all the leave they give me and the time will fly, I swear."  
"I don't know what I'll do without you."  
"Me neither." Aaron forced himself to sit up and look at Rob.  
"Just promise me one thing." He said, trying to be as clear as he could.  
"Okay."  
"Promise me you'll tell me how you are...honestly. I want to help you Rob and I want you to come back to me in one piece - mentally aswell as physically. I know what it's like to bottle emotions. It messes with your head. But I'll always be here to listen, Rob. So when I ask you if you're okay, you have to promise me you'll tell the truth." Robert stared straight into his eyes.  
"I promise."


	20. Peaceful

That night, Aaron lay awake thinking about Rob leaving in only a matter of hours. He couldn't bear the thought of being alone again. He had family. He had friends. Neither of which stopped him feeling totally isolated. But Robert did. Robert made him feel like he meant something. It was an amazing feeling and the thought of not having that when Rob left made Aaron's heart sink. He wanted to do something, anything, to stop him leaving but he knew that was impossible. He also knew that if Robert had the choice, he would stay. But he didn't have the choice. Neither of them did.

Aaron though back to the first time he saw Robert. The way his hair was messed up and yet so perfect. The way his t-shirt clung to his muscles as he strode along. The way he smiled.....It made Aaron happy to think of it. He hadn't felt that feeling of excitement over someone in so long. He'd hated it at the time. He'd fought against it. Why? He couldn't even remember now.

Chas' footsteps ascending the stairs outside his bedroom door brought Aaron back out of his thoughts. He couldn't sleep. His mind was to full of thoughts. Thoughts of things he had to do before Rob left, things he wanted to say and promises he wanted to make. He heard his mum close the door to her bedroom and he sighed. He contemplated getting up and going downstairs but decided quickly that it would make no difference wether he was trying to sleep or trying to concentrate on a movie, his mind was still going to be on one thing....Robert.

He rolled onto his side, pushing the pillow into a better position and trying desperately to relax. His phone lit up with a text and Aaron immediately reached over to pick it up. 'Can't sleep and wondered if you're having the same problem. I'm glad we had our chat today. It's made me feel better about some stuff. Can't stop thinking about you. R x'. Aaron smiled to himself and sat up against his headboard to reply - 'I'm still awake too. I can't relax when I know tomorrow is our last day together.' He sat and waited for a reply. It came in a matter of seconds. 'It's just for now Aaron. We'll have fun tomorrow and then before you know it we'll be seeing each other again.' As soon as he'd read it, another message popped up - 'Try not to worry.' Aaron contemplated the texts. He thought for a moment and then sent - 'Can I come over?' He waited again.....'Of course xx'.

Aaron hurried to throw on a hoodie and some shoes and then tiptoed down the stairs and outside. It only took him a couple of minutes to get to Vic's front door. Rob had obviously been watching out for him and opened the door straight away. Aaron stepped inside and shut the door quietly behind him. He turned back to Rob and kissed him. Rob took his hand and lead him up the stairs and into his room. "Are you okay?" He asked in a whisper.  
"I'm much better now." They smiled lightly at each other.  
"Let's try and get some sleep." Rob suggested. Aaron slipped his shoes and hoodie back off and the two men slid into the bed together, huddling up close under the duvet. They turned in towards each other and rested their foreheads together. Aaron could feel his boyfriend's breath on his cheek and it calmed him. "Night Aaron." The room was so dark and so quiet...so peaceful.  
"Night Robert."


	21. Scars

Robert slowly blinked his eyes own. Aaron was gazing back at him, looking so calm and happy. "Morning." Rob croaked sleepily. Aaron pressed a soft kiss to his lips and lifted a hand up to stroke his fingers through his boyfriend's blond hair. "So, what do you want to do today?" Aaron smiled.  
"This." He suggested, half joking, half serious.  
"You want to just lye here all day?" Aaron ran his hand through Rob's hair again.  
"As long as I'm with you, I couldn't care less what we do."  
"Same here." Robert replied honestly. "I'll go get us some breakfast in bed then shall I?" Aaron just grinned and nodded. Rob hopped out of bed. In daylight Aaron was able to admire the half dressed appearance of his boyfriend in a way he hadn't been able to in the darkness of the night. The older man stretched up and Aaron couldn't help but stare. "Tea or coffee?" Rob questioned. As he turned to speak, Aaron caught sight of the scar on the left side of the his chest. He remembered seeing it that day in the barn but he'd thought no more of it since.  
"Rob, how did you get that?" He dared to ask, gesturing towards the noticeable mark as he lay on his side in the bed. Robert's face sunk a little.  
"The same IED that killed Matt. Like a fool, I tried to pull him out of the way. I was lucky the shrapnel didn't do more damage." He looked down at the scar, pressing his hand over it. "It was only a flesh wound really." Aaron watched as Robert reached down to the floor, picked up a t-shirt and pulled it on.  
"I'm sorry if that was rude - me asking you like that."  
"You should be able to ask me stuff Aaron. I don't mind talking about it with you. The stuff I've been through is a part of me...a part of me which you have just as much right to know about as everything else about me." Aaron smiled lightly in reassurance. "Right, I'll get that breakfast."  
"Tea please." Aaron confirmed to save Rob asking again.  
"I won't be long." When his boyfriend was gone, Aaron rolled onto his back. He wondered if he shouldn't have asked the question. Rob was right that they should be able to ask each other stuff....but Aaron had enough scars of his own and it wouldn't be long before he was the one having to explain. He had no idea how Rob would react to the reason behind his battered body. He shuffled up the bed to sit against the headboard. Slowly he reached down and pulled his top up to reveal the scars across his stomach. Some of the marks were distant memories...others were more recent. Aaron stared at himself. He was hideous he knew that. Robert would never find him attractive when he found out about this. He wanted to just tell him. To get it out of the way and just deal with the consequences, whatever they may be...but he couldn't think how. To be honest even if he could've thought how, he doubted he'd have the guts to go through with it. Just as he was deep in thought, the bedroom door burst open again and Rob came back in carrying a couple of mugs. There wasn't enough time for Aaron to cover his stomach back up and, before he knew it, Robert had seen and was staring at him with worried eyes...


	22. Love

Aaron was frozen as he stared back at his boyfriend. Robert calmly went to his bedside table and put the mugs of tea down. He stared at them for a second longer, thinking what to say…then he looked up at Aaron. “I won’t ask if you don’t want me to.” He spoke gently with kindness and love in his eyes.  
“You won’t be able to stop yourself wondering though.” Aaron said plainly. He kept his eyes on Rob but knew that he couldn’t tell him the truth while looking at him so he swung his legs of the bed and sat facing the wall. “After Jackson…I started struggling with my own emotions….the only way I could cope was by hurting myself…I hated myself for what I’d done and cutting myself helped somehow……I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” There was silence and Aaron’s heart sunk.  
“The cut, on your hand, that I helped you clean up…was that…?”  
“Yes.” Silence.  
“Why?”  
“I was falling for you and I knew – or I thought I knew – that you didn’t feel the same way and I was angry at myself.”  
“For falling in love.”  
“Yeah.” After a moment, Aaron felt the mattress dip under him as Robert moved across it over to him. Rob swung his legs off the bed and sat next to his boyfriend. He turned to Aaron.  
“I’m gonna help you.”  
“How?” Aaron replied hopelessly, keeping his eyes fixed to the floor.  
“I’ll do whatever you need me to…..Hey.” He put a hand on Aaron’s knee coaxing the bloke to look at him. “I love you.” Aaron stared at him. They’d never said it. Not quite like that anyway. They both knew how they felt about each other but neither of them had said it aloud yet. “I love you, Aaron.” Rob smiled lightly as though trying to reassure and comfort but also affirm his own happiness in what he’d just admitted aloud. He leant in tentatively and kissed Aaron gently. Aaron moved his hands up to Rob’s face, kissing him back like he never wanted to let go.

They lay in bed together for a couple of hours more, just holding each other and talking about anything and everything. In the back of their minds was the clock ticking towards Rob’s departure but mostly they were able to push away the thought and just focus on the here and now, together. “Aaron, I promised I would tell you how I was feeling truthfully when I’m away but can you do something for me?”  
“What?”  
“Promise me you’ll do the same and that if you’re ever thinking of…of hurting yourself, that you’ll talk to someone – me, your mum, Paddy, anyone.” Aaron nodded. “Good. I need to know you’re gonna be okay here when I’ve gone.”  
“I’ll miss you, like crazy. But I promise I won’t do anything stupid.” Aaron ran his fingers through Rob’s hair. “Just come back to me safe.”  
“Of course.” They smiled at each other. “Do you want to go for a walk?”  
“Yeah.”

The two men put some clothes on and headed out. They walked down to the river and stood on the bridge for a while chatting.   
“I’ll call you whenever I can.” Rob assured as they gazed down the river.   
“I’ll be waiting.”  
“We can make plans. We’ll have plenty of time to think of everything we want to do together.”  
“I’ll make a list.” Rob smirked and threw his arm around his boyfriend.   
“You’ll have to send me a copy.” He smiled and kissed the side of Aaron’s head.   
“I will.” 

They walked on, through some fields, and by the time they were heading back it was already going dark. They held hands as they made their way back to the village. They went back to Vic’s and made a beeline for the kitchen to find something to eat. Vic was sat at the table, drinking a mug of coffee. She smiled at the two men.  
“Where have you two been then?”  
“For a walk, nosy.” Rob quipped, heading to the fridge.  
“There’s some pizzas in there if you want them.”  
“Ah, cheers sis.” Rob pulled the pizzas out and set about putting them in the oven. Meanwhile Aaron rested back against the kitchen counter watching his boyfriend move around the kitchen.  
“What time are you off in the morning?” She asked before taking another sip of her coffee. Aaron’s face dropped a little.  
“Seven.” Rob replied, standing up from putting the food in the oven.  
“I’ll miss you being around. I’ve got used to it over the last few weeks.”  
“I know. Me too.” The siblings shared a sad look between them.  
“I’m working this evening. I should be off.” She put her mug down and stood up. “I’ll see you in the morning.”   
“Yeah.” Then she left. When Aaron heard the front door click shut he turned to Rob.   
“If she doesn’t know you’re in the army, where does she think you’re going?”  
“I just told her that I have to go away for work.”  
“If only it were that simple.”  
“I know.” Rob sighed. He looked at his boyfriend, trying to stay positive. “Go pick a movie, I’ll be there in a minute.” Aaron nodded and went through to the living room. Rob leant back against the counter and began to cry. He put his hands up to his face to stop himself from making any noise. He didn’t want to worry Aaron any more than he already was. This was going to be so hard.

They sat together on the sofa, ate and watched a movie. When the credits started rolling down the screen, Aaron turned to Rob.  
“Can I stay here tonight?”  
“I was hoping you would.” Robert moved forward and kissed Aaron, then he took his hand and led him upstairs. They got into bed and huddled up together. They only had seven hours left together now. Aaron pushed himself closer to Rob, wrapping his arms around him.  
“I love you Robert.”  
“I love you too Aaron.” Seven hours…


	23. His Uniform

Aaron woke up alone in Robert's bed. He pushed himself up against the headboard, startled to find Rob gone. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his boyfriend packing some things into a bag at the end of the bed. Robert smiled at him. "Didn't think I'd leave without saying goodbye did you?" He went around the bed to Aaron and leant over to kiss him. "Morning." He spoke gently. "I have to go in about twenty minutes."  
"Okay." Aaron had to speak slowly to stop his voice cracking with emotion. Rob went back over to his bag and continued to pack items of clothing into it. Aaron watched him, savouring every moment. After a few minutes, the older man went to the wardrobe and pulled out his uniform laying it down on the bed. Aaron stared at it as if it was hurting him. Seeing Robert's name embroidered into the camouflaged material, so neatly ironed, made his heart pound with fear.  
"I need to get this out of the house without Vic seeing."  
"I'll create a diversion." Aaron joked weakly. Rob smiled again. "It feels so real now. Seeing that..." Aaron gestured to the uniform.   
"I know." Rob got onto the bed and pulled his boyfriend into a hug. They both held their tears back as they clung to each other.  
"Rob, you need to get going." Vic called from outside the bedroom door.  
"I'll be down in a minute." He called back before looking back at Aaron. "I have to go." He spoke softly.  
"Okay."

Vic hugged her brother tightly.  
"Call me. And I expect more frequent visits from now on, deal?"  
"Deal." Rob assured. She smiled and stepped back. Robert turned to his boyfriend. "Bye then." He said, his voice shaking.  
"Yeah." They stared at each other. Suddenly Rob pulled Aaron into an embrace and they stayed there swaying in each other's arms.   
"I love you."  
"I love you too." Rob pulled back. He watched Aaron for a moment, memorising everything about him. They kissed one last time and then Robert forced himself to walk away. He got into his car, giving Aaron one last loving look. Then he was gone, leaving Aaron with a comforting arm around Victoria as she sniffed against her tears.


	24. The Fifth Day

The days without Robert went by so slowly and Aaron felt more and more alone each minute that passed. Vic came to see him and tried to comfort him but even she, not knowing the full extent of the situation, couldn't make him feel any better. He started to distance himself from everyone, clinging onto the brief phone calls and intermittent texts that he and Rob exchanged. Work was alright because his mind was occupied but the moment he stepped inside the back room his heart started pounded with the need to see and be with Robert. Chas had started to notice something was up too. Although Aaron found her constant questions and pestering a complete annoyance, he had to admit that he didn't like making her worry like this. He was sure that she had in her mind that he had started hurting himself again but he concluded that bringing the subject up after so long would likely do more harm than good. He just took each day as it came and prayed that Rob would call because that was all he had left now...a voice at the end of the telephone telling him that he loved him and that everything would be alright...

On the fifth day without his boyfriend, Aaron had been awaiting a call or text all day but had received none. He couldn't help but worry. He guessed that the training was over and Robert had finally been deployed abroad but that made his head spin with fear and he couldn't take it anymore. He bombarded Rob's phone with texts and voicemails but still heard nothing back. As the day turned to evening and evening to night Aaron gave in and went to bed feeling desperate and frustrated. 

He lay there, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. He knew that. So he just lay there for what felt like hours.

Suddenly Aaron was shaken from his daze by his phone buzzing. He picked it up and answered. "Rob?"  
"Sorry I didn't call sooner."  
"You'd better be. You had me worried sick."  
"I'm really sorry. I've got a surprise for you."  
"What?" Aaron asked, a little less than enthused.  
"Look out your window."  
"What?"  
"Look out your window." Aaron huffed, unimpressed by Rob's midnight game playing, and went to the window. He pulled back the curtain and looked out. A black sky full of stars - nothing more, nothing less.  
"Am I supposed to be understanding what I'm looking at here?"  
"Look down you wally." Rob laughed slightly. Aaron traced his eyes down until he caught sight of a figure in the golden lamplight.....Robert.


	25. Close To You

Aaron ran down the stairs as fast as he dared to without waking Chas. When he reached the bottom he quickly unlocked the door and swung it open. Robert was stood there in his army uniform, his eyes telling Aaron all he needed to know. He stepped inside and kissed Aaron passionately, pushing them both back against the wall opposite. Aaron grabbed his boyfriend's arms, forcing him to step back as they stared into each other's eyes. "What are you doing here?" He whispered.  
"Aren't you pleased to see me?"  
"Of course. But I don't understand..."  
"We leave at midday tomorrow. We were given from eight this evening 'til nine tomorrow morning to do whatever we want. There is nothing I want to do more than spend whatever time I have with you."  
"You have to be back at nine? That means we've only got..."  
"Three hours." Rob finished for him. "I know it's not much but it's all I have." He reached up and put a hand in Aaron's hair. "I need to be with you tonight. I need to be close to you one last time before I leave."   
"Then that's what you'll get." They gazed at each other for a moment longer. Aaron went to close the door that was still slightly ajar. He took Rob's hand. "We have to be quiet. The last thing we want is mum finding out about us tonight." Rob nodded in understanding and so Aaron proceeded to lead him up the stairs and into his bedroom, treading carefully all the way. Rob gently shut the door behind them and turned to Aaron. The only light was coming from the lamp on the bedside table so the room was mostly dark. Robert reached out and put his hands on Aaron's hips. He looked into his boyfriend's eyes and saw the love there.  
"You're so beautiful." He kept his voice low and soft. Aaron looked embarrassed and blushed. Rob moved a hand to Aaron's cheek. "I mean it. Every time I see you I fall more in love with you." Aaron smiled shyly and rubbed his hand up Rob's arm which was still extended to his hip.   
"I missed you." He admitted.  
"Same here." Aaron watched the older man as he breathed steadily. His eyes were glistening in the low light as he licked his lip slowly.   
"Robert..."  
"What is it?"  
"I...I want you..." Rob's breath hitched a little at his boyfriend's admission and his grip on Aaron tightened. "I know we've never...but..."  
"I want you too Aaron. I didn't think you were ready before. I didn't want to push you."  
"I wasn't ready. But now.....this could be the last opportunity we get for a long time." Aaron put both his hands on Robert's chest. "I trust you Rob......I love you."  
"If you're sure."  
"I'm sure." Rob nodded slowly. Aaron took him by the hand again and led him over to the bed. He was nervous. Good nervous. Excited nervous. Nothing had ever felt so right.


	26. Talk To Me

The two men lay face to face, their arms and legs intertwined as they smiled lovingly at each other. "Are you okay?" Robert asked in a whisper.   
"Yeah." Aaron shifted slightly to snuggle into Rob more. "I wish we could stay here forever."  
"Yeah, me too." Rob sighed and lifted his head a little to see Aaron's clock on his bedside table, then dropped it back down onto the pillow.  
"How long?" Aaron asked sadly. Rob swallowed.  
"An hour." Aaron sighed, putting his arm further around his boyfriend.  
"Talk to me Robert. About anything. Just talk." Rob smiled gently. "When I was a kid...I dunno, about ten I suppose...me and Andy were playing in the woods near our farm. Andy had just got a pellet gun for his birthday. He would pretend to shoot me as I ran around between the trees....but this one time he actually shot me.......got me right on the arse." They both laughed.  
"He didn't."  
"He did. Had a sore bum for weeks." Aaron's laugh calmed and he pushed a hand through Rob's hair.   
"You're so dumb." Rob moved forward a little and kissed him. When he pulled they stayed close together, their eyes fixed on each other's. "Keep talking."  
"The first time Vic tried to ride a horse..."

Many stories, laughs and kisses later, Rob suddenly stopped talking.  
"Why have you stopped?" Aaron questioned, sleepily.  
"Aaron...it's time." That made the younger man snap back to reality. He lifted himself up a little to look at his boyfriend properly.   
"No. You can't go. Not yet."  
"I have to."  
"Surely you can stay a bit longer."  
"I'm already pushing it to get back in time. Unless you wanna buy me a helicopter then I have to go now." Rob joked.  
"Robert." Aaron scolded.  
"I'm sorry." They stared at each other for a moment longer. Aaron looked away in defeat. Robert got out of the bed and started putting his clothes back on. Aaron shifted up the bed and sat against the headboard watching him. When Rob was finished he turned to Aaron. "I love you."  
"I know you do." Aaron knelt up on the edge of the bed in front of Rob and put his hands on his waist, kissing him passionately. "I love you too." Rob stepped back and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the keys to the Ferrari and held them out to Aaron.  
"I want you to have these. Keep an eye on the car. You can carry on with the repairs if you like. I trust you."   
"Are you sure?"  
"Absolutely." Aaron took the keys and kissed Robert again. He looked him up and down slowly.  
"You look incredible in that uniform by the way." Aaron admitted making Rob laugh.  
"See there are some perks to having a boyfriend in the army." They smiled at each other again, trying to make light of the situation. "I'm sorry. I really have to go."  
"I know." The younger man answered, concentrating hard so as not to cry. Rob ran his fingers through Aaron's hair.  
"Bye."  
"Bye." Robert stepped away. He bit his lip as he took one last look at his boyfriend. Then he forced himself to walk to the door and leave. Aaron couldn't bear to watch him drive away again so he just curled up in the bedsheets and cried.


	27. Leather Jacket

Aaron woke up feeling surprisingly good about himself. He hated that Rob was gone and that it would be months before he saw him again but their late night meeting had, somehow, put his mind at ease. He got dressed and went to work. In his mind, he kept playing what Robert had said to him over and over. Every joke. Every story. Every 'I love you'. It made him feel better. For how long this good mood was going to last, he wasn't sure, but for now it was, at the very least, helping him cope with listening to Cain's constant digs. 

After work, Aaron went straight to the barn. He stepped inside and went over to were the Ferrari was parked in amongst the hay bales. He looked around. Rob's leather jacket was still hanging from a nail in the wall where he must've accidentally left it. Aaron picked it up. It smelt like Rob......Aaron looked around again. There were tools everywhere. It felt so strange being in the barn alone. It felt so...empty. He looked down at the jacket again. After a moment longer he put it back on the bale and set about working on the car.

The work went a lot quicker without Robert there. He wasn't distracted by jokes or wondering if his boyfriend was eyeing him up as he leaned into the bonnet. 

Eventually Aaron decided he should call it a day and head home.

Vic went as quickly as she could to answer the door. She unlocked it and opened it. "Aaron?"  
"Hi Vic. Sorry to bother you. I found this." He held the jacket out to her. "It's Rob's. I thought I should bring it back to leave it with the rest of his stuff."  
"Oh right. Yeah, thanks." She took the jacket and smiled. "Do you wanna come in for a minute?"  
"No, it's okay. I should be getting back."  
"Are you sure? The kettle's just boiled, I can do you a brew." Aaron considered for a moment.  
"Okay. Thanks."

They sat at the kitchen table with their mugs of tea, exchanging the odd word and smiling to each other.  
"Aaron, can I ask you something?" Vic suddenly asked, quite seriously.  
"Of course." Aaron put his mug down on the table to concentrate fully on her question.  
"I'm a little confused. Robert's gone to do a job somewhere right?"  
"Yeah." Aaron answered cautiously, a little nervous as to where the conversation was going. The last thing he wanted to do was give Rob's secret away.  
"So how come he's left all his stuff here?" Aaron bit his lip. "I mean, I'd understand if he was only away for a few weeks, a month even, I'd understand, but he says he's gonna be away for several months, possibly longer....so how come he's only taken one hold-all of clothes and nothing else? I just don't get it. And what's with all the secrecy about where he's gone?"  
"Umm..." Vic watched Aaron intently as he struggled for an answer. "He...um...he might be moving around a fair bit, didn't want to have to cart too much about from place to place." Vic stared at him a moment longer.  
"And what about you two? You've just got together and now he's gone off somewhere and you're not gonna see him for months?" Aaron hated lying.   
"Um...well, it is his job Vic. I understand that."  
"So where is it he's gone then? Has he not even told you?"  
"Um.......I should really be going Vic." He stood up, put his mug on the counter and turned to leave. "Thanks for the brew."  
"Wait. Aaron." Vic stopped him just before he reached the door. He looked at her, trying not to seem guilty although really the thought of having to lie again was making him hate himself. "Something's going on isn't it?" Aaron looked down. "What is it? Tell me. Where has he gone?.......You know more than you're saying. Come on Aaron."  
"I can't tell you Vic. I'm sorry." He quickly opened the door and got out of the house and away as fast as he could. Robert was going to kill him. How had he given the game away so easily? Now what was he going to do? Rob had kept this from her for a reason and now Aaron had ruined it. He'd ruined it. He needed to talk to Robert. He needed to talk to him now. He needed to ask him what to do...


	28. Sanctuary

The next day, Aaron kept looking over his shoulder, constantly on edge that he could face further interrogation from Vic at any second. As soon as he finished work, he headed straight to the barn again to work on the Ferrari. It had become a sanctuary for him. He could be alone there. Away from questions. It was also the only way Aaron could feel close to Robert. There had still been zero communication between them since he left. Robert had told Aaron that would be the case for at least the first few days he was away. They had both expected it and so Aaron tried not to let it bother him. He had to keep reminding himself that he couldn't be selfish. That it was Rob, not him, who was putting himself at risk for the sake of others. Aaron was proud of his boyfriend but at the same time he'd much rather have him home so they could be together. 

Aaron headed home around ten and went into the back room to get himself a brew. Chas was sitting on the sofa watching the TV intently. "Hiya love." She acknowledged nonchalantly, her eyes still glued to the screen.  
"Hi." He flicked the kettle on and, finding the tea caddy empty, set about finding some tea bags. "By the way, Lisa said she wanted a word with you about the surprise, or whatever it is, that you're sorting out for Zak."  
"Oh right. When did you see her then?"  
"She popped into the garage earlier. Said she couldn't find you so she told me to pass on the message. Where's the tea bags mum?"  
"Top shelf in the cupboard closest to the sink." Aaron rummaged about and pulled out a fresh packet of tea bags, setting them down on the counter. He wandered over to the sofa. Looking towards the TV.  
"What are you watching?"  
"Documentary. It's about British troops on the frontline in Afghanistan." Aaron's heart pounded as he looked closer at the screen. There were soldiers, tired and run down, trudging along with their backpacks and guns, as the narrator read out the hideous figures of British soldiers' deaths in the last months...  
"Turn it off."  
"What?" Chas turned to her son who was looking increasingly flustered.  
"I said, turn it off. Now!" He grabbed the remote and the TV screen went black. Aaron tried to calm his breathing. He looked down at his mum. Chas was looking terrified, staring back up at her son.  
"What the hell was that about?" Aaron looked like he could cry. "Aaron?" He threw the remote down and stormed out, slamming the back door behind him.


	29. Emotions

"Aaron wait! Aaron! Aaron, what the hell is going on?!" Chas pursued her son as he sped up Main Street, his walking verging on a run. "Talk to me son!" He turned suddenly.   
"I can't tell you anything mum. I can't talk about it. Just leave me alone." He turned to head off again but came face to face with Paddy. He went to go around him but Paddy put his hand out. Aaron looked up at him, less angrily than he had looked at his mother.  
"What's going on?" The man asked in his calmest voice.   
"He's suddenly gone off on one for no reason and..."  
"I asked him, Chas." Paddy interrupted, far more concerned with helping Aaron than being polite to Chas. "What's going on?" He repeated just as calmly as the first time.  
"It's nothing. I can handle it."  
"Yeah, it looks like it." His sarcasm made Aaron look away again.  
"I can't get a word out of him." Chas argued, coming closer to the men. "Something's going on and I need to know what it is."  
"Why?!" Aaron snapped towards his mum. "Why has it always got to be about you, you selfish witch?!" He seethed.  
"Hey, hey." Paddy stepped in, trying to calm him.  
"No, I've had enough. I'm fed up of you sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. I'm a grown man."  
"Well why don't you start acting like one then?" Chas sniped. Aaron stared at her...shook his head...and walked away.  
"Nice one, Chas." Paddy glared at her before quickly following after Aaron.

Paddy finally caught up with Aaron at the bridge. Aaron was leaning on the railing looking down at the water below.  
"Hey." Paddy greeted softly as he approached him. The younger man looked up at him sadly.  
"I'm sorry I shouted at you. It's not you I'm angry about. Mum's right, I act like a kid having a tantrum." He looked back down at the river again. Paddy moved closer and rested his arms on the railing, looking to Aaron.  
"So if it's not me you're angry at...then what is it you are angry about?"  
"Mum." Aaron sighed. "She constantly asking me if I'm okay, what I'm doing, where I'll be, when I'll be home.....it's doing my head in."  
"Maybe she has good reason to be worried." Aaron stayed silent. "Look Aaron, I know you. You don't get like this over your mum nagging you more than you'd like......And I'd say it's not just anger you're feeling either. You're upset." Tears were already welling in Aaron's eyes. "You know you can talk to me. Just tell me what's going on. I might me able to help..."  
"You can't help." Aaron wiped a tear from his cheek. "Nobody can help."  
"You sure about that? I've been pretty good in the past haven't I, eh?" He nudged Aaron with his elbow a little, making him smirk briefly before his face went back to deep thought again. Paddy struggled to know what to do. "I love you, Aaron. I love you like a son and you know that. I'd hate for anything bad to happen to you...so, if you're in trouble...."  
"I'm not." Aaron cut him off. "I haven't done anything wrong. It's not like that."  
"Well, if you've started hurting yourself again..."  
"No." Aaron snapped his head up to Paddy. "I did once but....it was just a blip and this has got nothing to do with that."   
"Well what then, Aaron? I just want to help. Let me in. Tell me what's going on. Please." Aaron stared at Paddy for a minute, thinking.  
"If I tell you....you have to swear it won't go any further. No-one else can no. No-one. Do you understand?"  
"Of course." Paddy answered looking a little worried at what Aaron might say.  
"It's.....it's about a bloke."  
"A bloke you like?" Aaron took a deep breath.  
"A bloke who's my boyfriend."  
"You're seeing someone?" Aaron nodded nervously. "Well that's great. So what's the problem."  
"He's in the army. He's been deployed and I won't see him for months." Aaron's face broke. "And it's killing me. Not being able to see him or talk to him, mixed with the fear of knowing how much danger he is facing." He sighed. "I've been coping alright. I've just been taking it day by day and keeping myself busy.....but then this evening I got home and mum was watching some dumb documentary about British armed forces in Afghanistan and...I don't know, everything just came to reality and I panicked."  
"Well that's quite a situation isn't it?.......So you really like this guy then?" Aaron smiled at the thought of Robert.  
"Yeah. I really do."  
"Do you love him?" Aaron nodded slowly.  
"Yeah."  
"Then, if he's definitely worth it, you need to find a way to deal with the separation and the emotions. Long distance relationships can work. It takes effort but if the people are right for each other then..." Aaron nodded in understanding. "So...how long have you....?"  
"A few weeks. I know it doesn't sound long but...I'm so sure about this Paddy."  
"He must be quite a guy to have got you feeling like this." Paddy acknowledged with a smile.  
"Yeah. He is." There was a moment's pause before Paddy spoke again.  
"Aaron, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure."  
"Why couldn't you talk to your mum about this?......Since Jackson you've been so much better at opening up to her, so...what happened?" Aaron looked away.  
"She wouldn't approve."  
"Well I strongly doubt that. A soldier who's brave, and no doubt handsome, who's got her son feeling like this.....I doubt she'd have a problem with that."  
"Normally I'd agree with you....but not when it's this particular soldier who's got her son feeling like this." Paddy looked confused.  
"Does she know him?" Aaron didn't know whether to go on or not.  
"I should be getting back, Paddy. Thanks for the talk." He turned to leave.  
"Who is it Aaron?" The younger man froze in the darkness. This was Paddy. A man he trusted more than anyone else. A man who had done so much for him. A man who deserved to know the truth. Aaron took a shaky breath...  
"It's Robert Sugden."


	30. Not Alone

"Robert Sugden? You're in love with Robert Sugden?" Aaron turned around to Paddy.  
"I know it's hard to believe, but he's not the man everyone says he is."  
"Really?" Paddy scoffed.  
"Since the day I met him, he has only ever treated me with kindness and understanding. He's a good man Paddy."  
"But Aaron..."  
"Look, if you're going to tell me another one of the stories about what he's done in the past, then you can stop right there. I know what he's done. He's told me everything. And I'll tell you something, he's not proud of it, any of it......I've done some pretty bad stuff myself, Paddy. We can't just conveniently forget that." The older man watched Aaron for a minute.  
"If you are totally sure this is what you want, then I'm not gonna stand in your way but I do think you should tell your mum."  
"No. Absolutely not. She'd have a fit. Not to mention the fact she's one of the biggest gossips in the village and currently me and you are the only ones who know that Rob's in the army."  
"Why doesn't he want anyone to know? Surely someone like Robert Sugden would be gloating about this all day long."  
"He wanted to protect Victoria and Diane from the worrying." Aaron took a step closer to Paddy. "You see. You've got him totally wrong. He'd rather protect his sister than take advantage of his bragging rights." Paddy nodded a little.  
"So what are you gonna do?"  
"How do you mean?"  
"Well if you're not gonna tell your mum, then how to you expect there not to be a repeat of tonight's incident? She's already noticing something's up."  
"I know. I'll think of something. I have to."  
"Just don't let it boil over again. If you need to talk - vent some frustrations or whatever - you know I'm always here."  
"Thanks Paddy. I really appreciate it."  
"Yeah, well, it's no bother. Like I said, I love you...and I'm glad you've told me. At least you're not alone in this now." Aaron smiled in assurance. "Come here." Paddy pulled Aaron into a hug. They stayed there until Aaron patted him on the back and stepped away.  
"I should get back. Speak to mum."  
"Go easy on her, eh."  
"I will. Night Paddy."  
"Night Aaron."

Aaron stepped inside and clicked the door shut behind him. He went into the back room where Chas was stood in the kitchen holding a mug. They stared at each other for a moment.  
"So...are you going to explain or...?"  
"I'm sorry I shouted." He apologised weakly.  
"That's not an explanation Aaron." He sighed and went to sit on the sofa. Chas followed him, standing above him a few steps away.  
"I guess I've just been getting a bit...overwhelmed lately. Being back....being here...it's all just....a bit much for me to handle sometimes. But I'm getting there."  
"So this evening?"  
"I don't know." Aaron looked down at the floor. "I've spoken to Paddy. It won't happen again. I swear."  
"Okay. But in future can we talk about what's going on and not go straight to a shouting match?"  
"Yeah. I'm sorry." She stepped closer.  
"It's okay love. I just want you to be happy. That's all. Just talk to me, yeah? If it's getting too much....we can figure something out....You don't have to do this on your own." Aaron looked up at his mum who smiled encouragingly at him.  
"Thanks." She nodded.  
"I'm going to bed. Are you gonna be alright?"  
"Yeah. Thanks."  
"Alright. Night love."  
"Night mum." She headed off up the stairs, leaving Aaron alone in the back room. He rubbed his face with his hands and leaned forward to pick up the TV remote. He scrolled through the recordings for something to watch......'Britain on the Frontline: Our Troops Abroad'.........Aaron stared at it. He hesitated....then he clicked play....


	31. Familiar Voice

Two weeks later...

Aaron had got into a rhythm. Everyday he'd get up, go to work, go to the barn for a couple of hours, go home, watch some TV and then go to bed. It was easier that way. He kept himself busy and for the most part he was okay. Of course there was the odd night when he'd let it slip and he'd lye in bed, awake for hours, crying, wondering how Robert was. He'd spoken to Paddy a couple more times just for someone to talk to about his feelings. Chas had backed off, a bit at least, and neither of them had spoken about their argument since that night. 

It was gone five and Aaron was just heading to his car to drive out to the barn when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it. "Hello?"  
"Hiya." The relaxed and oh so familiar voice replied. Aaron's heart pounded and he had to put his hand on a car to stop himself from falling to the floor.  
"Robert?"  
"Yeah, it's me."   
"Oh my God." His voice cracked and a tear rolled down his cheek.  
"Hey, don't cry you silly beggar." Rob joked. "How are you?"  
"So much better for hearing your voice."  
"Same here." There was a moment's pause. "Where are you?"   
"The garage."  
"I thought you would be. Sorry if it was a bad time to call."  
"There is no bad time for you to call. Call whenever, I'll always be here to pick up the phone." Aaron sat back against the bonnet of the car, calming himself. "I love you so much. I've missed you."  
"Yeah I've missed you too."  
"How are you?"  
"I'm okay. We've just been getting settled in really.......It's really strange being back here without Matt though."  
"Of course. But you're coping alright?"  
"Yeah. I've been keeping busy and....I'll be fine."  
"Good."  
"How are things in the village?"  
"Oh, boring, as ever. I had a bit of a barny with mum a couple of weeks back."  
"Oh?"  
"She was watching.....no it's stupid don't worry."  
"No, tell me. We said we were going to be honest with each other didn't we?" Aaron sighed.  
"She was watching a documentary about the British army and...well it freaked me out a bit, that's all."  
"Yeah. I made the mistake of watching one of those once.......Have you ever watched 'Pearl Harbor'?"  
"No."  
"Don't. Had me balling like a baby that one." Aaron laughed. "Look, try not to get scared by those things, they always make it sound worse than it is. Let me guess, they read out the number of armed forces casualties there were last year?"  
"Yeah."  
"Exactly. They all do the same. Only they don't tell you how many soldiers are currently serving. Believe me, the percentage of us that get killed or injured is low." There was silence. "Aaron? Aaron, are you still there?"  
"Don't say 'us'. Please don't say 'us', Rob. I don't ever want to think of the possibility of you being injured or........so just....don't say 'us'. Okay?"  
"Okay." Aaron shook the thought out of his mind, suddenly remembering what he'd wanted to speak to Robert about.  
"By the way, Vic's getting suspicious."  
"What do you mean?"  
"She started asking all these questions about where you've gone and why you've left your stuff behind."  
"When did she start asking?"  
"The day after you left I think." Aaron could imagine Rob stood there, ear to the phone wondering what to do. "What do you want me to say to her?"  
"Nothing.......Don't say anything.......I've got to do this myself."  
"You're gonna tell her?" Aaron asked surprised.  
"I think I'm gonna have to. I've been dishonest for long enough."  
"Okay........Well, tell her she can talk to me if she needs."  
"Thanks Aaron. I appreciate it."  
"Of course."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." Aaron heard his boyfriend take a deep breath.  
"I have to go now."  
"Already?"  
"I'm sorry. I'm not allowed very long. I'll call again whenever I can."  
"Okay." Aaron tried not to sound disappointed. "Be safe, yeah?"  
"As if I'm ever anything else." Aaron smirked.   
"Good luck telling Vic."  
"Yeah, thanks." Aaron could hear distant shouting in the background. "Bye."  
"Bye Robert." And the phone went quiet. Aaron stared at the ground for a couple of minutes, settling himself. Cain stepped out of the garage and walked past him, stopping to look at his nephew.  
"Oh dear, what's happened now?" He joked.  
"Nothing to concern you with." Aaron stood up and walked away, his heart still pounding and a slight smile on his face. Robert was alright and knowing that made him feel so much better.


	32. Intentions

Aaron got home from work and went to get changed. He wanted to look presentable but definitely not like he was trying because then people might think he was out on the pull which he most certainly was not. He picked the bits of rust out of his hair that had been stuck there since Cain forced him to get down under the most minging banger either of them had seen for a long time. Chas was sat at the kitchen table with a magazine which she looked up from when her son entered the room to collect his keys and wallet. "Where are you off to? Don't worry I'm not checking up on you. I'm just curious."  
"Town."  
"Oh, looking for a fella are we?" Aaron cringed.  
"No actually. And even if I was, do you think I'd tell you?"  
"No, of course you wouldn't but you can't blame a woman for trying." She smiled.  
"See ya."  
"Bye love. Have fun."

Aaron stepped inside Bar West and looked around. There was something about the place that never changed. It was always full of the same types of people doing the same things for the same reasons. Aaron had been a part of that once - that ridiculously futile cycle - but not any more. Now he could see it for what it was. Now he wasn't looking for anything there. He went over to the bar and ordered a pint. Seeing that all the tables were occupied and that he didn't feel like asking to share with someone, Aaron just stayed standing at the bar, leaning on it and occasionally taking sips from his pint.

He'd been stood there a few minutes when another bloke came and stood beside him. He too had a pint and appeared to be alone. After another minute or so he turned to Aaron.  
"Packed in here isn't it?" He commented nonchalantly. Aaron knew exactly what he was doing and smirked slightly at the thought.  
"Yeah." He replied, deliberately keeping his answer short and hoping the bloke would get the message.  
"You know what I don't understand is how a place can be so full of people and yet so totally boring."  
"Mm."  
"Come here often do you?"  
"I used to." The bloke moved slightly closer.   
"Don't say much do you?" Aaron turned to him. The bloke was taller than him with a shade of hair slightly darker than his own. He was muscular and his smile told Aaron everything he needed to know about the guy's intentions.  
"Look mate, I'm not here to meet someone."  
"Good. Leaves the path clear for me then doesn't it?"  
"No, I mean...I have a boyfriend. I'm just here for a drink. That's all."  
"Oh." The bloke took a step back.  
"Sorry."  
"No, it's fine. Just me being a total idiot like always."  
"No, you're alright. It's not often you come across someone in here who isn't on the pull so it's not your fault that you just assumed." The guy nodded, still looking a little awkward. "I'm Aaron."  
"Luke."  
"Nice to meet you Luke."  
"So how come you're in here on a Friday night then and not with your boyfriend?" The guy began to relax.  
"He's away...on business."  
"Oh....into all that suit and tie stuff are you?"   
"What?"  
"You know, your boyfriend's a business man so you must find a man in a suit attractive right?" Aaron laughed.  
"Well I'm not sure about a suit but a uniform, yes."  
"Uniform?"  
"My boyfriend's in the Royal Engineers in the army. Saying he's away on business is just my weird way of saying he's away on deployment without people asking a million questions."  
"Oh, I see." Luke smiled. "So does he know you come to places like this without him?"  
"No, but we trust each other.......So what about you?"  
"What about me?"  
"Well, I hope you don't mind me saying, but you come across as a bit desperate."  
"I don't mind you saying. I know I come on quite strong. That's what happens when you haven't had a relationship for two years."  
"I know what that feels like."  
"Surely not. A handsome guy like you." Aaron blushed a little.  
"You'll find someone soon. I did."  
"Yeah. Not all of us can be lucky enough to find a handsome soldier though can we?" Luke joked making Aaron smile.  
"Do you fancy a game of pool?"  
"I don't know how to play."  
"I'll teach you."   
"Okay. Why not?"

They spent a couple of hours, chatting and playing pool. It was nice for Aaron to have someone to talk to who knew nothing about him or Robert or either of their pasts. In the midst of their knew found friendship, they both ended up drinking rather more than either of them meant to and eventually they called it a night and stumbled outside together. They wandered up the street laughing and joking. "Hey Aaron!" Luke shouted to distract Aaron before jabbing him in the stomach with his fingers. Aaron couldn't hold his balance and so stumbled back against the wall and fell to the floor in fits of laughter. They were both far too drunk to realise how ridiculous they both must look as Luke crouched down unsteadily in and attempt to help his friend up. He reached out but stopped. Their eyes connected. Luke leant in. Just as their lips were about to connect, Aaron gave the man a hard shove backwards, sending him flying into a car parked on the edge of the pavement. Aaron stood up, suddenly a lot more sober and aware. He stared down at Luke. In that instant he wanted to kick him in the stomach or punch him in the face but somehow he managed to stop himself. He turned and walked away as quickly as he could, getting into the nearest available taxi. 

He sat in the back of the taxi as it drove out of Hotten, his head spinning. He was so angry with himself. What would Rob say? The thought alone was enough to make his heart race and he started to cry...


	33. Coping

Aaron came downstairs with his head banging from last night. Chas was in the kitchen making breakfast when he walked in. "Wow. You look rough." She said as he slumped down into a chair, resting his elbows on the table and putting his head in his hands. "Heavy night was it?" She smirked at him. Aaron just groaned in response. "Well I'm glad you had a good time anyway."  
"I didn't." He mumbled.  
"Pardon?"  
"Nothing." His phone buzzed and he slowly pulled it out of his pocket to read the text - 'I'm sorry about last night. I was so drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. Please can we meet again some time? Luke'. Aaron deleted the text and put the phone face down on the table.  
"Everything okay?"  
"Yeah, everything's fine mum." Chas wasn't convinced but she'd learnt from experience that pushing her son always had the opposite to desired effect. Suddenly Vic burst in through the door. She'd obviously been crying and looked like she could start again at any moment. Chas went to her straight away. Aaron stood up, keeping his distance.  
"Vic, what is it? What's happened?" Chas asked. Vic looked directly at Aaron. He knew what that meant.  
"He's told you hasn't he?" He asked Vic, ignoring his mother's presence in the room. She nodded. Aaron looked to Chas. "Mum can you give us a minute please?"  
"But..."  
"Please mum." Chas looked between Aaron and Vic before nodding uncertainly. She turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"How long have you known?" Vic asked Aaron, looking up at him from where she was sitting on the sofa.   
"A while." He replied gently, moving to sit next to his friend. "At first he kept pushing me away because he thought it wouldn't be fair for us to get into a relationship together when he knew he wasn't going to be staying in the village for long."  
"So what changed?"  
"He told me the truth and I told him that to me...he was worth it." Vic smiled lightly.  
"I'm glad he has you Aaron." He returned a smile. "How have you been coping? I can't believe you've been dealing with this on your own."  
"It's not been easy. I've learnt ways to get through it. I just keep busy and hope each day that he'll call."  
"And when he doesn't?"  
"Then I hope for tomorrow....or the next day...." Vic looked to the floor.  
"I wish he'd told me before. I could've said a proper goodbye. I can't stand the thought that I didn't tell him I loved him and that might be the last time..."  
"You can't think like that Vic." Aaron warned harshly. "I love him and it scares me too that he's in so much danger where he is but that's what he does Vic. That's his life and therefore it's my life too....and yours now. It's hard but....we have to believe he's gonna be okay because if we don't....what else is there?" Vic looked at Aaron and saw the honesty in his words.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. I was the same as you at first. I could only see the negatives."  
"And now you don't?" He looked at her.  
"I see them less." She sighed.  
"At least we have each other now. That's got to be better right?"  
"Yeah. I'm sure it will be." He pulled her into a hug. "I'm glad you know now."  
"Yeah. Me too."


	34. Another Reassurance

Aaron raced out of the bathroom and into his bedroom to answer his phone, clutching a towel around his waist and praying that Chas didn't choose that precise moment to come out of her room. He slammed his bedroom door behind him and picked up his phone. "Hello?"  
"It's only me." Robert replied in his usual relaxed voice.  
"It's so good to hear your voice." Aaron sat down on the edge of his bed, his hair still dripping with wet.  
"Are you alright? You sound flustered."  
"Oh, no I'm fine. I was just in the bath that's all, I had to run to get to the phone. I'm glad I did though. I would hate to miss your call."  
"I can just imagine you now, sat there with your blue towel with the tear in it around your waist..."  
"Stop right there you perve." Aaron joked making them both laugh.   
"I love you too." Rob jested.  
"Yeah. I know you do." Aaron smiled to himself. "So, you told Vic."  
"Yeah."  
"She came to talk to me. She's scared but that's no surprise."  
"I know. That's what I wanted to avoid in the first place."  
"You might not agree with me Rob but I do genuinely believe that it's better she knows."  
"You're probably right." Aaron bit his lip.  
"How are you?" He asked tentatively.  
"Tired........It's been a long few weeks. And, of course, I miss you like crazy."  
"Yeah, I miss you too."  
"How's the Ferrari coming along?"  
"Good. I think I'm a couple of weeks away from having a working engine."  
"You better not be rushing things."  
"No, no, of course not Mr perfectionist." Aaron heard his boyfriend smirk and it made him smile again. "Have you got any sun burn yet?"  
"Me? No, I just tan me."   
"If you say so." Aaron thought for a moment and then decided to just go for it. "Rob, there's something I have to tell you."  
"That sounds ominous." Rob joked.  
"About a week ago, I went to Bar West and I got talking to this guy. He was a nice guy, or he seemed to be, so I played a few games of pool with him. We chatted and....well we both ended up having quite a lot to drink...." Aaron was surprised that Robert wasn't cutting in. Instead he was just letting Aaron recount the story and listening intently. "We went outside and I was going to get a taxi home but....he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away as soon as I knew what he was doing. I never led him on or anything, I swear. I'd told him I had a boyfriend. I only went to the bar for a few drinks that's all......I'd never do that to you Rob. I promise you, I'd never do that."  
"I know you wouldn't."  
"What?"  
"I said, I know you wouldn't do that. Thanks for telling me but if you say nothing happened then I believe you......Are you okay?" Rob's genuine kindness and love was so overwhelming to Aaron.  
"I'm fine. I shook me up a bit."  
"Maybe just stick to the pub in future eh?"  
"Agreed." Robert sighed.  
"I can't believe it's been over a month already."  
"Only five more to go."  
"Hopefully the time goes quick. I can't wait to be back home with you again."  
"I can't wait to have you back either."  
"I have to go Aaron. I'm sorry."  
"Already?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"Okay. I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"Be safe."  
"Always."

Aaron went about his day with a smile on his face, in the way he always did after Robert had called. Every time he heard his boyfriend's voice at the other end of the phone it was another reassurance that he was alright.

He had done a full day's work and decided to go to the pub instead of the barn. He was in the mood for a pint and after Robert's words earlier he decided he could allow himself a day off working on the Ferrari.   
"Hiya love. You alright?" Chas greeted happily as he son took a seat at the bar.  
"Yeah. I'm really good actually."  
"Pint?"  
"Please." Chas was just about to turn to get a glass when the pub doors swung open and a pale faced Victoria stepped inside. She cast her glazed eyes around the pub and then made a beeline for Aaron. She was shaking and she looked as if she might throw up.  
"Vic?" Aaron began with a shaky voice. In his heart he knew what had happened. A tear rolled down her cheek as she stared at him, unable to speak. "No." He breathed, his own tears beginning to fall. "Please God no."


	35. Dead Or Alive

"Please Vic, tell me he's not dead. Tell me he's not dead!" Aaron was frantic. Victoria burst into tears.  
"What's going on? Who are you talking about?" Chas asked worriedly as she sped around the bar to comfort her son. Aaron ignored her, keeping his eyes trained on his friend.  
"Vic?" He urged, his voice breaking in fear.  
"They don't know." She managed to force out past her tears.  
"What do you mean?"  
"They told me, there was an incident and they don't know if he's dead or alive......he's missing."  
"He's missing? How? How can a soldier just go missing? I don't understand." Aaron's fear was turning to anger. "We need to talk to someone Vic. We need to ask them..."  
"They told me everything they know Aaron!" She yelled in frustration. Aaron stepped back, trying to calm himself. Vic took a deep breath. "My brother is MIA. Please don't argue with me now Aaron. I need you." Aaron stared into Vic's eyes.  
"I'm sorry." He spoke softly. Then he pulled her into a hug.   
"What the hell is going on?" Chas asked, half worried, half angry that she had been left out of the loop. Both Victoria and Aaron had managed to entirely forget their surroundings - Robert being the only thing on their minds. Paddy, who had been watching the exchange intently, stood up from the table he was sat at with Rhona and went to Chas. He looked to her and then to Aaron and Vic who were still in a tight embrace.  
"I think maybe we should go into the back room."

"So.....Robert.....is a soldier?" Chas questioned in disbelief. That was about as much as she'd managed to gather from what Vic and her son had said in the pub and she was eager to find out more.  
"Is that so hard to believe?" Aaron asked, still fragile.  
"Robert. A soldier whose sole purpose is to selflessly help others......yes it's quite hard to believe."  
"Chas..." Paddy warned.  
"I don't think you have any right to tell me what to do right now, do you? After all, you clearly know a lot more about this than me and, for whatever reason, chose to keep it quiet."  
"I asked him too." Aaron interjected. "When I told Paddy, it was only me who knew about Rob being in the army anyway. I was already breaking a promise by telling him." Chas shook her head as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing.  
"But I don't understand. Why would he tell you? And why does it matter so much to you that he's MIA? In my opinion, he's done the world a favour by getting himself lost."  
"Shut up." Aaron commanded, his hands curling into fists by his sides.  
"No I won't. Not until you explain this too me. Why does Robert flamin' Sugden mean so much to you?"  
"Because I love him!" Aaron shouted at his mother. Suddenly his anger broke and his tears began to fall again. "Because I love him."


	36. Trust And Hope

"What do you mean, you love him?" Chas asked cautiously as she approached her son. Aaron was staring at the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
"Robert's my boyfriend." Chas didn't know what to say. She looked to Paddy who quickly turned his head away. Aaron looked up at her. "I know you'll probably hate me now because you've always told me not to go near him...but he's not the man you think he is. He's kind and funny and I love him." Chas still said nothing. "I'm sorry." Aaron apologised weakly.  
"Why are you sorry love?" Chas asked gently, finally finding the words to speak. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I could never hate you. I love you so much." Aaron fell into his mum's arms as another wave of tears overcame him.  
"I can't lose him mum. I can't."  
"And you're not going to. Robert's gonna be just fine.....and so will you." Chas rubbed comforting circles on her son's back. "It's all gonna be alright." 

"When was the last time you spoke to him?" Victoria asked her friend as they sat next to each other on the sofa. Paddy and Chas watched them from where they were sat at the kitchen table. Both of them wanted to do something to help Aaron but neither of them had any idea where to start.  
"This morning." Aaron replied sadly. "How can this have happened Vic? I spoke to him, what, fourteen hours ago? He was fine." Aaron shook his head. "We talked about a car we've been working on together. A car. A stupid bloody car. It seems so meaningless now." Aaron breathed deeply. "Why didn't I spend every minute of that phone car telling him what he meant to me....telling him that I loved him?"  
"You didn't know Aaron. You didn't know this was going to happen.......Nobody did." Vic tried to reassure him but she was as upset as him so her efforts had little effect.  
"I just feel so helpless. He's out there....in danger....and I can't do anything to help him. We don't even know what's happened." Aaron paused for a minute before continuing. "The army have probably stopped looking for him already. They think he's dead anyway."  
"Why would you say that?" Victoria snapped harshly.  
"Because it's true. Why would they tell us that he's MIA so soon? You said your self they don't know if he's alive or dead. If they don't know, why tell us before they do, unless they're pretty damn certain that he's dead?"  
"Shut up!" Vic shouted, standing up and turning to Aaron. "How dare you say that?! I didn't come here for you to start planning a funeral. Don't you dare give up hope. We can't. Robert won't have."  
"What?"  
"If you were being held hostage by some truly awful people you know are prone to killing in violent and torturous ways, would you give up hope of getting out of there?" Aaron looked down at the floor in shame. "So don't you dare give up hope because Rob's in a much worse situation than us right now." And with that Vic stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Aaron put his head in his hands.  
"She didn't mean that mate. She's just upset." Paddy spoke kindly as he went towards Aaron.  
"She did mean it." Aaron looked up at Paddy. "And she's right." When the older man made no attempt to correct him again, Aaron stood up and made his way out of the room.  
"What the hell do we do now Paddy?" Chas asked quietly.  
"I don't know." Paddy sighed. "I don't know."

Half an hour later, Paddy went looking for Aaron. He was worried about him and what he might do....although that didn't bear thinking about. Paddy knew exactly where to look first. He found Aaron leaning on the railing on the bridge. "Thought I might find you here." Paddy said gently with a kind smile so as not to startle Aaron. Even in the dim light, he could see that Aaron's face was red where he'd been crying again.  
"What if Vic's right? What if Rob is being held hostage by the Taliban? How would he even get out of there alive?" Paddy moved closer, resting his arms down on the railing next to Aaron's.  
"You just have to trust that the army will get him out of there. They're trained for stuff like this. All we can do is trust and hope."  
"We?"  
"Well I'd rather not see Robert get killed either you know?"  
"Mum would."  
"She didn't mean what she said earlier. She didn't know all the facts at that point. She didn't understand." Aaron sighed. Both men stared down at the river beneath them for a while. The peacefulness was calming. Aaron reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and scrolled through the photos. He handed the phone to Paddy who stared at the photo of Aaron and Robert on the beach, close together, smiling at each other.  
"That was a few days after we admitted how we felt to each other." Aaron smiled lightly. "One of the best days of my life."  
"You look happy - both of you."  
"We were." Paddy handed the phone back. "Maybe one day we'll be that happy again. When he gets home and we can be together.....we'll be that happy again."


	37. Nightmare

Robert was tied up in a dark room alone. The heat was unbearable and the sweat poured down his face and into his eyes, making them sting. The Gaffa tape that was strapped tightly around his hands and ankles was cutting into him making it impossible for him to move even an inch. He was watching the door through the darkness. The next person to walk through that door could be the one to kill him. He was scared.....He was terrified. "Help me Aaron." He whispered. "Please...help me." At that moment, a figure entered the room. He was dressed in all black, from head to toe. Robert stayed strong, keeping his eyes on the person. He didn't want to look. These awful people didn't deserve any reaction to their actions. Rob watched in horror as the man pulled a gun out from behind his back and aimed it straight at him...

Aaron woke up in a cold sweat. He was shaking and within seconds, tears were streaming down his face. Chas burst through his bedroom door.  
"Aaron love." She went straight to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling her son into an embrace. "Shh, shhh, it's okay. It's okay."  
"I'm so scared mum."  
"I know you are." She rocked him slightly. "Did you have a nightmare?" She felt Aaron nod against her. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No." He mumbled through his tears.  
"It might help. When you say it out loud, it's not just in you're head anymore. It makes a dream that seems so real, become just a dream again." He slowly pulled back, looking directly into his mother's eyes.   
"It's the same one I keep having.....Every time it's him...trapped....alone....then someone comes in and..........I can't sleep." Chas wiped a tear from her son's cheek.  
"Robert's a smart guy. He's always plotting or planning something. If anyone can survive in that kind of situation, he can."   
"I just want him back mum. I wish I knew what is going on. Being left to imagine it is so much worse than knowing the truth." Chas put her hand on top of Aaron's. "Is there anything I can do?" He shook his head.  
"No. I don't even know what to do to help myself......Thanks mum."  
"Anytime." Aaron nodded. "Are you gonna be okay?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay." She kissed his cheek before standing up. "Night love."  
"Night." Just before she went through the door, she turned back.  
"And Aaron...I mean it. Anytime you need me, come and find me." She smiled kindly then she left and shut the door carefully behind her. Aaron sighed. He settled himself, resting back against the headboard, then he picked up his phone. He couldn't face going back to sleep again...not now he knew what was waiting for him in his dreams. He went into notes and started making a list of everything he and Rob could do together when they were both safely home. That was all Aaron wanted....both of them home...and safe.


	38. Supplying The Enemy

Two weeks later...  
"Morning love." Chas chirped as Aaron entered the kitchen, looking totally exhausted. He hadn't slept properly in weeks and that, mixed with the constant fear for his boyfriend, was making him barely able to function. "Another bad night eh?" Aaron didn't answer, he just slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs and put his head in his hands. Each day that passed, the chance of Robert being found alive was getting slimmer and slimmer and Aaron knew that all too well. Chas put a plate of eggs, bacon and toast down in front of her son. "Eat up."  
"No." Aaron mumbled.  
"You have to eat something. I haven't seen you eat properly since...." She stopped herself. Aaron looked up at her, his pale face full of frustration. "You don't look well son. I'm just worried that's all." Aaron put his head back in his hands again. "Please eat something. I'll call Cain and tell him you need the day off."  
"No, mum, I need to work. It's the only distraction I have."  
"You're gonna run yourself into the ground if you're not careful. It's not healthy, Aaron."  
"I don't care what's healthy, I'm going to work!" He snapped at his mother, immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry." He apologised softly. "I'm just..."  
"Tired." She finished for him. "I know love." She smiled reassuringly. There was a knock at the door and Chas went to answer it. A few moments later she came back into the room followed by a soldier in his uniform, holding a folder of some kind. His red beret was perfectly positioned on his head and he looked stern. Aaron became more alert straight away. He stood up. "He's here to speak to you." Chas explained.  
"Aaron Dingle?" The soldier questioned.  
"Yes."  
"I'm Lance Corporal Dean from the Royal Military Police. Would you come with me please?" Aaron looked at Chas and then back at the soldier and nodded.

They walked down to Vic's house and went inside, never saying a word to each other. They found Vic and another soldier in the living room. Aaron noticed that his friend looked very nervous and felt his own fear build inside him at the sight.  
"Is he dead?" Aaron forced himself to ask. He couldn't stand a minute longer of not knowing.  
"Take a seat Mr Dingle." The other soldier urged. Aaron could feel himself shaking as he took a seat next to Vic on the sofa. "The situation regarding Corporal Sugden has not changed. We are still unaware of his location or the situation which he might be in." Aaron breathed a sigh of relief. At least he wasn't dead. He glanced at Vic who seemed to have a similar look of relief on her face.   
"So why are you here then?"  
"We understand that you are in a relationship with Sugden. Is that correct?"  
"I'm Robert's boyfriend, yes." The two soldiers looked to each other and then back at Aaron.  
"We have some new information that suggests Sugden was supplying the enemy with information on the whereabouts of deployed British and American troops."  
"What? No. Robert wouldn't. He would never..."  
"I'm afraid our sources beg to differ, Mr Dingle. So...we have some questions to ask you both." The soldier looked from Aaron to Vic. "Miss Sugden, does your brother have a history of lying or seeking to hide the truth?" Aaron's heart sank. They both knew that Rob had lied, cheated and stolen in the past. Everyone knew that.  
"Yes." Vic was forced to answer honestly. The soldier who wasn't questioning them began making notes.  
"To your knowledge, has he had any contact with people in Afghanistan or Iraq since his last deployment?" Vic looked to the floor and shook her head.  
"I don't know."  
"Mr Dingle?"  
"Not that I'm aware of, no."  
"Has he spoken about anyone back in Afghanistan?"  
"No."  
"No."  
"Do either of you have any reason to believe that Sugden had any anger or bad feelings towards the British or American armed forces?" Vic and Aaron stared at the soldier. Neither of them knew what to say. "Any frustration he might have had at the reasons for the wars he's been a part of?" They both shook their heads. "Any family member or close friends been killed in the line of duty that he might feel guilty for or...anything....?"   
"No." Vic answered surely. Aaron stayed silent.  
"Mr Dingle?" Aaron's heart was beating so fast. He wanted to cry and run out of there. The last thing he wanted to do was to get Rob into any trouble but.... "Mr Dingle, if you know something, you must say. It's a criminal offence to withhold evidence." Vic turned to her friend.  
"Aaron?" He took a deep breath...and began...  
"He had a friend...Matt. I don't know his surname.....They trained together and served together on every tour of duty they'd been on.....Matt was killed, not long before they were due to come home....Rob took it hard."  
"Was he angry?"  
"Of course. His best mate had been killed. But he wasn't angry at the army or the government or anything like that...I think he was just angry at himself. He tried to pull Matt out of the way of the IED but didn't manage to save him. Rob still has the scars to show for it....mentally as well as physically." The two soldiers looked at each other again. "Please, you have to believe me, I know Robert, he would never do what you're saying he's done. He's proud to serve and he'd never do anything to jeopardise that."  
"Thank you, Mr Dingle." The soldiers stood up, gathering their folders. "We'll be in touch." Seconds later they were gone. Vic turned to her friend.  
"You're right Aaron. Rob would never do that. We just have to hope that they find him...before it's too late."


	39. Worried About You

Aaron was in a state of shock for the next few days. It terrified him to think that if the army thought Rob had given the enemy information then there would be a lot less pressure on them to find him alive. Aaron didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think. The one thing he did know was that Robert would never have done that. He was determined to find some way of proving that. He tried to think back to their conversations. Was there anything that Rob said that Aaron could use to prove his innocence? On the other hand, was there anything that Rob had said that made it sound as though he was building up to do something in revenge against the army? No. There wasn't. Nothing. Not a single thing had pointed to that.

Chas was growing increasing worried about her son. He still wasn't eating or sleeping properly and now he wouldn't even tell her why the military police had come to speak to him and Victoria. It was like they'd gone back a step. Aaron had been getting better - opening up more and making it possible for Chas to help him. Not now. Now he spent his days researching online and locking himself away in his room where she could hear him pacing back and forth for hours on end. After a few days she decided enough was enough and went to speak to Paddy. He said he didn't know anything about why Aaron had gone into himself so much or why the military police had shown up but he agreed to speak to Aaron and went straight over to the pub to do so.

Paddy found Aaron in his bedroom, staring out of the window, deep in thought. "Everything alright?" Aaron shot his head around. When he saw Paddy he relaxed a little. "Your mum's really worried about you. She said you had some visitors the other day?" Aaron looked at him blankly, then it clicked what Paddy meant.  
"The soldiers."  
"Yeah." Paddy sat down on the edge of Aaron's bed. "So what was all that about?"  
"It was nothing." Aaron turned back to the window.  
"It didn't sound like nothing. Chas says you've not spoken to her since. Whatever it was must've really bothered you." Aaron still showed no signs of answering. "I'm just trying to help. It's only me, Aaron. You can talk to me." The younger man turned around to face him.  
"It's bad Paddy.....Really bad."  
"What's happened?" Aaron stared at him for a moment and then went to sit next to him on the bed.  
"They think that...Rob had something to do with the attack in Afghanistan that he went missing directly after."  
"How do you mean?"  
"They think he supplied the enemy with information."  
"What?" Paddy questioned sounding genuinely shocked and outraged.  
"I know. It's crazy. There's no way Rob would ever do that."  
"So what does that mean? Have they stopped looking for him?"  
"No.....not yet anyway." Aaron sighed. "Even if they do find him, if they still think he's guilty, he'll be in a lot of trouble."  
"I just don't understand why they'd think that he did that."  
"Me neither."  
"They must have some reason. They would accuse him without a reasonable cause to."  
"Exactly. And I intend to find out that cause."  
"How?"  
"I'm working on it."  
"Be careful, Aaron. This is serious stuff. You could end up in a mess yourself."  
"I know but what choice do I have Paddy? I can't sit here and do nothing." Paddy nodded. Aaron looked at the floor.  
"By the way, I saw this earlier. I think it must be the attack Rob was involved in." Paddy handed his phone to Aaron on the news page - 'Major Incident In Kabul Kills Two British Soldiers'. Aaron's heart jumped as he scrolled through the article. "It says a couple of injured soldiers have been sent home already." Aaron looked up at him.   
"I've got an idea." He picked up his own phone and started searching.  
"What are you gonna do?"  
"I'm gonna find out the truth from someone the bloody military police can't ignore."


	40. Aazar

Aaron walked into the hospital with only one aim in mind - to find out the truth. He headed straight for the main desk where he came face to face with a kind faced, curly haired nurse who was frantically typing away on the keyboard. She looked up at Aaron and smiled. "How can I help you?"  
"I would like to see a patient."  
"Okay. Any particular patient in mind?" She joked lightly, her bright grin getting wider.  
"Yeah. Sorry. Liam Johnson." She stared at him for a moment, her face dropping a little.  
"Of course. Follow me please." 

The nurse led Aaron down a series of corridors until she stopped in front of a couple of police men who were obviously guarding a private room, the door to which was directly behind them. "This man is here to visit Mr Johnson." The two officers looked Aaron up and down.  
"Who are you?" One asked Aaron.  
"Ben Hammond." Aaron lied. He was bound to be on their radar as someone to be kept away. "I'm a friend of Liam's." The two police men looked at each other and then back at Aaron.  
"Okay then. Go on in. Not too long mind." Aaron smiled and nodded, stepping between the men to enter the private room.

"Who are you?" The man sitting up in the hospital bed questioned as Aaron walked in, keeping a fair distance. Aaron faltered. "Actually, at this point I couldn't care less. As long as you're not here to kill me."  
"Of course not." Aaron replied quickly.  
"Good. Then I'll be pleased of the company, whoever you are. It must've taken quite some doing to get through my bodyguards out there." Liam was surprisingly cheerful for a man suffering from as severe injuries as his. Aaron immediately liked him for his sense of humour. He imagined that Rob must've done as well. He came a step closer to the bed.  
"How are you?" He thought it would be polite to ask that, even though it did sound completely ridiculous when he said it aloud. Liam huffed a slight laugh.  
"I'll be honest, I've been better."  
"Sorry. Stupid question."  
"It's alright. You're not the only one to have asked it." He smiled at Aaron. "What's your name?"  
"Aaron." Liam's face changed.  
"Not....no you can't be. I'm just being stupid. Ignore me."  
"What were you gonna say?" Aaron urged. "You were going to ask if I'm Robert's boyfriend weren't you?"

Liam pushed himself slightly more up the bed, keeping his eyes on Aaron.  
"You're the famous Aaron then. The one Rob speaks about nonstop."  
"I suppose so."   
"It's nice to meet you Aaron." Aaron nodded. Liam looked down. "I'm so sorry. I've heard what they're saying about him. It's awful." Aaron moved closer.  
"You don't believe he did it either?" He asked hopefully.  
"Absolutely not. I've served with Sugden a good few times and I know for a fact he would never ever do that. Giving information to the Taliban.....no way. Not him." Aaron sunk down into the chair at the side of the bed. He was half relieved and half shocked to finally hear someone with a worthy opinion agreeing with him. "Robert is a good man. It wasn't his fault what happened." Aaron looked up at Liam.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you upset. I know it can't be easy thinking back to it." Liam shook his head.  
"No, it's not.......It was the worst day of my life....And it wasn't just what happened to me either...I saw two of my friends get killed in that attack." He sighed, then flicked his head to Aaron. "I'll tell you this though, Robert did everything he could to get us out of there. He was a great leader and he saved a lot of lives that day, mine being one of them....and I won't hear anyone say that he did anything different because I know what happened. I was there. I saw it with my own eyes....saw Rob pulling men to safety...hiding us....risking his own life....." Aaron could feel the tears welling in his eyes at the thought of his boyfriend in such danger.  
"So why do the army say he supplied the enemy with information then?" Liam shifted a bit in the bed.  
"There was a guy, Aazar, an Afghan soldier, who Rob had become good friends with on our last tour. He was still at the base when we went back to Kabul and....they were only friends, that's all. They chatted......Now they've found out that Aazar was involved with the attack and so they think that Robert must've been involved too. Someone must've said that they'd been spending time together. I made it clear when the military police spoke to me that Rob was not a part of it and that he and Aazar were only mates but...until they find him, they'll believe what they like.....The army protect their own, that's what they say...until it doesn't suit them too anymore." Liam shook his head. "I'm sorry Aaron but I don't think there's anything more I can do..."  
"You've done enough." Aaron interjected in assurance. "You've done more than enough Liam. Thank you." The injured soldier nodded. "I should go. Leave you in peace. But really, thank you." Aaron stood up.  
"If you need anything...you're more than welcome to come back. It's the least I can do."  
"Thanks." Aaron headed for the door.  
"Aaron." He turned back to Liam. "Robert really loves you." Aaron smiled lightly.  
"I know he does."


	41. Like A Father

Aaron was leaning against a car drinking a brew when he saw Paddy approaching. He smiled in greeting as the older man got closer. "Hiya. How you doing?"  
"Well considering my boyfriend is still missing in the middle of a war zone and I have no way of finding out what the hell is going on, I'm not great."  
"Yeah. Sorry."  
"No, I am. I didn't mean to snap it's just mum asks me that question fifty times a day and it's beginning to wear a little thin." Aaron put his mug down on the car bonnet.  
"How did it go?"  
"What?"  
"Well, whatever it was you were planning to do the other day when you dashed off with some big idea on how to get 'the truth'."  
"Oh that." Aaron looked down at the gravel.  
"Did you seriously think I was never going to ask where you went?" Aaron stayed silent. "I'm just worried about you.....Please tell me you didn't do something stupid."  
"Depends what you count as stupid."  
"Aaron." Paddy warned. "I'm serious." He lowered his voice. "Just tell me what you did."  
"I went to see one of the soldiers injured in the attack." Aaron explained, cautious of the man's reaction.  
"What?!"  
"I know it sounds crazy but...I was careful and I definitely got some answers."  
"What were you thinking? You could get in serious trouble if the police find out not to mention the extra complications you could've caused for Rob..."  
"I sorry Paddy but I can't just do nothing!" Aaron interrupted in frustration. He calmed himself. "I love Robert and he needs me. I needed to know why he's being accused of helping the enemy and now I do..."  
"And how is that going to help you Aaron?!" Paddy was furious with fear. "What the hell has this achieved? Eh? Eh?!"  
"Everything alright?" Cain called out as he emerged from the garage. Aaron turned to him.  
"Everything's fine." Cain looked between the men.  
"Right, well, I'm going for some lunch so you're in charge. Try not to blow anything up." Cain chucked some keys at his nephew as he walked past him and away from the garage, heading for the pub. Aaron stared back at Paddy.  
"I'm busy. I'll talk to you later." He said coldly. Then he turned and walked away into the garage. When he was out of sight he shook his head at himself. He was furious. Paddy was right. How could he have been so stupid as to have put Rob in even more trouble? Paddy was like a father to him - his opinion mattered - and it was clear to Aaron that he was deeply disappointed in him....and that hurt. Aaron threw his fist into the wall, yelling in anger and pain, before sinking to the floor in tears. "Please come back Robert." He sobbed. "I need you. I love you...."


	42. The Facts

Aaron headed straight for the room. He was a lot more confident this time as he approached the police guards. "Ah, Mr Hammond." One of them recalled as Aaron stopped in front of them. The police officer gave him a glance up and down before smiling and stepping aside to allow Aaron into the private room.  
"Aaron. Good to see you back so soon." Liam greeted, pushing himself up the bed a little.  
"Are you sure it's alright me being here? I'll go if you'd rather."  
"No, of course not. Like I said last time it's nice to have some company." He assured.  
"Surely your family comes to visit you?"  
"They do but...well, it's obvious that when they look at me all they see is the injuries and that doesn't exactly make for a light atmosphere." Liam joked. "You're a relief from all the doom and gloom my parents bring when they come to see me."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Why should you be sorry? It not your fault." Liam shifted slightly in discomfort. "So, anyway, what can I do for you?" Aaron came further into the room and pulled a chair closer to the bed. He sat down on it and stared at the other man.  
"I need to know what happened. I know it's a lot to ask and please say no if you can't talk about it but...it would really help me to understand how Rob went missing. I want to know all the facts." Liam thought for a moment before speaking.  
"If you really want to know...then I'll tell you but......it wasn't pretty Aaron. Are you sure this is what you want?"  
"All I want is to have my boyfriend back. I want to know that he's safe. I want to know that he's...alive.....but at the moment I don't know that...I can't know that, so this is the best I can hope for. I just want to know what he went through." Aaron looked down.  
"I'll tell you everything I know.......Where do you want me to start?" Aaron took a deep breath.  
"The beginning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really short chapter. I promise tomorrow's will be longer :)


	43. What Happened

"We were sent out on a job. There was a compound a few miles out of Kabul where there were a couple of vehicles that needed repairs urgently. It was a five hour job tops." Aaron was listening closely. He almost didn't want to hear the rest but at the same time he needed to know. "We'd fixed the first Rover and were just starting on the second. I went across to our truck to grab some more tools and...when I was turning to come back I saw someone...They were, I don't know, maybe a couple of hundred feet away....close enough I could see his face anyway...and the type of gun he was holding...AK-47...." Liam swallowed before taking a shaky breath. "I yelled to Rob...that's when I heard the first shot behind me....I fell to the floor, then I saw Rob running towards me..." He exhaled sharply. "...and I realised it was me who'd been shot......"  
"You can stop if y..." Aaron offered but he couldn't finish his sentence before Liam cut in.  
"No...You deserve to know what happened." He calmed himself and started again. "Rob was so...together...He came to help me. We put pressure on the wound, you know, the stuff you're supposed to do....He talked to me.....We knew we didn't have long before the Taliban were in the compound so Rob helped me into the back of the truck and pulled a tarp over to hide me......I heard some more shots being fired...I assumed they were shooting at Rob because I thought that the others must have found a place to hide by now or at least something they could get behind to protect themselves a bit...but then a few minutes later, Robert came back into the truck with Ty. Rob was still okay but Ty was in a pretty bad way....He'd been shot...quite a few times by the look of it. There was a lot of blood. I talked to him but that was all I could do because I couldn't move......"  
"What happened to Rob after that?"  
"He went back out again. I begged him to stay with us but he wouldn't leave the others out there."  
"How many others were there?"  
"Five." Liam was lost in thought for a moment. He looked at Aaron. "I heard a huge explosion......I now know that it was that explosion that killed Drew." Liam fought to stay composed. "I knew that Ty was dying beside me....I was bleeding out and the Taliban were right outside the truck....I though I was dead....I knew I wasn't gonna make it out of there.....I heard some shouting in Pashto. There was some more gunfire and some yelling....someone yelling in pain..." A tear fell from Liam's eye and he quickly brushed it away. "Then I heard Rob's voice. At that moment I was thanking God he was still alive....at least I knew I wasn't alone. He was shouting, replying in broken Pashto...none of us can speak very much but Rob had probably learnt the most from being friendly with Aazar." Aaron felt anger just at the mention of that name. "I heard some more gunfire and I didn't hear Rob's voice again....A few minutes later I heard an engine start and they must have driven away because it went deadly silent.....It was an hour or so before they found me....Ty had died...Drew as well along with one of the Afghan soldiers who were working with us......They found Cal hiding at the other end of the compound...He said Robert had managed to put him there just before the Taliban got in.......There was no sign of Rob or the other two Afghan soldiers."  
"The Taliban took them?" Aaron asked in confirmation of his fears. Liam nodded.  
"And I honestly don't know if Rob was still alive when they drove off with him....There was gunfire after the last time I heard his voice so..."  
"They could have shot him and taken his body?"  
"Yeah."  
"But why would they do that?"  
"They do sometimes. They try to make it look like the person is still alive so they can bargain for their life - 'give us this section of land back and we'll release your soldier', that kind of thing."  
"Jesus." Aaron cursed in horror.  
"I know."   
"Liam.....tell me honestly...do you think there is any chance my boyfriend is still alive?" Liam breathed deeply.  
"There is always a chance....We don't know why the Taliban have taken him so there really is no way of knowing.....I will say this though, if anyone can get out of there alive, Robert can." Suddenly the door swung open and one of the police officers came into the room.  
"I'm sorry, Mr Hammond, but that's going to have to be it for today. We're under strict instructions not to let visitors stay beyond a certain length of time."  
"Just give us a minute." Liam insisted. The officer nodded politely and left the room. "Aaron you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone what I've just told you. I could end up in serious trouble if the military police find out that I've told you all that."  
"Of course I won't tell anyone. It won't exactly do me any favours either will it?"  
"No....Right, well, I hope it helped you."  
"It did." Aaron assured. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I am so sorry for what you've been through."  
"I chose to go into the army. I knew what I was signing up for." Aaron nodded.  
"I'll see you then."  
"Yeah." Aaron smiled lightly at Liam and then left. As he walked down the corridor he had so many thoughts running through his head. It made him want to cry, the thought of Robert going through all that. How scared he must've been. Aaron also had a huge sense of pride at the actions of his boyfriend. Rob had saved lives that day....Aaron just hoped he'd left enough resources to save his own.


	44. His Lowest

One month later...  
"Aaron love." Chas knocked on her son's door again. "I've brought you up a brew." Aaron barely moved from his room at all these days. He never made it to work anymore and Cain was close to firing him. Chas was going out her mind with worry and she had absolutely no idea how to help her son. It was like he was grieving...only he hadn't given up hope, which almost made it worse because the not knowing was like torture. She knocked again. "Aaron?" She waited a moment longer....there was still no reply. So she carefully opened the door and peered inside. Aaron was sat on the edge of his bed staring out of the window. He was surrounded by plates of half eaten sandwiches and mugs still half full with tea. Both curtains were closed except for a crack in between them, through which Aaron stared. The room was dark and it was obvious that the occupant hadn't left it for days. Aaron was wearing pyjamas and a scraggy beard had began to emerge from lack of attention. He looked tired...ill even. "How are you feeling today?" Chas took a step closer, being careful to avoid the piles of plates and discarded clothes. "You don't look well son. Please, will you let me help you?" Aaron turned to her. His eyes were sunken and his face was pale.   
"You can't help me. Nobody can."  
"You can't know that unless you try."  
"If you can bring Robert home then keep talking...otherwise get out." Chas' heart sunk. Aaron was at his lowest. She'd never seen him like this before. It scared her.  
"Please Aaron..."  
"Get out mum." She didn't move. "I mean it."  
"Aar..."  
"Get out!" He yelled, standing up and glaring at her. She looked at him for a second longer. Then she put the mug of tea down on cabinet and left the room, clicking the door shut behind her. She walked down a couple of stairs and sat down, hugging her knees. Tears ran down her face. She had sworn after Jackson that she would never let her son ever feel so bad again.....and yet here she was, just years later, going through it all over again. She had to do something to help him. There had to be a way of getting through to him.


	45. What Mums Are For

Chas woke suddenly, her mind telling her something was wrong. She stumbled out of her bedroom and heard someone throwing up in the toilet. She hurried to the bathroom where she found Aaron on his hands and knees sobbing. Chas fell to the floor beside her son, pulling him into her. "Shhh...it's okay....you're okay."  
"I've lost him mum....I..." Aaron cried into his mother, shivering with fear.  
"What are we gonna do with you, eh?" She rocked him back and forth gently. "I'm so sorry you're going through this, son. I wish there was something I could do." Aaron pulled back from her slowly. Chas wiped his tears away. "You've got to start taking better care of yourself love. I know it's hard but if you carry on like this....well it doesn't bare thinking about."  
"I know. I'm sorry." He acknowledged weakly.  
"Don't be sorry. Just let me help you."  
"Okay."

Chas was pouring herself a brew when Aaron came into the kitchen. He was dressed and he'd shaved too. She smiled at him.  
"You look much better. I'm glad to see you out of your room."  
"Thanks. I think I'll go to work today." Aaron pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. I think it'll do me good. You were right last night, something has to change." Chas put a mug of tea down in front of him.  
"Get that down you then. I'll put some toast on."  
"Thanks."  
"It's what mums are for, right?"

Aaron was just on his way back to the garage after his lunch break when he heard shouting. He saw Vic and Andy having an argument a bit further down the road and headed straight for them.  
"Everything alright?" He called to Vic when he got close enough.  
"Get lost Dingle!" Andy yelled back, clearly in a bad mood.  
"Don't talk to him like that." Vic protested as Aaron reached them.  
"What's going on?" He questioned again.  
"Did you not hear me? I said get lost. It's none of your business."  
"He's shouting his mouth off about Robert." Vic explained, giving Aaron a knowing look. He realised straight away that Andy still didn't know about where Rob really was and Aaron thought this probably wasn't the best time to question the decision to keep him in the dark. "You're being totally ridiculous Andy. I wish you'd just shut up and go away. I don't want to listen to anymore of your whining." Vic directed at her brother with anger.  
"Ridiculous? I don't think so. Our brother is a waste of space. He thinks he can just come and go as he pleases and never deal with the consequences of his actions and you let him get away with it. Offering him a place to stay. Being all friendly like nothing's ever happened. I'm sick of it." Aaron watched their exchange, rage building inside of him.  
"Robert is a braver man than you ever will be! I'd tell you the truth about him but you don't deserve it!" Vic screamed at her brother, tears starting to fall. She turned and started to walk away.  
"Vic, I'm sorry. I don't mean to upset you. Vic!" Andy tried to go after his sister but Aaron stopped him, placing a hand firmly on his arm.  
"Just leave it Andy. Go back to shovelling cow muck or whatever it is you do." Aaron seethed before following Vic into her house and slamming the door shut.

He found Vic in the kitchen, struggling to calm her tears a she filled the kettle. "Are you alright?" Aaron spoke softly. Vic turned to him.  
"I hate Andy sometimes. He really does know how to be horrible."  
"Why haven't you told him about Rob? It won't be long now before everyone knows so...?"  
"I just have a feeling that him knowing would make things worse. He'd make out like it is better that Rob's missing or he'd make constant digs about Rob thinking he's a better person by joining the army." Aaron nodded.  
"If you think it's best." Aaron went to Vic and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. I've not been in a good place but, I'm making a new start."  
"Thanks Aaron. For stepping in with Andy just then."  
"It's what friends are for, right?"


	46. Red

He was fighting to stay awake, the heat and dehydration overcoming him. Some of the men were over in the other corner of the room, muttering in Pashto. One of them said something about a decision needing to be made and the other replied that they needed to be patient, but that was all he heard before he passed out again.

He was startled awake by someone throwing his head back against the wall. It hurt. The pain throbbed up through his head and made his eyes sting. When he came to a bit more, he realised that it was the floor not the wall his head had hit against. He'd been untied and tossed onto the ground like an animal. One of the men stood above him, only his eyes showing through the turban he wore around his face and head. He sniggered down on him and picked a phone out of his pocket. All of a sudden the other men appeared above him and began kicking and punching. As he writhed on the floor in agony, he caught sight of a red light flashing on the phone the man was holding.....he was recording it...."YOU BASTARDS!!!!" 

The next thing he knew, he was leant up against the wall again, his hands and feet bound tightly. He could feel the blood trickling down his head....see the red in his eyes......He closed them shut tightly. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. At times like this it was all he could do to shut the outside terrors out. All he had to do was think of his boyfriend and his heart began to slow. He would think of their day at the beech....them fixing the car....the things they would do together when he got home.....

It went dark and he was alone. His head still throbbed in pain and he was sure at least a couple of ribs were cracked or broken too. There was no chance of sleep. It was almost worse when he was alone.....nothing to distract him from his own thoughts....nothing to stop him thinking about the horrible scenes he'd witnessed over the past weeks and months.....Suddenly the door creaked open and his heart stopped...."Are you awake?" He heard a familiar voice with a thick Afghan accent whisper into the darkness.  
"Lodhi?" He checked.  
"Yes, me."  
"You scared me."  
"Sorry." The teenager apologised as he approached. "Water." He offered, sitting down and opening the bottle. Lodhi put the bottle to his lips and he gulped at it in relief. When he finished he spoke.  
"Thank you." Lodhi just nodded. "How bad is my head?" He asked cautiously. The young Afghan, who couldn't have been more than eighteen, looked at it carefully before pulling back to give an honest answer.  
"It get dirty. Need doctor."   
"Not much chance of that if there mate."  
"Mate?"  
"Mate....uh, friend. A mate is a friend."  
"I am friend?" The youngster looked pleased at the thought of that.  
"Of course. If it wasn't for you I'd be dead by now." They stared at each other.  
"I help get you out Robert. You go back to UK, yes?" Rob smiled.  
"I hope so."  
"Don't worry. I help you. I must go now." The boy stood up to leave.  
"Lodhi, be careful." He smiled.  
"Of course."


	47. Business

"Seems like your precious British army isn't too keen to have you back." One of the men spoke in his thick Afghan accent, sniggering down at Robert. "They are not playing by our rules?"  
"And why should they?" Rob glared back at him in rage.  
"Because if they don't...you'll get killed." He kicked Rob in the stomach making him cry out in pain. "I don't play games, I do business and if your friends don't give me what I want, what is rightfully our's, then I won't be hesitating to pull the trigger." The man crouched down to the floor next to Robert and threw his head back against the wall, holding it there. Robert had no strength left to fight back at all. "So you're going to help me."  
"Like hell I am."  
"Oh I think you will." The way the man looked at Rob terrified him. It was a look of madness, the kind of look he'd seen suicide bombers have just before they detonated.....a look that said they would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. "You have a sister, Victoria, yes?" Rob's heart pounded. He said nothing but his rapid breathing gave his captor all he needed to know that the answer was yes. "Wouldn't it be a shame for something to happen to her?" Robert seethed.  
"How do you know about her?" The man smirked.  
"I have my contacts....I can make things happen." He stared into Rob's eyes. "Now...are you going to help me...or not?"


	48. The Video

Aaron froze when he saw the two military police men coming up the road towards him. His heart pounded and suddenly he was rushing towards them. "Is there news? Have you found Rob?" The soldiers kept blank yet stern expressions.  
"Would you come with us please Mr Dingle?" Aaron felt sick. His worst fears were surfacing again. He nodded and followed after the men as they led him to Vic's house and knocked. Victoria answered almost immediately. Her face turned to terror the instant she saw the soldiers.  
"Aaron? What is it? What's happened?" She asked frantically.  
"May we come in please Miss Sugden?" She nodded and stepped aside to allow them though the door. They convened in the living room where one of the soldiers directed Vic and Aaron to take a seat before pulling a chair up and sitting in front of them. "We have had contact with the terrorist group who are holding Sugden hostage."  
"What?" Aaron questioned in shock. "Have you spoken to them? Have you spoken to Rob?"  
"No. I can tell you though that we now know that Sugden is alive. We also have very strong reason to believe he was not responsible for the exchange of information between the British army and the Taliban."  
"We already knew it wasn't him." Vic stated immediately. "We tried to tell you that."  
"Yes and we apologise for any distress we may have caused in disagreeing with you."  
"How do you know he's alive?" Aaron cut in.  
"We have received videographic evidence."  
"You mean, you've seen him?" Vic asked in disbelief.  
"A video of Robert was posted online by the terrorist group.......That is why we are here. It is our duty to warn you of the nature of the video before you saw it anywhere else."  
"Anywhere else?" Aaron questioned.  
"As I said the video was posted online."  
"And what is the nature of the video?" Vic asked, not wanting to but needing to know. The soldier looked to his colleague and then back at Aaron and Victoria.  
"The video shows extreme violence being used towards Sugden. It is.....well it's very distressing...." The way that this soldier, a man who had shown only a stern face any time Aaron had seen him, looked as though he had been deeply affected by the video made Aaron's heart sink.....It had to be bad.....really bad.  
"I need to see it." He said surely.  
"Mr Dingle, I really wouldn't advise th..."  
"I need to see it." He repeated. The two soldiers and Vic all stared at him. The truth was, Aaron didn't want to watch it - to see his boyfriend in such pain - but he had to...he had to see for himself that Robert was alive. "Please."  
"If you are sure?"  
"I need to know what he's going through. I need to understand." The soldier nodded. He turned to the the other soldier.  
"Dean, take Miss Sugden out of earshot please." He ordered. The younger man obeyed, leading Vic out of the room and shutting the door behind them. "Mr Dingle, I need to make it implicitly clear that this video....it's not something anyone should have to watch."  
"It's not something that anyone should have to go through either is it?....But my boyfriend...the man I love....he is going through it....so the least I can do is be with him...." The soldier nodded. He reached into a folder and produced an iPad. He clicked a few buttons and handed it to Aaron.   
"Press play when you're ready....."


	49. Agony

Robert sat against the stone wall, his hands and feet still tied tightly. He hurt. He hurt all over.....inside...and out. A tear rolled down his cheek. It was the first tear he'd allowed himself to cry since he'd been taken hostage. He wanted to be strong - needed to be. But now he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep going at all, never mind whilst trying to fight back his emotions as well. He felt the worst he'd ever felt. The way they'd beaten him and beaten him until he had no fight left to give. The way they'd made him beg for his life, over and over. The way they'd filmed all of it. It made him feel sick.

The thought of Aaron seeing the video was the worst of it. The thought that these bastards were hurting Aaron as much as they were hurting him stung like nothing else. Robert knew that Aaron would watch it and feel guilty....that he would watch it and feel like it was his fault that he couldn't do more.....he hated the thought of that....

The back of his head throbbed and he wondered if he was bleeding again. His foot was in agony too from where one of the men had stamped on it so hard he'd felt the bone snap. It hurt like hell but Rob had tried desperately not to yell out....he didn't want his boyfriend or his sister hearing that......The way his ankles were strapped together so tightly with Gaffa tape didn't help either......He wondered if he should be more worried about the lasting affects of his injuries - would he have scars, would he have breathing problems....would he never walk again - but at the moment all that really mattered to him was getting out of this place alive....

This was the longest he'd been left alone by his captures. Usually they would take it in turns to sit by the door and stare at him, making it impossible to sleep or move even slightly, but today he'd been left alone for hours.....or at least it felt like hours....

Rob drifted in and out of sleep. Sometimes when he woke up he wasn't sure if he'd been asleep of if he'd passed out again from the pain or the blood loss. The only time he could be sure was when he was dreaming.....Robert dreamt of his boyfriend standing by the Ferrari....he laughed....he smiled....he was beautiful.....he winked, got in the car and turned it on....he must've finished fixing it because the car roared into life and Aaron's smile widened.

The pain in his foot shot up through his leg forcing him awake. He groaned in pain and tried to shift positions slightly but he couldn't move enough to make much of a difference. The pain was so much he thought he might throw up........He wanted to die....He couldn't stay alive like this anymore....He had to make the pain end.


	50. Set Me Free

Days past with Robert still in a half conscious state. His foot started to go numb which he knew was a bad sign but at least it gave him the slightest bit of relief from the pain. Sometimes he would hallucinate....he would see Aaron walking towards him.....or Vic sitting next to him.....

Lodhi burst in through the door and rushed towards Rob. "You must wake up now. Robert." He shook the man's shoulders. "Robert?"  
"What is it?" Rob mumbled, now so weak he could barely talk.  
"They have gone away. I stay here to guard you but there is nobody else. I take you now. We go away from here." Robert was suddenly more awake.  
"Are you sure they're all gone?"  
"Yes. They go to make deal with some other men." Lodhi stared at Rob who was in a state of shock. "I do not know how long they take. We must go now." The youngster started to undo Robert's hands and feet.   
"But they will know it was you who set me free. I can't let you do this Lodhi." Robert knew that it would mean certain death for Lodhi at the hands of the Taliban if he helped him escape and there was no way he was going to let that happen.  
"I cannot let them win." The boy spoke plainly with much more clarity than his minimal English usually allowed. "I must help you." When he'd finished speaking he quickly set about removing the Gaffa tape from Rob's wrists again.  
"Thank you." Was all Rob could think to say. It didn't seem enough.....not that anything would.

When his hands and feet were released, Robert felt such a huge sense of relief. He moved gently at first. He was so weak and everything had seized up from lack of movement. He tried to stand and immediately fell to the floor.   
"Robert." Lodhi, sunk to the ground beside him. "You okay?" Robert reached down and rubbed at his ankle.  
"It's my leg. I think it's broken." He was in agony again. "I can't stand, let alone walk.....How the hell am I going to get out of here?"


	51. I'll Find A Way

They sat together, all hope of escape lost. They were both so quiet they could hear each other's breath. "Who is Aaron?" Lodhi asked, breaking the silence. Robert looked at him confused and very alarmed that the teenager knew his boyfriend's name. "I heard you say it when you were sleeping."  
"You haven't mentioned that name to anyone else have you?"  
"No." Rob relaxed a little. "Is he a family?"  
"Is he part of my family?" Robert repeated to clarify.  
"Yes."  
"Um...I suppose he is sort of, yes."  
"How 'sort of'?" Rob thought for a moment. He knew that homosexuality was a sin in Afghan religion and culture....but Lodi was different. Rob trusted him.  
"Aaron is the man I love." Lodhi looked confused.  
"He is your husband?"  
"Maybe one day he will be, yes." The youngster smiled. "What?"  
"I never met someone like you before. You are a man who love men?"  
"Yes." Rob nervously awaited Lodhi's reaction.  
"In my religion it is a sin for that. We are told it is wrong. I did not know that those people are good people.....You are good person Robert." They smiled at each other.  
"Thank you Lodhi." The boy nodded. They went silent again for a few moments.  
"You miss Aaron?"  
"Very much, yes." Rob replied sadly. "I told him that nothing bad would happen to me. He was very worried about me being a soldier. I promised him that I would be okay and that I'd be home before he knew it......I broke that promise......" Robert looked down.  
".......My father told my mother same thing.....He told me same thing too.......He never came home......." Lodi recounted sadly. Robert looked up at him.  
"I'm so sorry."  
"He was good man like you. He never want to fight but they make him. He try to come home to us and he get killed." Robert's heart broke for the lad. It was such a cruel life he was living and through absolutely no fault of his own. Suddenly something changed in Robert. He started to move.  
"Help me up."  
"Robert. What you do?" Rob stopped to look Lodhi in the eyes.  
"You're father fought to get home to the people he loved.....We must do the same." Lodhi smiled and nodded, immediately going to help Rob up.

Standing on his broken ankle was the worst pain Robert had ever felt. He was so weak but all he had to do was think of Aaron and getting home to him and all of a sudden he had power again...enough to slowly but surely make his way to the door and out into the fresh air. It was unbearably hot and Robert's eyes struggled with the brightness after having been confined to a dim room for months. Lodhi had his arm around Rob to help him. He guided them around the side of the building. Their walking was slow and laboured and ever so often Rob would groan in pain but he insisted they didn't stop. They just kept doing until they reached a pickup truck parked under a lone tree a little way from the building. Lodhi pulled Robert up into the passenger seat with great effort. When they were both in the car they looked at each other and smiled. Lodhi turned the key in the ignition and the car juddered and jolted but made no sign of moving. He tried again.....still nothing. Rob had to think quick. "Lodhi, get out and open the bonnet." The lad looked confused. "I need you to look at the engine. I'm a mechanic. I'll tell you how to fix it. Quickly. Go." He knew they didn't have long before the other men returned. Lodhi jumped out of the truck and went to open the bonnet. "Is there anything that looks broken?!"  
"I think no!"  
"Okay, good. Is there anything that is loose?!" Rob listened for a reply. "Pull on the wires gently!" He waited again.  
"A wire is not!"  
"Is it not attached?!" Rob tried to understand what was going on without being able to look at the engine.  
"No!"  
"What does the wire look like?"  
"Blue! The ends are black!" Rob smirked slightly at the irony.  
"What is it with me and HT leads?" He muttered to himself remembering the time when he'd first met Aaron after his own HT leads on his piece of junk car had broken. "There should be a hole that it plugs back into!.....Can you see it?!"  
"Done it!" Lodhi shut the bonnet again and raced back around to the drivers' door, jumping in and slamming the door shut. He turned the key in the ignition.....and the car spluttered into life. Both men breathed a sigh of relief. Lodhi threw the truck into gear and they sped away, dust spewing up in their wake.

The sand stretched for miles and miles around them and Robert had to just trust that Lodhi knew where he was going. He tried to stay awake and alert but it was becoming increasingly difficult and the desperate need for sleep started to overcome him. "Robert! You must stay awake now. Not long to Kabul." Rob rubbed at his face, pushing himself up in the seat and beginning to scour the horizon.   
"Thank you for helping me. When we get to Kabul, when we are safe, I'll help you too."  
"It is too late for that. The other men will kill me now. If must go away from here."  
"I can help you do that."  
"How?"  
"I don't know but I'll find a way." Lodhi turned to him and smiled.  
"Okay."

Suddenly Rob started to see buildings way off in the distance. Concrete towers. Camouflage netting. The British flag. He knew exactly where they were. "The army base."  
"Yes. They help you here."  
"I thought I'd never see this place again."  
"You are happy no?"  
"Yes. Yes, I'm very happy. Thank you."  
"I help you. You help me. That is the way it should always be."   
"Yes." Robert agreed.

A loud shot was fired behind them and Rob swung his head around and saw another truck not far behind them. Lodhi cursed in Pashto and hit the steering wheel.  
"It is them. They have come for us." Now it was Robert's turn to swear. He looked back again.  
"They are far enough away. We can outrun them. Put your foot down." 

The two trucks flew towards the army base, shots still being fired. Robert knew they had to do something to alert the soldiers in the base so that they'd know to open the gates for them. He knew there was a very real risk of both him and Lodhi being shot by his own colleagues if they didn't identify themselves soon. He had to think quick. He pulled his khaki green shirt off and waved it outside the window in the hope that one of the soldiers would recognise it as a British soldiers uniform and therefore not shoot at them. He knew it was a long shot but it was the only chance they had. Within seconds Rob began to hear shots being fired from one of the towers in the base. He turned around to see one of the men in the truck following them be shot and fall from the vehicle. One after another the men in the other truck were shot down until there was only the driver left. The two vehicles were now so close Rob could see the man's face......Then he saw him reached down to the footwell and pull out a gun. He held it out of the window and.....

The car was spinning and Rob was hanging on for dear life. His head hit something and it knocked him out.

When he came to, the pickup had come to a stop against the concrete boundary wall of the army base. Robert could see the other truck over turned, it's driver lying dead on the ground a few feet away from it. He turned to Lodhi who was staring back at him, blood pouring from his chest. "No." Rob jumped out of the truck and rushed around to the other side, hauling the youngster out and laying him on the ground. "Lodhi?" The lad's eyes were rolling back in his head. "Lodhi, stay with me mate." Rob tried to apply pressure to the wound but it wasn't doing much to stop the blood.  
"Robert." The teenager breathed out in a whisper. British soldiers were already running towards them.  
"Hey, come on. You've gotta stay with me. We're a team you and me. I help you. You help me. Remember?" A tear fell from Rob's eye.  
"I'm sorry."  
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You saved me. I will always be grateful. You're a good person Lodhi. You are good."  
"Go back to....Aaron.....You be happy now........" The lad's eyes faded as he exhaled for the last time..........Robert didn't move. The tears rolled down his face and he reached forward and gently closed Lodhi's eyes. He stayed there, on his knees, for a few moments longer then he slowly turned to the soldiers behind him. "Treat this one well." He spoke with heart. "Do what you like with the other bastards but treat this one well."

Vic burst into the back room where Aaron was sat on the sofa staring off into space.  
"They've found him Aaron." He stared at her, not believed get what he was hearing. "He's coming home Aaron. He's coming home."


	52. Into Aaron's Arms

The next day, the military police arrived in Emmerdale. Aaron and Vic were stood waiting for them. Neither of them had got any sleep due to excitement and anticipation. They got in the car and with the two soldiers and started the long drive to the army base where Robert was being flown to. 

Aaron couldn't believe this was finally happening. Months of not knowing where his boyfriend was, months of not speaking to him, not even knowing if he was alive or dead, and now the day had finally come when he'd see Robert again. He struggled to contain his excitement. The thought of seeing him........But at the same time, Aaron couldn't help but feel fear. He knew that Robert had been through some terrible stuff but there was no way of knowing how that had affected him. Aaron didn't know if the Robert he was going to meet now, the one who had been abused and beaten, would be the same Robert that had stepped onto that plane to Afghnaistan all those months ago, the one who was Aaron's boyfriend with a kind smile and confidence in abundance......It scared Aaron to think what state they were going to find Robert in.

"Excuse me." Aaron addressed one of the soldiers cautiously. "Do you know how he is?" The soldier turned his head back to Aaron.  
"We've not been told much but I think it would be fair to assume he's not in a good way............Nobody comes out of a hostage situation unscathed." Aaron nodded and looked to Vic.  
"We have to be prepared." He explained to her. She smiled in assurance and agreement and then turned to look out of the window.

The drive seemed to go on forever. Aaron tried to think what he should say to Rob. He didn't want to mention anything about what had happened to him but at the same time he didn't want to pretend like nothing had happened. The only thing he was sure about was that he needed to tell him he loved him......Ever since the first moment he'd found out that Robert was missing all Aaron had wanted to do was tell him he loved him...This was his chance to finally do that....

Finally they made a turning down a road with huge gates at the end. The soldier stopped the car and spoke to the guard who opened the gates. They drove in and through a huge maze of buildings. Everything was so uninformed and precise it was easily recognisable as an army base. Eventually they parked alongside some other army vehicles and the two soldiers directed them to get out and follow them. Aaron could hear the sound of planes as they walked into a building and into a large open room. The wall opposite them was all doors which were open. Through them Aaron could see rows of grey and green planes lined up. Aaron looked around the room. There were British flags everywhere. Somehow it made him angry.

"There shouldn't be long to wait." One of the soldiers told them before going to stand with a group of other soldiers over the other side of the room. Vic turned to her friend.  
"It doesn't seem real does it?" Aaron shook his head still in a daze. Two paramedics walked in behind them. Aaron's heart sunk.  
"Don't think they're just here to do some plane spotting do you?" He joked, trying not to let his fear overwhelm him.  
"It might just be a precaution." Vic suggested hopefully, obviously very nervous as well.   
"I hope so." Aaron replied, smiling weakly. He took Vic's hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked at him and nodded in assurance, then they both turned to look out onto the airfield......And they waited......

They heard the roar of a plane coming into land and Aaron's heart sped. This was it. It had to be......He kept his eyes trained to the doors........He took a deep breath.....A few soldiers came around the corner and into the room....Seconds later they were followed by two more....one pushing a wheelchair......in which sat a very weary, very bedraggled, but still just as handsome...Robert. Aaron breathed a sigh of relief, rushing forwards. He stopped just in front of Rob, looking down at him in awe. Robert looked up at him....Aaron could see the pain in his eyes......He looked broken.....And it was almost as if he didn't recognise Aaron.....Then, suddenly, he pushed himself up from the chair and threw himself into Aaron's arms.

Tears streamed down they faces as they clung onto each other as if nothing else had ever mattered. "I love you. I love you so much." Aaron breathed as he swayed them both in their embrace.  
"I'm sorry Aaron. I'm so sorry."  
"Hey...You came home to me. That's all that matters." Aaron pulled back to look at Robert properly. He was dirty and a lot thinner than he had been when he'd left but he was the same Robert. Aaron smiled and kissed Rob, trying to tell him everything he couldn't put into words - how much he missed him, loved him, needed him. 

When they pulled back, Robert smiled. He shifted awkwardly and winced in pain. Aaron grabbed him to keep him steady. "Are you okay? What is it?" He questioned frantically in concern.  
"I'm okay. It's just....well, my ankle's pretty messed up that's all."  
"Then why are you standing you muppet." Aaron helped Robert back into the wheelchair. Vic appeared from behind him, in tears.  
"Hiya." She spoke weakly, her emotions overcoming her.   
"Hiya." Rob smiled, putting his arms out to her. They hugged and Aaron watched in total happiness. He thought he'd never get this moment. Robert was all he wanted and he didn't think he'd ever get him back.....and now he had......Aaron was sure there was nothing better than this feeling.


	53. Just A Guy

Robert and Aaron didn't take their eyes off each other the entire way to the hospital. All they had to do was look at each other and they didn't need to say anything to know the love shared between them. The past months had been hell and Aaron was sure that these next months weren't going to be easy either, but at least now they had each other.

When they arrived at the hospital the paramedics took Robert out of the a ambulance, Aaron still keeping a firm grip on his boyfriends hand, and wheeled him inside. A doctor was waiting for them and guided them into a private room. "Looks like you're getting the royal treatment." Aaron joked, smiling at Rob who smirked.  
"We do our best for brave men like you, Corporal Sugden." The doctor interjected. The use of military terms made Aaron uncomfortable. He looked to Robert and noticed he had a pained look on his face as well.   
"Robert, please." He corrected the doctor, awkwardly lifting himself up out of the wheelchair and onto the bed. "I'm not a soldier when I'm here. I'm just a guy." Aaron watched his boyfriend speak and felt his heart break for the deeper meaning of those words.

The doctors carried out test after test on Rob and finally concluded that he was severely malnourished and dehydrated. X-rays showed he had broken several ribs, fractured his cheek bone and broken a good few fingers. It's was also revealed that the damage to his ankle was worse than anyone had expected. All of the bones were totally smashed and several ligaments torn. The doctor said it was a miracle that Robert had been able to walk on it at all. He was booked in for surgery to repair his ankle early the next morning. In the mean time they stitched up the deeper cuts and cleaned out the others.

Aaron watched on with a smile as his boyfriend attempted to eat his hospital dinner with the use of a couple of fingers on each hand due to the extensive bandaging and splinting to heal his broken fingers. Rob tried to stab a sausage and half his peas shot off the plate and across the room. Aaron couldn't help but laugh. "Oi you!" Rob laughed. "You're supposed to be here in support not making fun of me." He took a big bite of his sausage. "I never did like peas anyway." 

When night drew in, Victoria reluctantly headed home but Aaron refused to leave Rob's side. After a word with the nurses to explain the circumstances, they let him stay. Aaron sat at the edge of Rob's bed, elbows propped up as he gazed at his boyfriend. "When did you find out?" Robert ventured cautiously, knowing they couldn't avoid the subject forever.  
"When did I find out what?"  
"That I was MIA?" Aaron took a deep breath.  
"Hours after you went missing."  
"Wow. News really does travel fast."  
"Robert." Aaron warned.  
"Sorry." Rob took Aaron's hand and squeezed it. Aaron looked up at him again. "I'm sorry."   
"I know you are." Rob lifted Aaron's hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. The younger man smiled and laid his head down on the bed and closed his eyes. Robert ran his hand over his boyfriend's hair. He watched Aaron for a moment and then closed his own eyes. This was what safe felt like.


	54. Shame

Robert's shout woke Aaron with a start. His boyfriend was sat bolt upright in bed, yelling in a foreign language which Aaron assumed must be Pashto. He flicked the light above the bed on and reached out to Rob. "Hey, hey. It's okay. You're safe." As soon as Aaron's hand connected with Rob's shoulder, the older man pulled away. His eyes were fixed on Aaron, the fear on his face terrifying in it's clarity. "Rob, it's okay." Aaron's heart was pounding as a nurse rushed in.  
"Is everything alright?" There was a moment's silence before Rob burst into tears. Aaron tried to reach out to him again but got shoved away.  
"Get out Aaron, you can't see me like this." Those words broke Aaron's heart.  
"Rob I..."  
"Get out!" Aaron took a step back. Rob stared up at him, tears streaming down his face. "Please." He begged weakly. Aaron wanted so desperately to stay with his boyfriend....but not if it wasn't what his boyfriend wanted. Right now he was willing to give Robert anything...no matter how much it hurt....

A couple of hours later and Aaron was still sat on the floor in the corridor outside his boyfriend's room. His own thoughts were driving him crazy as he stared at the blank wall in front of him. He wanted to go back into the room but he didn't know what to say to Rob when he did. A few nurses and a doctor walked past him and went to go into Rob's room. Aaron shot up to his feet.  
"Excuse me. Is he alright?" He asked the doctor.  
"Well if he isn't, he's about to be. We're taking him up to surgery now." In the midst of everything, Aaron had completely forgotten about surgery. The doctor and nurses went into the room and Aaron cautiously followed behind them.

Despite the mellay of people entering his room, Robert's eyes went straight to Aaron. The doctor explained what was going to happen next and then the nurses began preparing Rob for surgery. All the while, Aaron stood by the door watching. He didn't know if he should even be in there but Rob wasn't chucking him out so he stayed. When the nurses had finished one of them turned to Rob.   
"We'll give you two a couple of minutes then we'll be back to take you up." The nurses left and Aaron stayed watching Rob. Robert returned the gaze. He looked as lost for words as Aaron. Instead of speaking, he reached out his hand towards his boyfriend. Aaron came over to the bed and took his hand.  
"I'm sorry." Rob's eyes were full of sadness as he spoke.  
"Don't be." Aaron took a deep breath. "I know you've been through a lot. I never expected you to get over it straight away. I don't suppose you ever will. I just need you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. All I ever want to do is help you, Rob."  
"I know. It's just...earlier....I felt so ashamed...I felt like you must see me as an embarrassment."  
"Embarrassment? I have never seen you as anything other than amazing." Robert knew that was the truth because, despite everything, when he had screamed in his face earlier, there had been no signs of shame or pity on Aaron's face...only sadness and heartbreak. "You are my boyfriend and I love you."  
"And I love you." They smiled at each other lightly, affirming the honesty of their words. Aaron leant down and kissed Rob. Just as they were pulling back, the nurses walked back into the room.  
"It's time." One of them announced, overly chirpily. Aaron gave Rob another peck on the lips and ran his fingers through his blond hair.  
"I'll see you in a bit."  
"Yeah." Then the nurses wheeled Rob out of the room leaving Aaron alone again. He sunk down into a chair and looked at the time - 7:23. He shifted in the chair a little, getting comfortable, then he waited.....


	55. Okay?

Two weeks later...  
Robert was totally silent the entire car journey. After weeks of recovery he'd finally been allowed home and both he and Aaron were so excited at the prospect of getting home. As they drove down roads which he recognised, Rob couldn't help but remember how he had thought he would never see this place again. Aaron looked across to him and then back at the road. "You okay?" He asked gently.  
"Yeah." Rob smiled. "I just can't believe I'm finally back here."  
"I can't believe it either. It's amazing though."  
"Yeah. It is."

They finally pulled up outside Vic's house and Aaron went around to the passenger door to help his boyfriend out. Rob hobbled out of the car, his leg still in plaster. Aaron handed him his crutches and he made his way slowly around the car. He stopped and looked at the house. He was stood on the exact spot where he'd said goodbye to Aaron on all those months ago. His heart pounded at the memory - the hurt he had felt.  
"Okay?" Aaron asked, touching his boyfriend on the shoulder. Rob looked at him and nodded. "I know this must be really strange for you."  
"Yeah. Just a bit." They smiled at each other, then Robert readied himself and carried on down the path to the door. Vic was stood there waiting to help him inside.  
"Welcome home, bro." She beamed.  
"Thanks."

Eventually Rob was comfortably settled on the sofa.  
"Right, I'll go put the kettle on then." Vic announced, heading off into the kitchen. Aaron smiled at his boyfriend.   
"I'm just gonna go get your bag out of the car, okay?" Rob nodded. Aaron went to go out to the car but just as he reached the living room doorway he heard Rob sniffle behind him. He turned quickly, going straight to his boyfriend as tears ran down his face. Aaron knelt down in front of him, taking his hands in his own. "Hey, hey, what is it?"   
"I'm sorry, it's just.....I thought I would never get back here. This place. You. I thought I had lost it all forever. I thought I was going to die." Rob blurted out. It shocked Aaron. In all the time they'd spent together over the last couple of weeks, they had never once mentioned what Rob had been through in Afghanistan. To hear him admit that he thought his own death was inevitable broke Aaron's heart. He put his hand to Rob's face gently.  
"But you didn't die. You're here, with me, like it was always meant to be. And I'm never gonna let you go again." He wiped a tear from Rob's cheek with his thumb.  
"I'm being silly."  
"No you're not...you're being honest...and I would much rather that than you push me away because you can tell me how you're feeling. If you're scared Rob, be scared. I know this is crazy being back here so you have to just feel what you're feeling and I promise I'll help you. Okay?" Rob smiled lightly and nodded.  
"Okay."


	56. Darkness

"Aaron, are you awake?" Rob whispered into the darkness of the bedroom.  
"Yeah." Aaron rolled onto his side. He couldn't really see his boyfriend in the darkness but he could hear his peaceful breathing and that alone made his heart swell. "You okay?" He asked gently. Rob stayed lying on his back, unable to move much because of his ankle, but turned his head to his boyfriend.  
"I can't sleep.......It's like my mind won't let me."  
"You've been having nightmares?"  
"Yeah." Rob sighed. "I'm terrified to close my eyes because I know what is waiting for me in my dreams." Rob's honesty hit Aaron hard. "I can't unsee the things I've seen.....I want to forget it all - leave it all in the past..."  
"But that's never going to happen is it?"  
"No." Aaron moved closer to his boyfriend.  
"If you want to talk about it, I'm always be here to listen..."  
"You don't know what you're letting yourself in for." Aaron wished that was true.  
"I have a pretty good idea Rob."  
"How can you? You weren't there. You didn't see..."  
"But I did." Even through the darkness, Aaron could see Robert's confusion. He hated to have to explain this. He had been dreading telling Robert what he'd seen and heard ever since the day he had. He took a deep breath. "I saw the video Rob." Silence. Aaron sat up in the bed. "The military police came to the village and told me and Vic that they had evidence to suggest that they had been wrong that you had given the enemy information." Rob sat up beside Aaron, watching him as he spoke. "They told us...that there had been a video, of you....being.........They said that it had been posted online and that they had come to inform us before we saw it somewhere else first - the news or something."  
"They had no right to force you to watch it!"   
"They didn't force me Robert!" Aaron calmed himself, remembering where they were and what time it was. He spoke softer. "I forced them to show me."  
"Why? Why would you want to see me like that?" Aaron could hear the tears in his boyfriend voice.   
"Of course I didn't want to see you like that. It made me physically sick seeing you in pain like that. Seeing you being treated like you were nothing was the worst thing I could ever see because to me you are everything......But I had to see it. To know you were alive.....To understand what you were going through.....I had to see it." Aaron was crying too now.  
"I hated the thought of you watching that. I told myself that you wouldn't see it...I suppose it made me feel better to think that, in some way, you were protected from what was happening to me. I was denying a lot in that place. I had to keep telling myself that I would get out, that I would see you again, that everything was going to be alright. I had to pretend that I wasn't tied up in a boiling hot room with no food no water and cuts and bruises all over because on the days I didn't pretend......well you don't even know what went through my head.....I was in a very dark place. A dark place called denial. In a place where you have nothing....you have to deny the truth, the reality.......My truth, my reality, was that I was going to die......If I hadn't stopped myself from believing that...I would never have got out of that hell alive." Aaron wiped at his tears. "When I close my eyes, I see them....those bastards......Or I see my friends....the ones those bastards killed.....Lodhi...I see Lodhi." Aaron recognised that name. Rob had mentioned it once in prison and then quickly changed the subject. "If it wasn't for that lad, I would be dead.....And now he's dead."  
"But, Rob, you saved so many other lives." Aaron encouraged, doing anything he could to reassure his boyfriend.  
"No I didn't. I stopped those Taliban bastards from killing them, maybe, but for what? For them to live out the rest of their lives like this...like me. Unable to block out Afghan." Aaron took his boyfriend's hands in his and leaned closer.  
"It'll get better."  
"Will it?" Aaron leant his forehead on Rob's and took a deep breath.  
"Yes."


	57. Pride

Aaron smiled across at his boyfriend as they ate their breakfast. "What?" Rob questioned, a mouthful of cereal obscuring his words.  
"Nothing." Aaron replied, still smiling. "Just you, and me, here, together, eating breakfast, it's so..."  
"Normal." Rob finished for him.  
"Yeah. It's strange isn't it."  
"Yeah." Rob grinned and took another mouthful of cereal.  
"There's something I want to show you today."  
"Oh?" Robert's face changed.  
"Don't look so worried, I promise you'll like it." And with that Aaron stood up, taking his bowl to the sink, Robert watching him with loving eyes.

After breakfast, Aaron helped his boyfriend into his car. When he got into the drivers' seat, he turned to Rob. "Right, now, close your eyes."   
"What?"  
"Close your eyes."  
"Wh..."  
"Just do it will you?" Aaron laughed. Rob stared at him.  
"You're so weird."   
"Maybe." Rob reluctantly closed his eyes and sat back in his seat properly.  
"Come on then, my surprise awaits." He joked. Aaron smiled and started the engine.

A short drive later, they reached their destination and Aaron stopped the car and turned to look at Rob. Once he was satisfied that his boyfriend still had his eyes firmly shut, he got out of the car and headed around to the passenger side to help Rob out. "You do know this would be a lot easier if I could see what I was doing." Rob commented as they struggled to get him out and standing. "Can I open them yet?"  
"No. You'll ruin the surprise." Rob sighed as he finally became upright on his feet. Aaron handed a crutch to Rob's left hand and put his arm around him on his right side. Together they walked slowly forwards.

Robert heard a slight creak and then, a few steps later, smelt something very familiar...  
"Straw?" He questioned. "What are you going to do Aaron - take advantage of me in the hay?" He joked with a laugh.  
"Only if you want me to." Aaron returned, stopping in a suitable spot and letting go of Rob.  
"I don't think you could call it 'taking advantage' if you ask me first."  
"Shut up." Aaron laughed. "You're such a tit." Rob could hear that his boyfriend's voice was getting further away. "Are you ready?"  
"No, I'd like to stand here with my eyes shut for a bit long please." He jested sarcastically. "Yes, I'm ready."  
"Okay." Rob suddenly heard the roar of a car engine. He opened his eyes straight away and saw...the Ferrari. Aaron standing by it, smiling.....just like in the dreams he'd had in Afghan.

"You got it working?" Rob questioned enthusiastically.  
"Yeah." The pride was clear in Aaron voice as he took a few steps closer to Rob.  
"It's amazing." Rob stumbled towards the Ferrari. He gazed at it in awe. Then he looked over to his boyfriend. "Thank you." Aaron just smiled. Rob looked back at the car again, limping awkwardly around to look inside. "You fixed the seat as well."  
"Of course." Robert couldn't take his eyes off the Ferrari. "You wanna go for a ride?" Aaron offered.  
"Yeah." Rob replied, already getting into the passenger seat. Aaron smiled again, got in beside him and they set off.

They drove for a couple of hours, going nowhere in particular, just enjoying the sound of the engine and each other's company. "Pub?" Rob suggested as it neared lunchtime.  
"Are you sure?" Robert had been reluctant to show his face in the village since his return. Aaron understood that his boyfriend wasn't ready for the questions people would ask and he had accepted that. So when Rob suggested they go to the pub for lunch, it confused him. "We can find somewhere to eat in Hotten if you like?"   
"No. It'll be nice to go to the pub. I want to go to the pub." Rob assured.  
"Okay. Pub it is then."

Chas smiled from behind the bar as her son walked into the Woolpack shortly followed by his boyfriend.  
"Hello you two." They smiled at her. Rob went to sit down while Aaron headed over to his mum.  
"Couple of pints please mum." She nodded and started to pour the drinks.  
"It's good to see Rob out and about. How is everything going since you got back to the village?"  
"Good. Well, as good as can be expected."  
"I did think of coming over a couple of times but I thought he might not appreciate that."  
"Why?"  
"Because it's me."   
"He doesn't have a problem with you mum. He never did. It was only ever you who had the grudge."  
"Yeah. I know." She said guiltily.  
"If you ever feel like popping over again, we'd be happy to see you."  
"Thanks son."  
"Come join us now for a drink if you like. We're gonna get some food."  
"No. I've got nobody else to cover the bar but, another time yeah?"   
"Absolutely." Chas slid the drinks over to her son and he picked them up, smiled at his mum again and then headed over to his boyfriend.

Seconds after he'd sat down opposite Rob, Aaron saw Andy come in through the door. He caught sight of the couple straight away and his smile went to a look of embarrassment and guilt. He came towards them slowly, like a dog with its tail between its legs.  
"What does this muppet want?" Rob muttered to his boyfriend. Aaron shrugged. Andy stopped beside their table looking down at them both. He took a deep breath and looked Rob in the eyes.  
"I'm sorry." Aaron and Robert looked at each other and then back at Andy, both shocked at the sudden apology.  
"What?" Rob asked. He wondered if maybe he'd miss heard his brother.  
"I said, I'm sorry." Andy sighed. "I know what happened Rob. I know you're in the army. And I'm sorry for behaving like such a prick." There was a silent pause before Rob spoke.  
"I don't know what to say."  
"You don't have to say anything. I've been an idiot. I treated you badly because of stuff that happened years ago. We were still kids. And I'm not exactly blameless either. I was wrong........I said stuff that I shouldn't have - to you, to Vic....and to you Aaron." Andy looked at Aaron. "I'm sorry." Aaron nodded in acceptance and Andy looked back at his brother. "I want you to know that I think dad would've been proud of you......I'm proud of you. What you've done....what you've been through....you're a brave man Rob."  
"I don't want your spiel about patriotism Andy. I don't need your apology..........I just want to be your brother again. Like how we were when we were kids. The way dad would've wanted us to be." Andy nodded. "So are we good?"  
"Yeah. We're good." The brothers smiled at each other.  
"Do you want to join us for some lunch?"  
"Really?"  
"Sure." Andy went to reach for a chair and hesitated.  
"Can you really just forgive me like this? I've been awful to you." Rob thought for a moment and looked at his brother.  
"As a person I knew once said, 'I help you, you help me, that is the way it should always be'." Rob remembered those words as if Lodhi had said them only moments ago. "We're brothers Andy. We should be helping each other. Not fighting all the time. I had enough of that in Afghanistan.....Now, sit down before we're right back where we started - having an argument." Andy smirked.  
"I'll just go get a drink." And he went over to the bar.  
"Did you tell him about where I'd really been?" Robert asked Aaron curiously, careful to keep his voice low enough that Andy wouldn't hear. As his boyfriend spoke, Aaron saw Paddy sat over the other side of the pub. The man smiled and winked at him. Aaron knew what he meant.  
"No." Aaron told his boyfriend, still looking over at Paddy. "It wasn't me."


	58. It's Always Gonna Be My Fault

Aaron awoke with a start. Something wasn't right. He sat up in bed and looked beside him. Robert wasn't there. "Rob?" No answer. He flicked the bedside lamp on and looked around. There was no sign of his boyfriend at all. His crutches were still propped up at the end of the bed. Perhaps he hadn't gone far. Aaron got out of bed and hurried down the stairs, still being careful not to wake Vic. He peered around the kitchen. Then the living room. Nothing. "Robert?" Nothing. Aaron started to panic. Where could his boyfriend have gone in the middle of the night without his crutches? Something was not right. 

He went back upstairs to grab his phone and some shoes and then he ran out the front door in search of Rob. He scoured the village, looking anywhere and everywhere he could think of. Suddenly it occurred to him...."The bridge."

Aaron's feet couldn't carry him fast enough down to the river. Finally he was in sight of the bridge and as he got closer he slowed. He could see his boyfriend's figure, alone in the darkness, leaning over the railing, crying. Aaron went straight to him. When Rob turned and saw his boyfriend beside him, he collapsed into his arm. Aaron held onto him tightly as the other man sobbed. "Hey....." He rubbed circles on Rob's back to try and comfort him. "What are you doing out here in the dark on your own, eh? How did you even get out here without your crutches?"  
"The same way I got out of that stinking room in Afghanistan....fear." Aaron held on even tighter to the man he loved.  
"You don't have to be scared anymore Rob. You're safe here." Aaron pulled back to look at his boyfriend. "You're safe with me."  
"I know that but...it's the dreams Aaron. They're getting worse. All those people who died because of me..."  
"Don't talk like that." Aaron warned, his boyfriend's words cutting deep.  
"They're in my dreams but it's like they're not dreams...it's like they're really here...and they want me dead, Aaron. They want me dead." Rob fell back into Aaron's arms again.  
"We'll get you help okay? I'm gonna get you some help."  
"What difference will it make? It's always gonna be my fault they're dead."  
"It's not your fault Rob. It's not your fault."  
"And how can I ever believe that?" Rob leaned back from Aaron and stared into his eyes, his pain so raw and saddening.  
"I can think of one thing we can do."


	59. Don't Apologise

Aaron led his boyfriend down the corridor. As he approached the room he stopped for a second and looked around himself to make sure he was definitely in the right corridor. It looked so different without the two policemen standing guard outside the door. He wondered if this was even a good idea. Perhaps it would bring back too many bad memories and just make things worse. Aaron knew that Rob was not in a good place - he could do nothing but blame himself for what had happened in Afghanistan. There was only one person Aaron could think of who might have the slightest chance of persuading his boyfriend that it wasn't his fault. This had to be worth a try. He continued to the door and held it open for Robert. They went in together. Liam did a double take when he saw the two men walk into his room. He pushed himself up the bed to sit more comfortably against the headboard. "Robert?" Aaron looked at his boyfriend who smiled weakly.  
"Liam." Rob greeted, hobbling closer on his crutches.  
"God is it good to see you." Liam smiled brightly. "You gave this one a right scare you know?" He gestured to Aaron.  
"Yeah and he knows it." Aaron agreed, putting his hand on Rob's shoulder.  
"Sit down." Liam invited. Rob limped to the chair beside the bed and sat down. Aaron could see his boyfriend was in shock.  
"How are you?" Rob asked tentatively.  
"I'm okay. I mean, I've been better but I'm coping. Hopefully I won't be in this place much longer anyway." Robert nodded for a second and then sighed deeply.  
"Christ, Liam, I'm so sorry." The emotion in his boyfriend's voice made Aaron feel awful.  
"Don't apologise to me Robert Sugden. You saved me.....and Cal."  
"Cal got out?" Rob asked, genuinely shocked at this revelation.  
"Yeah. He came to see me yesterday actually. He's fine Robert. It made him and his girlfriend realise life is too short...they're getting married next month." Rob smiled.  
"I had no idea..."  
"You did good that day Robert. None of us like to dwell on it but I've had nothing but time in this place and every time I think back to that day all I can think is that none of us would've got out of there if it wasn't for you." Liam reached over and put his hand on Rob's. "Thank you." Aaron smiled. Maybe this would work after all.  
"I'm gonna go get a coffee - give you guys some time." Aaron explained. He went to Rob and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you in a bit." They smiled at each other, then Aaron left, confident that Robert would finally start seeing that he wasn't to blame.


	60. Everything To Me

Aaron had a smile on his face as he filled the kettle and flicked it on. Suddenly someone had reached their hands around his head to cover his eyes. "Guess who." They said brightly.  
"I don't know...would it be my incredibly handsome boyfriend who shouldn't be walking around without his crutches?" Aaron guessed sarcastically. Rob lowered his hands, spinning Aaron around to face him.  
"You're such a spoil sport. I get the cast off in a couple of weeks' time anyway."  
"I know. I just want you to get better that's all." Aaron leaned forwards and kissed Robert. "Love you." He whispered, keeping their bodies close.  
"Yeah. I know." They stared into each other's eyes. Aaron had never known it was possible to love someone so much. "You making me a coffee then?" Aaron smirked.  
"Sure." He turned back to the kettle and started making the drinks. "So, I thought we could just chill today. What do you think?" Rob suggested as he went to sit at the kitchen table.  
"Yeah. Sounds good." He smiled over his shoulder at his boyfriend before turning back to the drinks. "Toast?"  
"Please." Aaron got some bread out and put it in the toaster. As he went to the fridge to get the butter, he could feel Robert watching him. "Aaron?" He stopped and turned to look at Rob.  
"Yeah."  
"I'm so grateful for you.......You know that don't you?" Aaron sighed.  
"Of course I do."  
"You're the reason I'm still here. If I hadn't have had you to come home to.....I probably wouldn't have come home at all."  
"Don't talk like that." Aaron took a few steps closer to his boyfriend.  
"It's true......You are everything to me Aaron."   
"Why are you saying all this Rob? Did you have another bad night?" Aaron questioned in concern. He thought Rob's nightmares had been getting better.  
"No." Robert stated definitely.  
"Then what?" Aaron urged, keen to know what had caused so much emotion to boil to the surface.  
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you Aaron."  
"Yeah same here, but wha..."  
"Marry me?" Aaron froze.  
"What?"  
"Marry me?" Rob repeated, watching his boyfriend with nervous eyes. "I love you.....With you I understand what life is all about...It sounds stupid, I know. But, before you, I was just going through the motions, living everyday not caring if it was my last - that's why I joined the army. Now, I can't imagine not being here with you. You have given me a life Aaron. I understand if this is too much too soon or...whatever, but I wanted to ask because I need you to know how much you mean to..."  
"Yes." Aaron interrupted.  
"What?" A huge smiled broke through the stunned look on Aaron's face.  
"Yes, Robert, I will marry you." Rob pushed himself up to his feet in shock. They beamed at each other. Then Aaron threw himself into Rob's arms, holding him tight.  
"I will never leave you again Aaron, I swear."  
"I'll hold you to that." Rob kissed Aaron's head as they swayed together.  
"You'd better."


	61. I Just Came To Apologise

"You've got a visitor." Rhona told her husband, ducking her head into the back room of the vets' surgery.  
"Not Mrs Allman with her hypochondriac hamster again is it?" Paddy questioned in dread. Aaron stepped past Rhona into the room.  
"No. Just me I'm afraid." Aaron smiled. Paddy's face turned serious. Rhona shut the door behind her, leaving them in peace. "Don't look so worried Paddy. I just came to apologise that's all."  
"Apologise?" Paddy put his gloves down on the table in front of him.  
"I was an idiot. I'm sorry."  
"You were missing Robert. I understand."  
"Even so....you've always been there for me and the least you deserve is some respect. You were only trying to protect me and I know that so...I'm sorry."  
"It's really not necessary Aaron...but thank you." They smiled at each other. "Is that all you came about?"  
"Actually there was something else. Thank you for talking to Andy." Paddy feigned confusion. "I know it was you who told him about where Rob had really been. Thank you." Paddy's face changed again.  
"I thought you'd be angry with me. It's just, it slipped out by accident and once I'd started I couldn't stop."  
"Well it worked out pretty well in the end. They're actually talking to each other now - acting like civil human beings. That's one worry off Rob's mind at least."  
"How is he?" Aaron sighed.  
"He's been seeing a psychiatrist. They diagnosed him with PTSD but that was no surprise to either of us. He wakes up in the night, screaming. The things he would say had me really worried Paddy. But he's getting better. He's opening up more and...I'm starting to get the old Robert back."  
"I'm glad for you."  
"Thanks." Aaron thought for a moment. "There's one more thing."  
"Yeah?"  
"We're getting married." Aaron waited for the shock to happen on Paddy's face.....but it didn't. Instead a huge smile from ear to ear appeared and the older man came around the table and put both arms around Aaron, hugging him tightly.  
"I'm so proud of you." Aaron couldn't describe how much those words meant to him so he just said...  
"Thanks dad."


	62. You Deserve It

Two weeks later...  
Vic came into the kitchen and put a envelope down in front of her brother before going over to the kettle to make a brew. Rob put his sandwich down on his plate and picked up the letter, opening it as he finished his mouthful. He unfolded the piece of paper and began to read. When he'd finished, he stood up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. "Everything alright?" His sister asked, concerned at her brother's reaction to whatever he had just read. Robert didn't answer as he turned and limped out of the room. A few seconds later Vic heard the front door click open and then slam shut as her brother stormed out.

Rob made his way over to the garage as quickly as his healing ankle would allow him. The cast and crutches were gone now but his limp was still very much present (much to his annoyance). The doctors said it would be unlikely he'd ever lose it entirely. It would be yet another reminder of Afghan that Robert would forever bear. He reached the garage and Aaron saw him straight away. He stood up from where he was working on a car and watched his boyfriend storm towards him, letter in hand.  
"Rob? What is it?" The older man stopped in front of him and handed him the piece of paper. Aaron stared at his face for a second longer and then looked down and began to read.

When he'd finished, he looked up at his boyfriend in astonishment. "The Victoria Cross?"  
"That's what it says isn't it?" Rob replied without emotion.  
"Well that's amazing Rob. I'm pleased for you." Aaron smiled. Robert didn't. "You are happy aren't you? I mean, this is amazing. It's not every day you get awarded the Victoria Cross for bravery."  
"I know." Rob spoke weakly. Aaron put his hand on his boyfriend's arm.  
"Then what?" He questioned gently. It took a few moments for Robert to answer.  
"I can't accept it Aaron."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I don't deserve it."  
"What are you talking about? Of course you deserve it. You saved lives Rob, whether you choose to believe it or not. This is an honour. You have to accept it."  
"Well I don't want it." Rob snatched the piece of paper back from his boyfriend and screwed it up as he walked away before throwing at the gravel in frustration.  
"Rob?!" Aaron called after him. "Robert?!"

Aaron got back after work and headed into the kitchen to make a sandwich. Vic came thundering down the stairs to greet him.  
"Is Rob with you?"  
"No."  
"Have you seen him lately?"  
"No. Not for a few hours."  
"I'm just a bit worried about him."  
"I know. Me too. He got a letter earlier..."  
"Yeah what was that? It got him acting all strange. He just stormed out after reading it." Aaron took the piece of paper, which he had picked up and unscrumpled earlier, out of his pocket and handed it to his friend. Vic read it quickly and then looked up at Aaron. "The Victoria Cross?"  
"Yeah I know." Aaron went over to the kettle and flicked it on. "He's got it in his head that he doesn't deserve it."  
"Doesn't deserve it? If he doesn't then who does?" Aaron turned to face her.  
"He doesn't see it like that." Vic sighed and rested back against the kitchen counter.  
"So, where is he now?"  
"I don't know. If he's not home soon, I'll go out looking. Perhaps he's just gone for a walk to clear his head."  
"I hope so."

Some time went by and there was still no sign of Robert. Aaron sat at the kitchen table watching the clock impatiently. The first few times Rob had stormed out, Aaron had gone straight after him....but after the tenth time he had come to realise that it was just one of the ways Rob coped with his PTSD. Every time he'd come home, eventually, feeling much better. Whatever it was he did when he left without explanation, it clearly worked.

Eventually Aaron couldn't take it anymore and, after trying Rob's phone several more times, he headed out in search of his boyfriend. He went to all the normal places; the bridge, the barn the cricket pavilion - he even tried the pub and cafe - but Rob wasn't anywhere. He rung Rob's psychiatrist in the hope he might have gone there...but he hadn't. As time went on, Aaron got more and more worried. It had never been this long before. He wracked his brains trying to think of where Rob could possibly have gone but he had no idea.

Suddenly a thought entered his mind. It was a long shot but.....he rung Andy and waited for him to pick up.  
"Hiya, Andy. Sorry to bother you but you haven't seen Rob by any chance have you?......He is...Oh, thank God......He's doing what?......Okay. Okay. Thanks mate. I'll be there as soon as I can." Aaron put the phone down and breathed a sigh of relief. "Vic!" She came running down the stairs again. "He's with Andy....helping him load up the hay bales." They stared at each other for a minute and then burst out laughing - as much from hysteria as relief.

Aaron drove to the farm and, sure enough, there was Andy and Rob, lugging hay bales around, laughing and joking together. Aaron smiled and got out of his car. "Oi, you!" Aaron called to get his boyfriend's attention. "You had me worried." Rob's face dropped.  
"Sorry." He said in guilt.  
"Hey, it's okay. As long as you're safe. That's all that matters."   
"Rob's been telling me about this medal of his." Andy told Aaron, who looked to him, shocked to hear that.  
"The Victoria Cross?" He clarified.  
"Yeah that's the one."  
"I'm going to accept it." Rob explained. Aaron turned to him and smiled. "But I'm only doing it for the other...the ones who didn't make it out of there...they're the real brave ones." Aaron nodded.  
"I'm proud of you."  
"Thanks."  
"You can go now if you need. I can finish the rest on my own." Andy offered.  
"You'll get it done quicker with me helping though." Rob said, looking to his brother.  
"And three pairs of hands are even better than two." Aaron stated, going over to pick up a bale. "Come on then, let's crack on, then we can all go for a pint." Andy smiled and went to help. "Thanks." Aaron mumbled to Andy, while Rob was far enough away not to hear. "I'm glad he had you today."  
"He's my brother. If he needs me, I'm here." Andy picked up a bale and went to lift it into the wheelbarrow. Aaron smiled. Today hadn't turned out too bad after all.


	63. To Kill Myself

Rob was sat against the headboard staring off into space when Aaron came into their bedroom. They smiled at each other. "I'm sorry I wasn't around much today. Cain's got me working on a big job again." Aaron explained as he got undressed. "He wants me to go down to London next week to pick up some parts. I told him he must be having a laugh." He pulled his final sock off and got under the covers next to his boyfriend. "You're very quiet. Are you okay?"   
"Yeah." Rob replied uncertainly.  
"You don't sound too sure."  
"It's just...there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." Aaron shifted to sit facing Rob. He listened. "I don't think it's fair for me to marry you when I'm not being completely honest." Aaron was confused. "There's something I didn't tell you and it's been playing on my mind a lot lately."  
"Whatever it is Robert, I'm here for you. You know that."  
"Yeah, I do." Rob took a deep breath. "In Afghanistan...." Aaron braced himself. "...I think it must've been a month or so after I was taken hostage - I'm not sure, there was no sense of time in that place - I had some really dark thoughts Aaron." Rob looked down at his hands. He couldn't bear to look his boyfriend in the eyes when he said this. "I was in a very bad place - physically and mentally - and....I wished I was dead." Those words hit Aaron hard. Although it wasn't surprising that Robert had felt like that when he had been being tortured everyday and kept prisoner with no food or water, it still hurt Aaron to hear it. "I'm sorry, but I have to tell you this because....I'm screwed up Aaron, badly screwed up....I'm never going to be the same again. Being in that place has changed me and definitely not for the better. So I just want to be sure that you still want to marry me knowing that I have wished myself dead." There was a silent pause.  
"You're not the only person to have done that Rob." Aaron muttered.  
"What?" Rob looked up at his boyfriend.  
"I tried to kill myself when I realised I was gay." He waited for Rob to say something but he didn't. "You had real reason to want to die Robert. I don't blame you at all for wishing yourself dead when you were suffering so much pain. In fact...and I hate to admit this, but...some days, when you were MIA, I wished you were dead too because at least then you wouldn't be suffering anymore." A tear fell for Aaron's eye. Rob lifted his hand to his boyfriend's face and wiped the tear away with his thumb.  
"Aaron."  
"It's a horrible thing to say, I know. I'm sorry."  
"Don't be sorry. I understand."  
"You do?"  
"Of course." Rob leant forward and kissed Aaron's forehead. "We're okay now."  
"You still want to marry me after what I've just admitted?"  
"More than anything." Aaron could hear the sincerity in his boyfriend's words. "Why didn't you tell me about all that before?"  
"I was scared to. I couldn't tell you that I'd attempted suicide just because I was gay. I thought you'd think I was pathetic. After all you've been through and you fought through it."  
"I did it for you."  
"Yeah?"  
"Everything I do is for you Aaron. For our future....together." He smiled encouragingly at Aaron.  
"I promise I won't hide anything from you again."  
"Same here." Rob reached forward and pulled Aaron into a hug. He felt like a weight had been lifted. He wasn't holding anything back anymore. He felt free.


	64. Love You Forever

Aaron opened his eyes sleepily. Robert was staring back at him lovingly as they lay facing each other in bed. The morning sun was creeping in through a crack in the curtains and bathing the room in a golden glow. Then it hit Aaron what day it was. His face broke into a huge smile which Robert matched with a grin of his own. "No backing out now."  
"Why would I ever want to back out?" Aaron replied, his voice low. He shifted forwards slightly and kissed Rob. "Today is going to be the best day of my life."

Eventually they got up and started to get ready. They put their suits on and took it in turns to us the mirror. When they were both satisfied that they were ready, they went outside where Vic was waiting by her car. She beamed at them as they walked towards her.  
"You two look great."  
"Thanks sis." Rob hugged his sister.  
"I'm so proud of you Rob." The siblings smiled at each other. "You ready then?" Aaron and Rob looked at each other.  
"So ready."

They sat in the back of the car, hand in hand as they drove down the country lanes, the sun still shining brightly. When they arrived outside the barn, there were cars parked everywhere.  
"Nervous?" Aaron asked.  
"I'm never nervous when I have you by my side." Rob smiled. "Come on." They got out of the car while Vic headed into the barn to tell everyone that the grooms had arrived. Rob took Aaron's hands and they stood facing each other. "I just want you to know Aaron, that, no matter what I say in there, it will never be enough. What you mean to me is more than any words can describe."  
"Same here."

Everyone went silent as they walked into the barn and took up their positions at the front. Aaron looked into the congregation and saw Chas and Paddy beaming back at him. He winked at them and then turned back to Rob.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of these two men in holy matrimony. This ceremony shows a loving and binding commitment to each other for life. I must start by asking if anyone has reason to contest this marriage.........Good, then we will continue. The grooms have chosen to write their own vows. Robert would you like to start?" Rob took a deep breath, staring into Aaron's eyes.  
"Aaron, when I met you, I knew there was something special about you. Your kindness and your beautiful smile were the first things that made me realise that you were the one for me. I know it hasn't been an easy road for us by any means, but you've stuck by me through everything and I'm so grateful for you. When I finally told you about my job in the army, I thought you'd run a mile....but you didn't. You were supportive and understanding. Not many people would've had that reaction which just goes to prove you're a pretty amazing guy. An amazing guy who I get to call mine." Aaron's heart was pounding. "I love you Aaron. I promise to do my best for you - for us. I will try to be as good a man as you are. And we are always going to have our problems. Our pasts are never going to leave us, but I know that you will be there for me and I promise to be there for you too. We have a great future ahead of us. This is just the start." They smiled at each other.  
"Aaron?" He thought for a moment before beginning.  
"If someone had told me a year ago that this is where I would be stood now - in a barn, in front of everyone in my life, standing with a man who I love so much - I would've told them they must've had one too many." There was a light mumble of laughter from the congregation. "Robert Sugden was a name I'd been warned about many times by many different people. I'd been told that he was someone to steer clear of. Someone that was just plain trouble.....All those people were so wrong. Because when I met you, Rob, and got to know you, I found a man who was the total opposite of what I'd been told you were. I can't describe the sense of pride I have to call you my boyfriend, and that will only get greater when I will now call you my husband. You have shown me your kindness as a friend, a brother, a comrade and a boyfriend. You make me happy when nobody else can. You find time for me when you really have none to spare. You put me first, always. I don't deserve you but my promise today is that I will try every day to make myself a better man. A man who is even a bit as good as you. I promise to always be there for you. On the good days....and on the bad. I will love you forever." 

They exchanged rings and stood there smiling at each other with such great love as the vicar finished the ceremony.  
"I know pronounce you husbands." They leaned in and kissed each other as they heard a cheer from their friends and family. 

Everyone began milling around in the barn. Some headed for the food, others stood having conversations about anything and everything. Chas went over to Aaron and hugged him tightly.  
"I'm so proud of you son."  
"Thanks mum." She hugged Rob.  
"I know you make him happy Robert and for that I thank you."  
"It's him who makes me happy, Chas." They smiled at each other. Robert glanced around and caught sight of someone who he hadn't seen in a very long time. Someone he'd forgotten he'd even invited. He turned to Aaron. "I'll be back in a minute."  
"Sure."

Rob headed over to the woman.  
"Hi Jen." She turned around and smiled at him.  
"Rob." They hugged. When they pulled back they stared at each other. "Thank you for inviting me. It's great to see you so happy."  
"Thanks. I actually hesitated when I sent the invite because I thought it might be insensitive."  
"No, of course not." She touched his arm in encouragement. "I heard what happened by the way, in Afghanistan."  
"Yeah. It got a bit sketchy there for a while. Aaron was what kept me going." He looked over at his husband who was embracing Paddy happily.  
"You two look like you really love each other."  
"Yeah." Rob kept his eyes on Aaron.  
"I saw the car outside." He looked back at her.  
"I hope you don't mind."  
"Of course not. Matt would want it being used." Rob nodded. "I can't believe you fixed it."  
"It was Aaron mainly actually. He's a mechanic too."  
"Oh. Well tell him thanks."  
"Looks like you can tell him yourself." Rob said as he noticed his husband coming towards them. "Aaron, this is Jennifer....Matt's wife." Aaron looked at Rob and then back at Jen.  
"It's nice to meet you."  
"And you, Aaron. I've never seen this one so happy." She gestured at Rob. "Your husband tells me you fixed up the Ferrari."  
"Yeah...Rob explained what happened to you husband. I'm very sorry for your loss."  
"Thank you. I'm just glad that the car has brought some happiness."  
"Oh it certainly has." Rob confirmed. "And as soon as your Jamie can drive, it's all his."  
"Got a few more years till that Robert."  
"How is Jamie?"  
"He's okay. He's nearly two now. I play him videos of his dad all the time. I want him to know Matt, you know?"  
"Of course." Jen looked as though she was questioning something. Then she spoke.  
"Can I tell you something, both of you?" They nodded in unison. "Don't let anything stop you from being happy. The small things don't matter. If there's one thing I've learnt from losing Matt it's that, life is too short to be hanging onto the small problems. Just be happy together."

A couple of hours later, Aaron and Robert said their farewells and headed outside. They got into the Ferrari and set off towards the airport.  
"I feel like the luckiest man alive." Rob stated as he drove them away.  
"Me too." The sun was going down and there was a beautiful golden haze settling over the fields. Aaron was the happiest he'd ever been. Everything that he'd been through...none of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was the future...his future with Rob, full of happiness and love. Nothing could stand in their way now. He reached forward and flicked the radio on....The Beatles' 'Free as a bird' was playing and he smiled to himself. Aaron sat back in his seat and rested his head back. This was what love felt like......this was his happy ever after.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this fanfic. I really appreciate it when people read and enjoy my writing. I hope this is a good enough ending although I realise it's quite cheesy (lol). Thanks again, theFourthofDecember:)


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